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Wonder

by thegoldenbird


Two-month-old Ruchika extended her hand and the thing was now on her palm. It felt cool. She observed its smooth, perfectly transparent surface. It was round and beautiful. She stretched her hand into the sunlight and the thing sparkled like the necklace her mother wore. She beheld it with awe, then laughed softly. She turned towards her mother and held her hand out to show her the magical object.

*     *     *

Amrita smiled as her daughter Ruchika offered her a raindrop of the first monsoon shower.

-Written on the 10th of November, 2017-


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8 Reviews


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Reviews: 8

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Mon Mar 16, 2020 10:43 pm
candywriter wrote a review...



This is a really beautifully written piece! It’s a lovely description of how an infant sees the world, and then we see her mother, adoring her daughter.

I wish it were longer! I think it has a lot of potential to be a great novella, maybe.

I love now the raindrop is described as “magical”.

But who are these people? Where do they live? How do they live (rich or poor)?

I’d like to see a linger longer version and I would definitely review it!






Thank you for your appreciation. I'll surely post if I make it longer and more detailed.



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Sat Feb 29, 2020 10:54 am
misslacybee wrote a review...



This is a really beautiful piece of writing! Only- I'd quite like it to be longer.

I love your use of imagery and language, but I would also quite like to see more of the characters. Who is the girl, for instance? Where did the necklace come from? What's the significance of the first monsoon shower? And, more importantly, is this the end?

The names, however, are brilliant and I think the description is amazing. Even in such a short story, it's clear you have talent :) This is a great story - short, but sweet - and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much for writing this!






This work has been subject to some confusion as I have put this in the "Romance" category. However, I meant literary romance, as in romanticizing and not sexual romance. The first monsoon shower has been left incomplete so that it could mean anything to the readers. In India, monsoon is the most important source of water; it brings satisfaction to the farmers, happiness to the children, beauty to the romantics and an overall delight. However, rain can bring happiness in a million different ways and it is up to the reader to interpret it as they like. I didn't really think about the background of the girl and the necklace, however, as the story seemed complete in itself without extra details.
The choice of names is Indian, just like me :) I'm glad you like them.
This little incident could be the beginning of the beautiful lives of the characters, but I might not be continuing the story, if that is what you meant the "end" to be. I think, due to the variety of perceptions, that this would be better left open ended.
Thank you for the words of appreciation :)





This work has been subject to some confusion as I have put this in the "Romance" category. However, I meant literary romance, as in romanticizing and not sexual romance. The first monsoon shower has been left incomplete so that it could mean anything to the readers. In India, monsoon is the most important source of water; it brings satisfaction to the farmers, happiness to the children, beauty to the romantics and an overall delight. However, rain can bring happiness in a million different ways and it is up to the reader to interpret it as they like. I didn't really think about the background of the girl and the necklace, however, as the story seemed complete in itself without extra details.
The choice of names is Indian, just like me :) I'm glad you like them.
This little incident could be the beginning of the beautiful lives of the characters, but I might not be continuing the story, if that is what you meant the "end" to be. I think, due to the variety of perceptions, that this would be better left open ended.
Thank you for the words of appreciation :)



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Fri Feb 28, 2020 7:28 pm
matthew1y5 says...



I would like to know the backstory and/or origin of these characters, it leaves many questions. What makes this a romance when the only two characters are a two-month old girl and her mother? "What is the importance of "the first monsoon shower"? I see that there was thought put into this, I only want to know what the thought PROCESS behind it was.






By putting this work in the category "Romance", I meant to suggest literary romance, as in romanticizing. The first monsoon shower has been left incomplete so that it could mean anything to the readers. In India, monsoon is the most important source of water; it brings satisfaction to the farmers, happiness to the children, beauty to the romantics and an overall delight. However, rain can bring happiness in a million different ways and it is up to the reader to interpret it as they like. As the names and the term "monsoon" suggests, the origin of the characters is Indian.
I hope I have answered your queries.



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Fri Feb 28, 2020 7:27 pm
matthew1y5 wrote a review...



I would like to know the backstory and/or origin of these characters, it leaves many questions. What makes this a romance when the only two characters are a two-month old girl and her mother? "What is the importance of "the first monsoon shower"? I see that there was thought put into this, I only want to know what the thought PROCESS behind it was.




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Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:31 am
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starryknightt wrote a review...



Hello there! My name is M and I'm back from the dead to tell you how amazing you did.

Not going to lie... when I saw the tag ROMANCE I ran over here real fast. And maybe it's nothing like I thought it would be, but wow.

W
O
W

I am most definitely not disappointed. This is gorgeous. It's so well-written, I could feel my perspective shifting with the child. I could FEEL her emotions, and it was pure and thoughtful and fleeting. It was fantastic.

The imagery was spot on. I certainly did not realize it was a raindrop at first (whether because of my sleep-deprived brain or your sheer brilliance). However, I thought OF COURSE when it was revealed, and I still held the innocent wonderment of a child's point of view. I was still able to live in it and continue reading. This is really, really good. I can't help but want more writing like this.

-M






Thank you for your words of appreciation, M. I'm glad you liked it.





This work has been subject to some confusion as I have put this in the "Romance" category. However, I meant literary romance, as in romanticizing and not sexual romance. I'm glad that you liked it anyway.



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Wed Feb 26, 2020 1:59 am
Stellarjay says...



Oh my goodness, this was so enjoyable to read! Also, can I just say how well you can write short stories. I've read many short stories and I have to admit, this one has been the best so far!






Thank you for the appreciation.



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Tue Feb 25, 2020 5:08 pm
Tawsif wrote a review...



Is there anything special about the 10th of November, 2017 I should know? Okay, never mind!

You know, thegolderbird, I am a nature lover. That's why I love to write about nature myself, and also read about nature. And that's why I loved this little piece.

The story is just too cute! A little child seeing a little raindrop for the first time ever and taking it for a magical entity--excellent idea. It just shows how innocent children are when they are just children. And they grow up, the appreciation of the little things is never there. All are just taken for granted.

Do you love to write these flash fictions?

I really love this piece. Hope to see more from you.






Thank you for the appreciation.
When I am in nature, I find myself looking at all the little things in wonder and it is as though a part of me that I ignored in the mundane city life is peeking out and embracing the freshness. This piece came about from a similar moment during a retreating monsoon shower of that year.
I don't have a particular pattern of writing. I write what I feel. Hence my works are usually a glimpse at that particular phase of my life. They are widespread in genre- spanning from depression to spirituality, with almost everything in between.
I began posting my works in near chronological order a few months ago. Hence the date; there's nothing special about it :D
Thank you once again for your words of appreciation.




"The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein