SWAT

I didn’t liked him. I didn’t liked him a bit. There was something about this guy, Adam.

There is some strange feeling you get about something or someone. They call it intuition, huh? Maybe… But this was something other than that. When you see a person and get this feeling, it won’t leave you alone before that person goes away. Everybody around notices and sees how you start to act weird, how you change in a moment. But that moment won’t pass too soon. They feel it too, they sense your characteristics. But they can’t tell What’s wrong with you. What’s wrong you can’t tell them, to  answer their questions. You can’t explain what’s gotten to your mind. It just starts from heart and makes it’s slow and painful way up to the brain. Filling you up with rage.

My name’s Fred Russel. Back then, I used to work in SWAT team. Whole my life I’ve spent in army, in war, Vietnam vet. I have seen things I wish I hadn’t. I was good at my job, really good. I was always best friends with every squad leader. They were always counting on me, They trusted me. They trusted me as a person and as a soldier. Many of them died. I earned lot’s of medals and honor, I thought that meant something, I was too young. Once I returned to my home city, they offered me a job in SWAT. I got trough some tests, it was a piece of cake and I got in SWAT with ease.

I was in Delta team. Everything was going smoothly. Usually we worked with Alpha team. Both teams were for hardest, sometimes hostage situation’s and group-armed robberies. Two best men from Alpha and two from Delta with a leader – we were five man, but that was army for anyone in building. One of my early teammates, Dawkins, was in Delta team. We were good friends, we used to have a drink after work. Leader of Alpha-Delta or AD team was Frank, one of those old army guy’s who’s filled up with hate towards everything. But he was tactical genius, always had a good plan for any circumstances. Sometimes he would go with me and Dawkins for a drink. Once he was drunk, he was telling us everything about his life. Used to be a good man.

                Then they added Adam to our team. Blonde haired, young guy, about twenty five years. He was from Beta team, team that usually just surrounds building, they are looking trough scopes and back-sights waiting their order to go back. How the hell Adam made to our elite SWAT? It was a puzzle, thought that drilled hole in my head. He was always cracking jokes, he thought he was funny. Somehow, everyone greeted him with open arms. Well I didn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t liked him, he felt that, but he wasn’t paying attention.

                After a week I was at home. I was laying in bed with Amy. she finally decided to ask me:

• 
  Fred… Is there something wrong?


• 
  What do you mean?

 women always sense when something’s up with their man. In my case it wasn’t really about that, I was always thinking and couldn’t get that late, brain drilling feeling out of my head, out of my heart.

• 
  Something’s wrong at your job?.. I know I shouldn’t ask you about it but, I’m worried about you.


• 
  There’s always something going on with me and my job. Nothing serious sweet heart, sometimes it just get’s on my chest.


• 
  You can tell me…


• 
  Nah… This is hard. It’s just suspicions…


• 
  About what?


• 
  About people…


• 
  You don’t trust people you work with?


• 
  I don’t know if I trust anyone.


• 
  You can trust yourself and your intuition.

she hugged me and kissed me. She trusted me, but did I trusted her? I was thinking about word “intuition”. She doesn’t knows anything. But yet, she said that. I never used intuition in my life, if I did,  I thought I would’ve been dead by that time.

So there I was. Sitting in room with my squad. Adam was talking to Dawkins about something. They were laughing. I’ve decided not to pay attention to my “intuition” or whatever and it would pass with time. We got a call about armed robbery. Frank was waiting us at SWAT vehicle. He provided additional information and strategy. Some teenage gangs decided to go crazy and take control of liquor store. Cops got them surrounded but they were heavily armed, one cop got shot and couple of hostages too. We got there quickly.

• 
  Okay everybody, They don’t know that SWAT arrived. We won’t use front door – Frank was making it clear one more time.


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  Come on Frank, they’re just kids… - We all had masks on, but I could sense Adams smiling face.


• 
  We must not underestimate them. These aren’t kids that me or Fred used to be. Robbing banks and killing people is their regular day while playing computer. I saw that shit and it was damn realistic. So listen to me! They probably have back door covered too. We will go there from second floor.  They already shot two or three hostages, so we’ll rush in and take them down.

We got up on second floor from fire escape. We heard them screaming.

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  They are running around building! The cops!


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  You guys don’t want us to kill another fag in this store, do ya?! We got plenty of them!!!

There was so much confidence in their voices. I’ve seen a lot’s of psychos, blowing up themselves for imaginary gods. But this guys didn’t believed in anything. We got up on second floor, Frank led us to a toilet room.

• 
  We’ll blow up floor and get down. Beta team got them numbered, there are six of them. Police will make noise from all around, so they won’t be able to hear us.


• 
  Aren’t they requesting anything? – asked Dawkins. question that mocked us all. Except Adam, his eyes were fascinating, like a little kid who gets birthday present.


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  No, they don’t. Okay, Beta team has all of them at  sight. Now it’s time for police.

Police turned on their sirens and started to talk in microphone, something about surrendering. We planted sticky bomb, it didn’t make much sound, just a little “bump”. Once we all jumped down everything got back quiet.

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  Okay, people, you all know what to do. Delta team to the back door, Alpha to the front. Adam cover delta team as they move, I’ll cover alpha. On my signal break the door.

Everything was going as planned. We got in fire but took three of them down. Every shot in legs. I took their weapons, Dawkins got them cuffed.

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  I’m bleeding you morons! Take me to the hospital! – they always scream like that.

We didn’t knew where other three were. Beta team told Frank that they escaped. We chased them trough neighborhood. Beta had them in sight so we knew where they were. Adam was running so fast, he disappeared in alleys. We lost them.

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  Beta come in! Can you hear me. We lost suspects and our man too… Do you have them in sight? – Frank was trying to get info from Beta. Operation failed. How could they escape? Police and Beta team were all over the place. There must’ve been a tunnel or something. It wasn’t only about crazy teenagers, this was planned. Suddenly we heard Adam’s gunshots.


• 
  Beta! We got them!

They were just around a corner. Adam was standing there, with his mask off, smiling. Three body’s around him, bleeding with ill faces. Faces that were still alive and would be dead in few minutes. Last words they hear:

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  I got them! – There was Adam’s victorious, happy face.


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  You killed them?.. – I grabbed Adam.


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  They were armed, they would’ve killed me… let me go!


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  Armed with what? Knives? – Those guys didn’t had rifles or pistols with them. – Don’t tell me they attacked you! We are in a straight alley… you saw them, you shot them you fucking psycho!

 I punched him in the face, he fell down and his nose started bleeding. He was looking face to face of yet alive man, who he shot. He got scared. He crawled away from him, but he noticed other dead body. His smiling face started crying. Tears from eyes, blood from nose and spit from his mouth – it was a sign that my intuition didn’t lie to me. Frank grabbed me

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  Calm down Russel. We got this.


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  AD come in, this is Beta, what’s your status?


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  We got situation under control. Three man down…

Frank started talking to Beta. But I was feeling strange. Not with Adam, but with myself. I thought something was going on with me. My heart was beating like never before. I was staring at my feet, but my mind was staring at Adam.

Later that night me and Dawkins were drinking at pub.

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  This guy is a psycho! – I started conversation after a while.


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  I know, I was there… But he passed psychology test, right?


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  Come on, Dawkins. Any psycho with brains can pass it. Except that, how he made to our squad. He’s 25, and I see he’s not a wunderkind. I’m going to check his files…


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  I already did. There’s nothing suspicious. He was best in army and… This doesn’t make sense. But I tell you what. – he looked around and started whispering - Everything is signed from Frank. Every document is proved by Frank. He got Adam in AD. But I can’t figure out for what… Frank visited him in army, Frank granted him medals for field trainings. Everything is coming from him.


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  But he’s not so powerful.


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  I know. But yet he’s the one responsible, he got Adam with us.


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  Well, however, his plans failed. We won’t see Adam again. – I was so naive.

Finally I got home. Amy had a worried face. She looked at me scared. She smiled. I smiled back. She hugged me

• 
  Don’t be so late Freddie…


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  Don’t be so scared Amy… - My smiling face was calming her down. Only thing that could make me smile – it was she.


• 
  Look, I… Why you don’t tell me anything?


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  You don’t have to worry about my…


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  I’m going crazy! I can’t be like this! Don’t you understand? I know something is bothering you, not letting you sleep.

 She had kind a same feeling that I shared with Adam. Only she was caring about me. She didn’t knew nothing, she just felt, and I saw that feeling in her eyes, in her face, in whole her body.

• 
  You were right.


• 
  Right about what?


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  About trust issue we discussed earlier…


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  Someone wants to kill you?!


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  No, someone just wants to kill. And I work with that man everyday.

My words were scaring me. Man that hungers for blood, for war, for carnage, that man is a monster. I know that feeling, but I was fighting for something, at least I believed I was defending my country, my beloved ones. Killing people is hard, but once you kill couple, it’s like shooting puppets in army training. It’s even easier in war. People die around you like bugs. You get used to it.

• 
  So can’t you change place? Go to other section?


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  No. I must take care of this.


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  Think about me.


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  I didn’t fail so far. What can it be to take out one man?


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  I think you should quit that job…

Those words got struck in my head. “quit”. I never quit anything. Whole my life I was going forward, you can’t just quit anything. It’s like to betray yourself. I never thought about that. But maybe it’s time, I’m almost forty. Maybe these strange feelings come from my past. Maybe even later I’ll have even harder emotional strikes, nightmares. Maybe this is to get old, your sins are starting to make you suffer.

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  Find a normal job. And live like normal man.


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  I already said no to normal life. Now it’s too late. I can’t just quit. At least, this is the last thing I must do now. We can talk about that later. Now I must go.

I got to headquarters. I put on my suit, rifles and other inventory. I sat down next to Dawkins. He was counting bullets and playing with pistol. I felt awful. Suddenly I got scared, annoyed, mad and terrified. It was Adam. He was sitting on table in front of me. Staring at me with his crazy eyes, eyes that won’t tell you anything about person, they just drive you crazy, you get scared of yourself because you don’t know why you feel like this.

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  Dawkins, I got a word with you – I grabbed, him we walked away


• 
  Look, I know man…


• 
  What the hell is he going here?!


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  Frank man, Frank! He controls the whole situation. Nobody asks him a god damn thing, he does what he wants.


• 
  But we, he can’t control us!


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  Hell yeah he can. He runs everything around, don’t you see? We have a psycho in AD and nobody’s saying nothing. I don’t want to loose my job, I’ll watch my back…


• 
  You must not think only about your own ass.


• 
  Hell yeah I will! Let go of me man! Do whatever you want, I don’t care about all this!

He got scared. But I didn’t. I wasn’t afraid of anything in that moment. Moment when you feel yourself invincible, makes you vulnerable. We all are afraid of something. We must keep open mind. Earlier in morning I drove to Franks house. I was waiting for him in alley. Soon old man showed up. He didn’t notic me. I got close to his back, pulled out a pistol and poked him with barrel. I hided a gun in my sleeve.

• 
  Russel?! Have you gone mad?!


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  I was about to ask you the same question old man.


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  About Adams, right?


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  Yes. He’s a psycho, why are you covering him? Why do you need him? What you are up to Frank? You got everybody scared, but somehow you forgot about me. There’s two choices here: you are telling me everything or I’ll shoot you, and answers to my questions won’t mean anything.


• 
  I thought about you, and I believed you would understand. Russel, how do you think, what’s Beta teams job?


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  To keep an eye on the situation and inform us.


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  Inform, that’s correct. But I got them on the next level. Me and Beta team are working on suspects. We chase them. Those teenage boys, it wasn’t their first time. You arrested one of them two times earlier. But yet, they got out. Some big people stand behind their backs Russel, people that we can’t get to.


• 
  Mafia?


• 
  Not really. Politics, business mans, all the other scum that sitting at the table. Making me, you and those other guys do their dirty job. These robberies are just theater, while every news channel is showing it, big guys are doing their work. Whatever they want. Beta team let those guys escape, we let them. It was much easier to explain their death with critical situation.


• 
  And you think you oppose to those guys?


• 
  At least they know that someone is after them. Nothing will go same Russel. We will kill them all. They don’t deserve to live. Man who threatens women and kids with death, that man must die.


• 
  And why you need this psycho Adam? To do your dirty work? You can’t just go slaughter people so you make him?


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  I’m covering myself. If something goes wrong, I can tell that Adam got crazy, But I control him. Everything will be good if you don’t mess up.


• 
  Maybe you are right at some point. But you are too little man and have too big plans. You’ve lost your mind Frank. I’ll leave you for now, I must think about everything and I suggest you to do the same. You can’t change the world, especially with psychos around.

Next day we were on crime scene, bank heist. I shot five suspects, two of them died. It was a crossfire, all of us were split up and Beta was giving us directions. Some walls were blown up, trenches were big enough to see the whole other room. I knew Frank and Adam were in basement. I turned off Gamma team radio. You get used to a voice in your head, that tells you where to go and what to be aware of. That voice never lies and gives you exact details. You know you can trust it. It would be good to have that voice in life, or wouldn’t? I was walking trough corridor, slowly, counting my breath, waiting to hear my own suspects. It didn’t took too long. I heard Franks voice, it had fear, despair. It was coming from six or seven meters away and on the other side of the wall, but I heard it like a whisper in my year.

• 
  Adam, take it easy..! – He thought he was in charge - Okay kid, put that thing down…

Frank was trying to calm himself, he’s voice was having lack of charisma that I was used to. Other wall of the room had bigger trench. This room was a secret money store. The other one with big door and passwords was empty, only documents and some boxes were there. It was cover for robbers, they would spend hours to figure out braking the giant door, while what they needed would be in regular room, just like the others.

I finally saw the whole scene. Little girl, about six-seven years old, was standing in front of Adam and Frank, she was holding a gun and pointing at them.

• 
  You look just like them! You all have guns! Stay away! – girl was crying, screaming. She was in panic.

Five dead bodies were in room, bleeding. Some armed, some not. They’ll say - suspects killed them all. We are the instigators. It’s all covered up.

• 
  Get the gun away little girl… We don’t want to hurt you…

 Adam was playing with her, getting whole satisfaction from the situation. He was aiming at girl, causing even more terror within her. Franks face was full of fear, unconfident old bastard. I pushed myself trough trench, wanted to take control of the situation. But little girl closed her eyes and started firing around. It all happened in moment, I heard Adam firing. He shot her. I dropped my weapon, tried to grab Adam, Frank got in my way. I hit him with elbow, blood spilled from his mouth to my face. I remembered the feeling, the hunger, hunger for blood, hunger for war, hunger to kill. Adam threw the first punch, I cought his fist in my palm, started twisting it, slowly, painfully. I was amazed, he thought he could take me out. He threw another punch…

And I remembered being in Hostage in Vietnam. Three tight-eyed soldiers were torturing me, beating to death. They thought I knew their language and some information. They mixed me up with someone else. I was tied to the chair. They were beating me with American knuckles. In moment I thought: maybe this is it, I’m going to die. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t let that thought to stay in me. I couldn’t leave Amy, I couldn’t leave myself. It wasn’t my turn to die. I broke chair, broke one’s head, choked the other one with chair’s leg and I saw terror in third soldiers little eyes. Terror of death. And I got scared. I blacked out, I was hungry, thirsty, I couldn’t keep myself on feet, I heard gunfire and frozen terrified face fell on mine. I woke up and US army were all around.

I knew this guy was a psycho, but I had my excuse too. I broke his both hands, he’s scream sometimes still gets in my ears, broke his right leg, I was feeling his bones crunching in my palms. I felt his pain, I felt it like my own. I put pistol in his throat and started firing. I didn’t wanted magazine to end, right in that moment I wished it to be enough for couple more hours. Magazine got empty, my mind got back. I turned around to Frank, he was covering his face.

• 
  You know what I realized in Vietnam, Frank? I realized what was all around me. Nature, Frank, Nature. It is nature that kills, robs, murders, tortures, causes wars, millions of deaths, terror and fear, rage and carnage. It is human nature, it is our legacy. You can’t just take and change it, nobody can. You can just adapt with it.

 

Little girls face, full of fear, terror, blood dripping from mouth, staring at me. She was shot in chest. Still alive, looking at me, asking questions, and I didn’t have the answers.