Blue and orange were the colours of many sports teams. Not that I could name them. At first, the colours didn’t sound like they should go together, but then if they didn’t why would so many teams choose them? I guess it would be the dark blue that saved the day, surely a baby blue would never pass in the same way.
I still wasn’t sure what convinced me to go with the others to the bar in celebration of the game. Bars weren’t exactly my thing. Sure, I adventured inside one or two throughout the years, but even in college I quickly realized I preferred a cup of tea and a good book or tv show. That motivation was even stronger after a long day like today.
Celebrating games wasn’t exactly my thing either. Unless it was a good board game. I was totally down for one of those right now. It might also have helped if I had any idea what game we were coming to celebrate in the first place. What sports even had games on a Monday evening? So I tried to gauge something off of the colours the patrons wore.
It was hopeless.
My table in the corner was close to the door at least. Hopefully, after a drink or two everyone would get too involved and I could just slip out. If anyone noticed I would just make up an excuse about needing to get into the office early tomorrow. It wasn’t really a lie. After the day I’d had. It was also just unlikely to happen.
My head had found its way onto the table in total dejection. Maybe I would just fall asleep here. Surely I wouldn’t be the first. I dreamt of my bed, my cat, my books. Tomorrow would be better. I would remember my contacts. I would be on time. I wouldn’t trip. I wouldn’t fall for my colleagues' pleas. Tuesday would work.
“Rough day?”
My head jumped up too fast. I had forgotten how close my little corner spot was to the wall. The harsh stone wall of the bar had my hand running up to the back of my head. It wasn’t really hurt, I had some control, but seriously I could have done without it.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you” the man spoke again, pulling me away from the residual pain. His button-down was wrinkled, his tie loose, and his dark hair ruffled. Either he had just stepped out from a little tryst in the restroom or maybe he’d had a tough day too. Ok maybe the two were different looks, but sometimes aspects overlapped.
If I wasn’t going home soon I needed something caffeinated. I was on the edge of heading in the direction of my morning self. All rambles. No sense.
“I didn't think you would actually be asleep”
Case in point I had already started to drift my attention away from the stranger. He shouldn’t have been soo easy to slip away from. He was handsome. Intriguing. I had no idea why he was trying to talk to me though, clearly, I wasn’t giving off the most friendly vibes.
“I wasn’t.”
He made a noise like he didn’t believe me, or maybe he did. Nothing clear really just a noise. He was looking over his shoulder. I was already going to scare him away.
“Sorry. Sit. If you want. Or not. You’re right. It was rough. But good too.” Oh god. Caffeine. Needed. How I could ramble without speaking any more than a couple of words stringed together I didn’t know. I returned my eyes from where they were directing their rant at his chest to his eyes expecting that run-away look to be present. The one with the wide eyes, but where they try to smile.
His smile was more genuine. Surprising. He pulled out the chair across from me and sat.
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
Hi there, I hope you are having a good day! This is my first review here so it definitely won't be perfect.
I think this is a really approachable story, the first paragraph didn't really capture my full attention but as I kept reading I was definitely intrigued. I thought that the character and the romantic interest had a very cute start and I would love to know what happens next! I especially liked the description of the love interest and you did a good job describing that. I also enjoyed the writing style so far as it was easy to understand and fun to read.
All in all, this was really fun and I hope to see more about this story in the future
Thanks for the review!
Hi! I hope you're having a good day thus far!
Jumping straight in, the tone of this piece really caught my attention. We quickly get a sense for the narrator's personality and interests. It's compelling to read how their perspective on things paint their outlook on the setting and other characters, (including the supposed romantic interest!) They're clearly very cynical, a little antisocial, but still witty and intelligent. If you choose to continue this narrative, I'd be interested to see how they develop, or how they might foil the characteristics of their romantic interest.
Your sentence variety makes your prose very fun to read. Even in your final sentence-
-there is a lot of interest. I think that this is a large part of how you forge this casual and sardonic voice for your narrator.
I also particularly liked the description of said romantic lead-
-I would've liked to have seen more of this, both in regard to the setting and our narrator. At times, they felt a bit like a disembodied voice, as though they were only half present. I had very little sense of place, especially in the first half.
It would be interesting to see how you describe the narrators physical sensations. For example, rather than telling the reader they needed coffee, you could instead describe the slight headache forming in the back of their skull. You do a good job of this in the conversation between the narrator and the romantic interest, but it'd be cool to see it all throughout the story.
I really liked your style of writing. As stated above, I enjoyed the main characters witty commentary. It felt like I was having a back and forth banter with a good friend of mine. However, in your opening paragraph, I think it meandered slightly-
The above feels irrelevant to the story that's unfolding. As a general rule, opening paragraphs should serve a couple functions; establishing the setting, character, and plot. It did help us understand the narrator better, but as the reader, I had no clue what to expect from the oncoming paragraphs. I inferred we were at a sports game of some sort, to be proven wrong in the next sentence.
I actually think the second paragraph might serve as a better introduction than what you have currently. This is entirely subjective, but I might recommend swapping the two around, just to see how it flows!
All in all, this was a really fun read! I really like the main character so far, and I'm interested to see what you might have in store for them. Keep on writing, and have a great day!
Hey there! I'm glad you enjoyed this. I agree the first paragraph isn't the best lead-in. It is that way because this is part of a series of meet-cutes I wrote that all start in a similar way: with two colours. Nevertheless, I'll have to brain-storm how to make things a bit clearer. Thank you!
Hey there, I'm here in the middle of the night to give you a review.
First of all, I just want to say that this is great so far and I think it would be awesome if you continued writing this. Personally, I'm not big on romance as a genre but for me, this was entertaining to read. The way it is written seems casual and conversational in a way that adds to the humour and the reliability of the story as a whole.
The way the story opened was pretty good as it introduced and established the protagonist's opinion of sports as a whole and the cynical and judgmental personality of the protagonist.
The deadpan and judgemental humour was very good and entertaining as well as consistent throughout the story. It was also very relatable to me personally as I share the protagonist's disdain for sports.
I think it is interesting how much of the protagonist's thoughts were shown during the dialogue between the two of them with only a sentence or two in between. On that topic, the dialogue between the two seems fairly realistic despite it being few and far between.
Overall this was a good story and it would be good if you continued it, good job.
Sorry if the review wasn't great, I am very sleep deprived.
Hey there! Thanks for the review, it was great, but I hope you got/get some sleep.