z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Heavens glorey.

by Jonathan


Meny times I have looked longingly up at the sky hoping believing that there is a heaven that I will go to when my time comes but o the wonder of it, to be re united with long gone loved ones that you thought you would never see and for me-just to see my father who I know is up there would make me feel great to see your favorite pet to have everything perfect and right and no one is unhappy or in a bad mood, that is something I have looked forward to but the one thing above all else is to serve Jesus with all my soul and heart and never give way to anything but him and so to see the glorious place of the lord.

But just think if Jesus can move mountains and tem seas then he must have the greatest house ever and to live there with Jesus forever to have such a great lord by your side O the wonder of it all.

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Points: 2227
Reviews: 157

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Tue Apr 09, 2013 12:59 am
arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



Hi there? First off, I must admit I liked this. However, the YWS format of no stanzas threw me off. <-(

This piece is full of many positive aspects such as lovely, strong imagery and a strong, thoughtful ending. It was also a bold testement of your faith put into words, which not everyone can do. However, there were negative aspects. :-(

To start off, there were no stanzas! I imagine this isn't your fault though. But, beauyiful as it was, this piece was littered with dreadful and annoying spelling errors. For instance, is meany supposed to be many? Also I believe reunited is one word. There may be a dash there, I'm not sure.

But there isn't anything some spell checks and re-reading can't fix, I don't think.




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31 Reviews

Points: 578
Reviews: 31

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Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:53 pm
Annapurna wrote a review...



Hi there!

Here's my quick review:

I liked this, it is a very bold and poetic piece of work! I like that! :)

I don't believe in Heaven or God but for me I could still picture it, your use of imagery is great. I'm not sure if this is a script though?

One thing I think you must work on, however is your punctuation; there is a sentence that is six lines long without a single comma or full stop and you need to add them in! This will improve the flow and also give the reader time to breath!

overall this is a really nice piece of work :)

Keep Writing,

~*Annapurna*~





Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain