Dear You.

i loved this story. mostly because iv'e been in that possition and i get it. partly because i liked the harry potter and asian utensil analogies <3 it was superr good (:

This was really good and deep and it had a good amount of emotions. This was greatly written! And it's a brilliant story! All of the other reviwers pretty much covered it all!
Happy Writing
~Cassie9960~

I loved this! I laughed so loud, my mother is looking at me weird. I also love the Harry Potter references, im a fan. Well i guess that's it since there's nothing really wrong with this excepted it ended. Keep writing!!

Aw! Thanks!

Okay, no grammar stuff.
Then I really, really liked it. Your character had a great voice and was genuinely enjoyable. She's quick, witty, and she can make great analogy's to chopsticks that may be a little racist, I'm not sure. Good job. You should get hyped up on cough drops and red bull every day. (That's probably bad for your health.)
Keep writing!

Two words. Loved. It. It was easy to relate to, and wonderfully sarcastic. It was very realistic, exactly how a normal teenage girl would think. Brilliant.

Lol, I only saw this review now. xD Thanks Roth! I didn't end up winning the contest because my piece was disqualified because it was too short but that was months ago xD

Surely not the worst written! Not close. I do love this, a lot.

Isn't it funny how our best works are done when we're barely thinking about what we're writing, and we just sit down to type away...but then we think about it and we find we don't like it as much. We try too hard. That's why I like it - I'm not saying you didn't try on this, but just that there's a free feeling throughout it.

Just my small ramblings Of course keep writing and all that fabulous jazz.

I want to talk further into the story, I'm not sure if you wrote this from your heart, from a personal experience in the general subject, or anything such, or if it's just...written. If it's just "written" as I'm saying, then you - my friend - have some serious talent. If this did come from the heart or somewhere along those lines, then I'm surely not saying that you don't have talent. I love it when something comes from the heart, it makes it easier to connect to.

Thanks for sticking through me through my most likely long and boring review

Dear Jas,

Is there something wrong with you? Are you hyped up on too much Red Bull or something? How in the world could you think this is the worst story ever told. This is art, I mean of course you have your fair share of grammar mistakes but who doesn't.I don't want to sound like everybody else that commented on Dear You but I absolutely loved this story. You bring a common cliche and turn it into a master piece (not many people can do that;) ). Please PM me when you come up with more ideas and if you ever have writers block I'd love to help.

~Dominique

P.S. Keep Writing

AWW.
That was my overall feeling from reading this. (It's a good feeling!)
You've allowed readers to empathise with the MC, which is good.
I got a little lost with the Harry Potter analogy, but mind you, Ron Weasley marries the ravishing Miss Granger in the end
One thing I didn't quite like was the cliched he's-so-perfect guy that the MC is in love with. (Though I've been guilty of that in my early writings)
Things you can work on are some of your descriptions. While you're trying to make your story sound relatable, some expressions are rather inelegant and awkward, at least to me. Also, her best friend doesn't really sound like a best friend to me. There's so much anger and resentment that I'm left a bit sceptical of how close they are as friends.
Anyway, this was a good read!
~Meep(:

Thanks!

Worst written story???!!??!?!??!!! I BEG TO DIFFER!!
This was wonderfully written and really had true meaning to it: the grammar shouldn't matter to a true writer: just to object of getting feeling to paper (or in this case, screen of your computer.) It really seemed like it meant something. I like how You had the labels at the end crossed out then you just put
-Me.. so sadly adorable...
You should be proud of this piece. I majorly like it. (worry about grammar and such when you are Red bull sober..haha)

-----your friendly neighborhood
ASH1397

Hey!
I really liked this...and I mean a lot.
I loved how you did the chop stick analogy and the Harry Potter analogy too! It was really creative and I admire you for that.
I hope to read more like this from you!
Thank you for posting it!
Again, I loved it... a lot!

Awwww Rebz!! You are awesome!

Lol, thanks Kaka! The truth is I did literally write it on th spur of the moment. I saw this newspaper ad thingy to win 50 bucks if you write a story about a common cliche and make it different. I don't know if I did but I tried. About 10 minutes after I finished it I put it up on YWS which is waaaaaay different from what I normally do. After I finish the work, I leave it on my computer to ripen a bit, then I come back and fix grammar and spelling, then I leave it for a couple of weeks, then I read it over and fix plot holes and such, have a close friend read it then post it. I actually have 3 works in the ripening stage, two I'm fixing the spelling and grammar with right now and 1 I'm re-writing with different plot twists and my friend has like 6 pieces that I emailed to her last night. The problem is most of this stuff never ends up on YWS cus' my friend who is the daughter of a published Times Best Selling List or whatever it's called, author and she's really straight up and tells me when it sucks.

~Jas

jasminebells wrote: So, I'm kind of hyped up on cough drops and Red Bull. I wrote this in a fit of spastic inspiration and don't be surprised if it makes the list for worst written stories in the universe. Grammar mistakes don't matter much to me, just what you thought overall of the story would be good.

EVIL LLAMA HYBRID MONKEYS.

Btw, the 12+ if for slight cursing.


Dear You,

She looks like a princess tonight. You know it. I know it. Everyone in this god-damned universe knows it.

I don’t even know why I bother to come any more. I’m like chopsticks to you, aren’t I? Use it once, play with it a little, then throw it away for the oh-so superior fork while thinking ’Damn those Asian’s and their complicated utensils’. And you know that’s exactly what you’d be thinking. You’re just sarcastic like that. See what you reduce me too? Nonsensical babbling about utensils.

I swear your eyes were shining once she came in, she just brought in that light with her. I was forced to go and give her that stupid little kiss on the cheek and big I-saw-you-three-hours-ago-but-it-feels-like-forever hug. I wanted to be resentful towards her, but it’s just so damn hard because she’s my best friend and has been there for me through a lot. Then of course, making me feel all third-wheelish, you started to kiss for about ten or so hours, completely forgetting the ‘Don’t make out while Christy is around’ rule. How rude.

Anyway, I played chauffeur while you guys laughed at some inside joke in the back, we got to the movies on time and everything was just awesome. You paid for popcorn and soda and remembered that I wanted Dr. Pepper mixed with Cherry Coke, even though you forgot about her soda combinations (Sunkist with Diet Pepsi and a shot of red Hi-Ci). We all sat together with you in the middle and instead of watching Jackie Chan kick ass, I watched as you put your arms around her and both of you just looked at each other the whole time. You whispered your love and my cheesy romance hating brain barfed while my love deprived heart swooned. I slid as far away from you as I could and tried to focus on the movie.

Half way through, she needed to go to the bathroom and dragged me with her, forcing me to listen to her pee and talk about how great you are and how you volunteer with disabled children and how you‘re getting on the Deans Honor Roll list for the highest Senior GPA and the rest of her babbling. Of course, I already knew this stuff so I just zoned her out and imagined I had stayed with you instead of gone to the bathroom and we talked like we used to before you two broke the best friends rule and started to date.

It sucks, doesn’t it? Because she knew about everything and still went after you. That even though I was in love with you for three freaking years, she still got her big forest green eyes set on you. She was never very trustworthy but I still trusted her with my secrets. And that left me as the quiet best friend of this pathetic play, while you played the handsome but humble male lead and her, obviously as the beautiful seductress. It sucks because you’re still so clueless, still so freaking oblivious to everything. We always joked how she was the female Harry Potter, gorgeous, smart, funny with an exciting past, while I’m the female Ron Weasley, the poor, clumsy red-head, who was always sidekick except I had the brain that sad, little Ron lacked. Now it’s true, because I guess in retrospect, you’re the male Ginny and I’m just a sibling to you. Just a sister, someone to joke with and ask girl advice, no one to ever look at in any other way because that would just seem like incest.

It sucks because I know you like me too, even if you won’t admit it. In the deepest part of your heart, you know it’s true but you’re with her so it’s shameful to think about.

It sucks because even though I swore I was over you, I know I’m not.

And I know I won’t ever be.

Respectfully,

Sincerely,

Love,

-Me

Awful? Worst story? Honey, when you wrote that you MUST have been on something other than red bull. This is fantastic. You captured her fustration so well, it was like WOW. In fact, WOW is the only way I can describe it! The thing with chopsticks then getting a fork was so easy to relate to. I could feel the fustration coming at me through the screen.

This is a topic no one has touched before (that I've seen) and that is what makes people want to read it.

Again, fantastic! Please write more like it!


Rebz

Thanks for the reviews guys! I get the results from the contest next week! *crosses fingers*

~Jas

Thirteen years??? Man, you wrote a really profound story! It's funny, it's not like this is something that has never been written about before, but we like to read about it again and again because that sort of thing concerns us all in a way. I could really put myself in the place of the main character girl.
Thumbs up!

I can completely relate to this!!!!
Great job!!!!!!
-Jane

Aw Hope! Your going to make me cry! :_) It's funny because you have seen me grow so much in my writing since I started YWS exactly a year ago today! Thanks for the review

~Jas

Hey Jas! Sorry I'm a little late, but better late than never, right? So let’s jump into it!

I don’t even know why I bother to come any more. I’m like chopsticks to you, aren’t I? Use it once, play with it a little, then throw it away for the oh-so superior fork while thinking ’Damn those Asian’s and their complicated utensils’. And you know that’s exactly what you’d be thinking. You’re just sarcastic like that. See what you reduce me too? Nonsensical babbling about utensils.

I swear your eyes were shining once she came in, she just brought in that light with her.

I was forced to go and give her that stupid little kiss on the cheek and big I-saw-you-three-hours-ago-but-it-feels-like-forever hug. I wanted to be resentful towards her, but it’s just so damn hard because she’s my best friend and has she’s been there for me through a lot.

Then of course, making me feel all third-wheelish, you started to kiss for about ten or so hours, completely forgetting the ‘Don’t make out while Christy is around’ rule. How rude.

That even though I was in love with you for three freaking years, she still got sether big forest green eyes set on you.

Hello! This was very good. It was so sad and heartfelt. The emotion was dead on and the descpritions made me feel as if I was there. The others have already mentioned the grammar so I will skip over that.
The letter was so moving and powerful. It told a story without being a story. Great job.
You gave us an insight on how the character feels which hits home with a lot of people.( Considering the predicament.)
Nicely done.
~Ballerina

XDD Snoink, I'm pretty sure it's "You belong with me

Thanks WickedWonder and Snoink and every single other person for the reviews!! Your all awesome!!

Hi jas!

This was a really sweet story! Well... a letter, really, but it told a sweet story. It kind of reminded me of Taylor Swift's song, You Belong to Me... which is a pretty excellent song, lol. Anyway, just one grammar thing I noticed:

’Damn those Asian’s and their complicated utensils’.

It should be:

’Damn those Asians and their complicated utensils.'

Two changes here... take a look.

Nice story!

There can be no way in the known universe that you are two years younger then me, yet just a better writer.
It's true. This is funny, smart, yet clever and bitter, everything I can't write.
The emotion and description were spot on, and I found that it was an all over amazing peice
~WickedWonder

You say that this is the worst story in the universe? Poppycock!!!! This is very inside the charecters head. I'd write more but they have everything covered!:) Greatly written!

xD I read all my reviews and anxiously hope more come! Thanks so much for the review Princess and Skins!

~Jas

BTW, this is entirely fiction, lol.

Oh, my dear. It's quite likely you won't even read this review since you've already gotten so many and are probably no longer watching it like a hawk to see if anyone new has commented on it, but just in case you do read it, just let me tell you that this piece was beautiful in every way. Written in a realistic, natural teenage-girl voice about a relatable subject and just delightfully quirky throughout. It reminded me a lot of my poem "Love, Awkwardness, and Moonlight: As Told by a Third Wheel." It sucks being a third wheel, doesn't it? I feel your pain.

Heya Jas

I'm here to review as requested. One thing I'd like to mention before I get started is that I think you should take out the part in brackets in your title. It's pretty distracting and it isn't very attractive either xD I think you should just keep it as Dear You. Plus, don't be so down on yourself... you're beginning to sound like me. I know you're not too bothered about grammatical stuff, but I'll give you a quick few nit-picks anyway.

Use it once, play with it a little, then throw it away for the oh-so superior fork while thinking ’Damn, those Asian’s and their complicated utensils’.

Then, of course, making me feel all third-wheelish, you started to kiss for about ten or so hours, completely forgetting the ‘Don’t make out while Christy is around’ rule.

Anyway, I played chauffeur while you guys laughed at some inside joke in the back. We got to the movies on time and everything was just awesome.

Half way through, she needed to go to the bathroom and dragged me with her, forcing me to listen to her pee and talk about how great you are, how you volunteer with disabled children, how you‘re getting on the Deans Honor Roll list for the highest Senior GPA and the rest of her babbling.

And that left me as the quiet best friend of this pathetic play, while you played the handsome, but humble, male lead, and her, obviously as the beautiful seductress.

It sucks because you’re still so clueless, still so freaking oblivious to everything. We always joked how she was the female Harry Potter; gorgeous, smart, funny with an exciting past, while I’m the female Ron Weasley; the poor, clumsy red-head, who was always sidekick except I had the brain that sad, little Ron lacked.

Great story Freshy, but why are you always high on red bull! Well you did a pretty good job throughout the whole thing and I really like the reference to the Harry Potter universe. I'm not much for romantic novels, but I can tell that they definitely run off of emotion, something you have a lot of in this piece.

Nice job,

Day

Holy Mussolini, I wish I could write like this in a red bull powered tizzy! I loved every line of this. I ate it up like a pancake breakfast and I never wanted it to end. Generally, I would have rolled my eyes over that chop sticks metaphor, but it fit the voice so well that it actually made me smile. I sincerely hope you write so freely in the future!

Enjoyed every second of it.
-Lauren

Thanks for the reviews! Wow, I never thought I'd make featured.

I love this. How could you think it doesn't make sense? I love the way you took a cliche such as this and turned it into well... this. I can feel the bitterness wellimg up inside your character. I adore this, it's absolutely wonderful. PM me if you win the contest.

Hi Jas,

So I thought it was awesome. The emotions in there... Well I'm just going to say that it made me feel like I was the one who was saying all those things, the one that lived it. Thank you, it was beautiful. And don't say it sucks or it makes no sense, because it does. It does for everyone that ever got that feeling of loosing someone.

Keep on writing!

-Other One

Thanks for the reviews guys! I have two days till I have to send it in to a newsaper for a contest IThe contest is to take a common cliche and try to make an original story out of it. I don't think I did very well so I appreciate all the help

~Jas

Jas i think it is kinda cool ! i mean ,it's kinda different and it's something that a teenage-girl would feel if they're bestfriend date they're Ex.

And i loved how you ended it! with those words,but then you cancel them x) it's pretty amazing! if you write anything like this fell free to tell me i would love to read more of it

~Book Person~
love,Mel

I thought this was wonderful- you kept on switching who you were addressing it to, and the genders were a bit confusing at one point, but otherwise, this was human and raw, while maintaining a quirky little voice. Brilliant piece of writing. Loved it. c:


-Coral-

Makes no sense? This is your way of making sense of your frustration. It's funny and most teens on here can understand it completely. You're simply writing down what you cannot say.

jasminebells wrote: I wrote this in a fit of spastic inspiration and don't be surprised if it makes the list for worst written stories in the universe.

Grammar mistakes don't matter much to me, just what you thought overall of the story would be good.