A little piece I wrote today. Enjoy!
“Just a few more...” he murmured, staring at his collection on the floor. Manically, possessed with a terrifying energy, he paced about the room.
“I am close to the perfect model,” he repeated, over and over, as if the repetitive chanting would edge him closer to his goals. His model sat on the floor, the center of attention. A single beam of light from a small window illuminated his model, but he knew it by memory, and no amount of shadow or darkness could obscure it.
His attention remained fixed on the model. As if he were enchanted, it seemed all of his movements were connected to the model in the middle of the room. He had spent perhaps weeks in his workshop, perfecting the model, but he never felt it was quite perfect. A haunting thought kept him up at night whenever he tried, in vain, to get some rest. The thought, a piercing bullet, was that the model may never be perfect.
He was only concerned with putting his family back together. With luck permitting, he would do it by the end of the month. Before everything changed, he had been a surgeon. He now needed to put some of that precision to good use. He would create the perfect family. With that in mind, he set about reattaching the severed limb of his son, Allen. The limb had been removed in a car accident, a few weeks ago. After that, he would reattach the legs of his late wife, and perhaps begin working on his daughter, Mary. Yes, he’d put them all back together eventually. He would perfect his model.
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139,425 Literary Works • 672,560 Reviews
Hey time for me to review your work. I'm not entirely sure what's going on here though except for the fact that he is a very disturbing person. I also think since this is so short that you should try to add more description. If you are really trying to make this a scary story I would add some more words like this maybe: "The man stood there staring at his dead family members thinking of how to make them more perfect then they were before." Things like this could add a little more curiosity to your reader. But I would say you have made a good start. Keep writing!
I liked the overall concept of your story. The idea that he had the power to fix something, perfect it even, that the society around him thought were impossible. It gave out somewhat of a grim and disturbing mood, but nonetheless it was decent. I did however that you need to diversity when you reference your "model" because I felt as if you used "model" so much in the story for no real reason. You didn't reference anything else that would have changed the focus off the model, so you don't need to repeat it 5 times.
Yeah, when I first wrote this, I didn't even have a name for it. I tried to find a word to replace model but I couldn't. Thanks for your review!
Ok, so I like this idea. However, I feel like this idea has been stressed before.
In the reviews, I saw that someone had seen it on an episode of CSI. I myself have seen it on an episode of Criminal Minds before. Besides the point of this, I like the story, it has a freaky sorta twist on it.
This is a short disturbing story that is almost right to the point. I like it, but I think it could be lengthened and a bit more detail could've been added.
I like the story, and I hope to see more disturbing writing coming from you.
-PerfectWeapon
Heres to your PerfectWeapon
Cracked bones with blind aggression
Like birds whose wings are broken
You live without direction!
Thanks for your review! If you liked it, try reading some of my other horror works. Particularly my horror works.
This is a good read during lunch break; the story is short and not time consuming. I love horrifying and terrifying stories that's why I chose your post. The story, for me, is not horrifying nor terrifying, but rather disturbing. This story is perfect for my pork chop. LOL.
Nice story of a man obsessed in conquering death. I'll give this post 3 out of 5 stars. It's good, however, I have read a lot of stories with this theme.
Keep writing horror stories.
Thanks for your review!
Well I will start by saying I started on this chapter. I saw a CSI episode just like this lol. Crazy surgeon tries to attach a limb taken off. Although in csi the guy was using legs from other people since his wife lost hers. I should say that in a real life sentence you cannot reattach a body part after two weeks of it being severed. Too attach a lost body part you have to do it within a few hours. Two weeks and it will already being starting a healing process and be too late.
But as a story plot it is really good and I look forward to where you take this story.
I have never seen that episode, but I realized this short story would likely draw some comparisons to other things such as shows and maybe even novels, even though the idea itself was not necessarily directly influenced by any of those mediums. Though I will point out that this guy isn't concerned about saving his family, as they are already dead. He sees the reattaching of their limbs, in a futile way, as a means of bringing his family back. But thanks for your review, and I'm glad you like it.
Yeah I'm not sure which csi because there was three but I think it was the one with the short, thin, dark haired, young, white guy in charge.
Wasn't saying it was related just how similar. Yeah I knew they were dead, was just saying.
When a person experiences severe mental trauma most refuse to accept what they go through. Or subconsciously induce amnesia to forget.
Yeah I'm not sure which csi because there was three but I think it was the one with the short, thin, dark haired, young, white guy in charge.
Wasn't saying it was related just how similar. Yeah I knew they were dead, was just saying.
When a person experiences severe mental trauma most refuse to accept what they go through. Or subconsciously induce amnesia to forget.
Ah I see. I'm not quite sure where I hope to go with this piece. I was thinking of perhaps making it into a novel, but I'll need to do some more thinking about it before I start.