Violence

A Lovecraftian Horror: Prologue

Preface

Welcome to the first in a series of chapters from my horror novel, A Lovecraftian Horror. For those of you who don't know what 'Lovecraftian' means, it's a sub-genre of the horror genre that focuses on the act of attaining forbidden knowledge to only, in the end, go entirely insane or be destroyed in some creative way. This is somewhat of a tribute to H.P Lovecraft.The chapters will be brief. In today's entry, I'll start with a prologue.

News

The next installment is slated for a few days from now. Before the new installment is submitted, I have some other works I would like to create and upload.

Prologue

The water lapped gently against the cliff, the ebb and the flow of the ocean melding in perfect harmony to create a soothing sound for those above to admire. They were grubbily cloaked, but their attire did not detract from their menacing presence. The air, chilled by the presence of these beings, was still and cold. A smell, a very odd smell, wafted down from the cliff.

The cloaked beings were committing to, it would seem to the casual observer, some sort of ritual. They stood in a circle, without speaking, moving around a fire that had been hastily made in a deep pit. From the shadows, apparitions appeared. A severed arm was first, and it revolved until falling to the ground in a bloody heap. They paid no mind to this, and as always, focused on the fire. Another apparition could be seen appearing as if from the shadows themselves, this time a severed horse head. They also paid no attention to this new oddity.

A few moments later, from the shadows appeared, a spectacle to behold. A cloaked monster, who stood 8 feet tall, loomed before them. It was of no human origin, drenched in blood with pale blue eyes that seemed to pierce the very veil between the natural and supernatural itself. It did not utter a single word, but those in the circle gave their undying attention to it and began to mutter strange words of unknown origins. In this manner, they danced around the beast, casting their words at it as if creating an enchantment.

Very soon, the beast defected to the shadows from which it had been moments before, born from. The rituals ceased, and the severed arm and horse head disappeared.

The water was still lapping against the cliffs, casually creating a soothing harmony for those above. But, this time, the water was blood.

Chapter One

In the village, the night's salty air, normally smelling of the ocean, smelled of more sinister stenches.

The inhabitants of the villages did not care to know anymore of the world than they did at the moment. They were content to live a life of indifference, as long as the world continued to exist. Yet, it still must be said. Things peculiar and strange did occur around their village.

That wasn't to say all of the folks in this village paid no mind to it. Jack Brinton is the perfect example. His house stood closest to the trees that signal the beginning of the forest. Some say the forest was infinite, some say it was the birthplace of the devil himself. Whatever it was, no one would ever go in there unless they absolutely had to.

Jack was the son of a blacksmith, whose forge also happened to be at the edge of the forest (or as close as anyone dared get to the forest). At the age of 14 (which he had attained weeks ago), he was preparing to take up the mantle and truly get to know the trade. He was horrified of the very idea of becoming a blacksmith, as his truest ambition at heart was to become an adventurer.

From the very first time he learned of the cliff, known as Wiser's Cliff, he had been fascinated with it, enthralled with its anciently malevolent nature. He was not foolish enough to venture out onto it at night, but he had spent many a day picking his way through the rocks, examining them for evidence of the supernatural happenings that reportedly occurred there regularly.

He had heard all of the stories, and enjoyed them greatly, but he never quite had the courage to venture onto the cliffs at night. It was at this time that he enjoyed the soothing sounds of the fire as he made his way to night.

Oddly enough, on this night, he dreamed of blood, water, and odd cloaked beings in a somewhat relevant circle around a fire. Of this, he could derive no meaning.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hello Jared, Wolf here for a review.
So I am not a big fan of horror books or films, being the complete chicken I am. However I did enjoy this. It was quite suspenseful, and beautifully written! At one point I was about to just stop (because again I am not a horror person), but your writing had me latch onto each and every word so I couldn't just abandon it.

Little nitpicks.

The cloaked beings were committing to, it would seem to the casual observer, some sort of ritual.
This sentenced tripped me up several times. The little comma phrase (blurb should I call it?) seemed slightly too long, and it ruined the flow of the sentence. I would recommend moving the comma blurb to the end of the sentence, just so you can get the point across that its a ritual without any interruptions.

I do agree with the previous reviewer, in saying that some spots seem a bit too repetitive. Try mixing up your vocabulary to make everything seem fresh and exciting.

One last critique; the parenthesis. I am such a huge nerd about this, but I always seem like things should look formal. You don't have to do this, there is nothing wrong with how this phrase stands on its own, but I do feel the middle paragraph with the parenthesis seems too informal. You can probably use commas to mark it off or put that information into another sentence.

Anyway, this was very wonderful and I loved the imagery. Tying in that little twist at the end was fabulous! Keep Writing,
~Wolfare

Thank you for your review. I will take all of your suggestions into consideration.

Hi! Welcome to YWS :)

I'm not used to reading let's say sort of horror short stories and I have to say I was really surprised as to how good it was! You are a fantastic writer, you use beautiful imagery and your style of writing is so unique it really gives a special theme to your story.

Here are some nitpicks:

They were grubbily cloaked, but their attire did not detract from their menacing PRESENCE. The air, chilled by the PRESENCE of these beings, was still and cold.

I think this is mostly just my opinion, but for some reason I never liked it when the same word is repeated twice right next to the other.

From the shadows, apparitions appeared.

Another apparition could be seen appearing as if from the shadows themselves, this time a severed horse head.

Again, probably just my own view but maybe you could find another verb to substitute "appeared" and "appearing"?

The water was still lapping against the cliffs, casually creating a soothing harmony for those above. But, this time, the water was blood.

I thought this was awesome! I love how you started and ended the Preface with the same description, but added that small yet shocking detail.

His house stands closest to the trees that signal the beginning of the forest.

This was the only sentence, as far as I could tell, where you switched to present tense. Change the "stands" to "stood".

Jack was the son of a blacksmith, who's forge also happened to be at the edge of the forest (or as close as anyone dared get to the forest).

*whose

He was horrified of the very idea of becoming a blacksmith,

I think i sounds better if you change the 'of' to 'at'.


See you around!

Thank you for your nitpicks. I, like any writer, make many mistakes and just glance over them when going through the editing process. I am glad to have multiple reviews on this piece to reference. I hope you will enjoy my next installment! I will take your suggestions to heart and fix the errors as promptly as I can.

User avatar
Tiaradyson
Review

You are very good at describing smells and little describing some surroundings. I am Impressed! I could really feel the taste of salt, from the ocean, the salt from off the dinner table lol little things your readers can picture and feel from your work


This is just a fix, I wanted to be a editor. So I am practicing on your piece lol
The Error I see, that I "THINK" you should fix is:

"Jack Brinton is the perfect example. His house stands closest to the trees that signal the beginning of the forest."

TO...
"Jack Brinton is the perfect example; his house stands closest to the trees that signal the beginning of the forest."
RIGHT THAT"S so freaking minor....
But honestly who cares about that? It's just little.

I've always liked the word ventured... I don't know why? I like how your work is informational, so we really don't need to worry of some things. This is really good and I'm super into horror books. So I'm kind of interested to see what will happen later in the book. I'd like you to update me every time a new chapter is being posted.
Is that Cool with you?

Yes, I shall be creating a new installment within a few days. I can tell you when it comes out.



Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux (One must imagine Sisyphus happy).
— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus