Published August 31, 2026
Chapter 3: Alex
Lucy smiles and lets go of my hand, stepping closer. "Do you want to grab lunch later? We can talk about the dream, write down what you saw," She suggests.
I nod, "Sure." My chest feels tight. I want to chase after Cal, but I also want to stay in the warm, safe company of Lucy and her brilliant smile. I open my locker and grab my stuff. "See you at lunch." I say.
I turn towards my history class, my mind split in two.
The heavy wooden door of the history class shuts behind me, muffling the hallway noise, but it can't quiet the storm in my head. I sink into a desk in the back row, staring blankly at the whiteboard. The bitter taste of Cal's coffee lingers on my tongue, the smell of Lucy's perfume on my sweatshirt.
My mind keeps drifting back to the forest. In the dream, the trees were skeletal, reaching up towards a bruised purple sky. I can hear my mothers voice calling my name, frantically, always out of reach. Cal had been there the day I lost her. He found me curled up on the ground, shivering. But everytime I try to ask him about that day, he goes quiet, and steers the conversation away. He's trying to protect me from something, but I don't know what. And the weight of his secret threatens to fracture our bond.
The morning passes in a blur of anxiety. Every time a locker is slammed, or a book dropped, I jump, my anxiety threatening to consume me.
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141,046 Literary Works • 673,936 Reviews
This is a very short chapter. It works for now, but I would say it is not dramatic enough to be a scene that deserves its own chapter. I like the description of the heavy door and the coffee and perfume details coming back. The throwback to the dream and the forest keeps the main idea of the story alive. It's a good paragraph but I think it might be better to explain the dream earlier on, unless you put all these together into one chapter, then maybe it would work for me. It is nicely explained without too much detail that Alex lost her mother and it brings more mystery about what Cal saw that day and what truly happened. I am very hooked. Thank you.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the demonic S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Lucy suggests that Alex talks about the dream/writes down what she saw, which could help, but will it be enough? The world rings and screams all around her.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that Alex jumps whenever she hears any sudden noise because she’s so deep thinking about how her mother disappeared that the world around her is too loud and uncomfortable. I also like that her mind is split in two, of course that would happen after everything!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely chapter to this story. I have enjoyed reading this and I will be certain to read the other chapter tomorrow. I wonder what will happen with Lucy and Alex and…
I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^
Thank you! I'm actually going to be posting both chapters 4 and 5 tonight. Stay tuned!
Have a great day/night, and be safe!
Hi there!
This piece is AMAZING, I quickly read over your other ones and I'm genuinely impressed. For me, it feels like I'm in the comfort of another dimension, with my totally other worldly book, being transferred into another world. In short I feel this is quite professional and I would in fact definitely read this if and as it was/is a novel, so congrats on that front. Now, the good stuff...
The first two paragraphs (9 ish sentences) are a great, realistic representation of friendship triangles and friendship venn diagrams if you will.
I find this part really meaningful to the story and a nice rounding out.
I love this bundle of contradictions, it has a nice representation.
Finally, this is a vital, interesting and impressive reveal in the story, it's descriptive, emotional and I can relate to this (kind of), so I'm aware how it can feel.
Overall, this is super impressive and if you have or are going to write a book one day let me know. I am definitely reading it.
Thank you! I'll be posting the next chapter tonight, so be ready for that!