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Cat and Boy

by Junel

The cat was a small, matted ball of fur. The boy was not intimidated in the slightest. He taunted it with the dead mouse hanging from his fingertips

“Here Kitty Kitty, a tasty snack,” he repeated over and over, trying to make it come forward from its spot in the corner to no success.

“You're so ugly. No wonder you were abandoned out here,” he continued, starting to be annoyed by the lack of entertainment he was receiving. He did not believe this was the law of the land. No, he thought the cat should submit to his humiliation in order to save itself from starvation.

The boy was a short, messy sort of human. The cat was not impressed at all. It watched the boy’s frustrated attempts at interaction.

It maintained its silence, trying to let the boy know that it did not want his dead mouse and for him to leave down the alley, but to no success.

The cat was getting annoyed by his constant taunting, wishing to be left to sleep. It did not believe this was the law of the land. No, it did not believe that it must fall so low as to submit to the boy, but rather that the boy should drop the mouse. 

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15 Reviews

Points: 549
Reviews: 15

Sat Feb 29, 2020 5:44 pm
thegoldenbird wrote a review...

Hi Junel!
This was a nice story that I happened to come across, the type of perception difference that I like to write too! It felt nice to see someone else trying out this style of writing as well. The two perspectives are well presented, the language is simple but definitely good in its flow and the overall effect is as desired. However, I happened to notice a couple of tiny errors that you could eradicate for perfection:
1. Describing the cat as a "small little ball of fur" is a weird phrase and not right in terms of language as both the words mean almost the same. Moreover, "little" is a quantifier, used to denote the amount of something, whereas "small" denotes size. Hence the word "little" should surely be omitted. To show that it was smaller than the small (if small ball of fur isn't enough for you), you could use the expression "tiny ball of fur".
2. "... but rather" in the last line is again a similar type of error. "Rather" alone would be enough to convey the feeling of both the words and "but" is therefore unnecessary.
Except for the above errors, the work was wonderful.
If you would like to read the paradoxical works of mine, I am pasting the links below. Cheers!
Alternate Reality: The Other Girl

Junel says...

Thanks for the review!

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22 Reviews

Points: 54
Reviews: 22

Sat Feb 15, 2020 12:11 am
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Josie24 says...

Oof. The different perspectives made me laugh.

What is going on in the guy's life that made him the way he is? Why is he taunting the cat?

Why is the cat a stray? Born that way, or runaway?

I don't really have any corrections, just questions; this was too short to be a review, apparently. At the beginning, I was really mad for the cat. The cat already had enough bad luck, but it had the misfortune of meeting the boy too.

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114 Reviews

Points: 1257
Reviews: 114

Sun Dec 08, 2019 4:07 pm
LZPianoGirl wrote a review...

Hi! I loved this poem. I love it because it is so unique. You show the cat's attitude very well and how you portrayed what goes on inside an animal's head was cool. There were two things I thought you could work on. One was the quotations. After you say "he said", you didn't put a comma after. It is supposed to be "he said,". The other thing was you used the wrong form of your. You said "your so ugly", the correct way to say that would be "you're so ugly". Those are just small little errors that you can fix, but otherwise this poem is wonderful. It was quick and easy to read, yet very entertaining. Keep writing and Merry (early) Christmas!

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1464 Reviews

Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Sat Dec 07, 2019 12:24 am
JabberHut wrote a review...

I totally thought I reviewed this and was so confused why it didn't show up. I guess I left it in notepad on my work computer, whoops!

This was absolutely adorable and wonderful. I love the parallelism used to distinguish two different personalities, two sides of this situation, yet two very similar characters. They each have their own goals in mind and go about them in completely different ways, yet both have equal temperaments and patience. It's so awesome.

It took me a moment to realize the setting we were in, and I think the piece can afford a few descriptive words to help portray the scene we're in. Paint the picture for us, if you will. It's amazing how a well-described atmosphere can really set the tone for the entire piece. It does wonders to amplify the emotion behind the piece. In this case, it could reflect the miserable conditions of a stray cat or the forceful nature of a neighborhood bully. Alternatively, it could portray the innocence of a feline recently abused and kicked out of their home or a struggling student taking his anger out on the nearest victim. So basically, setting! :D

But you did so very well distinguishing your characters in such a short piece. I really commend you for that. We already have such a solid understanding of the kind of tropes your characters portray, which already helps to set the tone! I feel like giving the cat a gender might help make the cat a little more personable so the reader can personify the animal even more. I really like how the cat is simply referred to as "the cat" when it's the boy's perspective, so when it switches to the cat's side, giving it a gender will help make that switch even more pronounced.

I... think that's all I had. The piece really shines in its simplicity and the beautiful structure you had for it. I really enjoyed this a lot, so well done!!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Junel says...

Hey, thanks for the review! Although definitely not the norm I tend to leave gaps in all my short stories (here I leave a gap where setting should be/cat gender). I do this because I love how different people can read the same exact words and find very different meanings. It's kinda similar to Hemmingway's style, although even he drops too many details for my liking sometimes.

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80 Reviews

Points: 2636
Reviews: 80

Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:21 pm
Stellarjay says...

I imagine the cat with innocent eyes and it's head cocked sideways. He's wondering why the boy doesn't drop the mouse and is utterly confused about why the boy won't let him sleep.

This story was really cute!

Junel says...

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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124 Reviews

Points: 6897
Reviews: 124

Fri Dec 06, 2019 3:10 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hello! This is a unique and interesting work! It's fascinating because it is different. I really like how you've shown the cat attitude. Like, that is totally what probably goes on inside a cat's brain! The creative insight is so cool.

There were a few places where some polishing up is needed. First of all, one of my pet peeves, in the second paragraph. Your quotation should end with a comma when followed by explanatory material, such as "he said," "he repeated," etc.

Secondly, your use of the word "your" in the sentence, "Your so ugly." The correct form of this word would be "You're".

In the next to last paragraph there is a similar error. You wrote:"It maintained it's silence." In this case, you should have used "its" rather than "it's".

Anyway, those are just small nitpicks. Overall, this is a very interesting work, and it was fun to read. Keep writing!

Junel says...

Thanks for the review!

I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson