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139,638 Literary Works • 672,637 Reviews
This was really cute and I loved the sing song nature of it
There was only one line that bugged me:
.
A new morning's whisper stirs the broken,
they've all a chance to wonder.
But as the broken break further, This one right here didn't quite fit with the rhythm. I think it also has to do with the "broken break" thing.....It just feel off to me.
a dream is not a wish but a fantasy.
Those valiant rays whose eyes do settle
on one not so denatured with time.
Reveal the secrets without which,
we'd all be blind in ignorance.
The little being does wonder at a
plane full of so many of the broken.
And begs them to remember,
before it forgets.
Other than that this is perfect, and I'm not sure how to fix that one line :\. Really good job here
This is incredible.
This isn't going to be a constructive review because there's nothing I'd change about this piece. It's got a feeling about it that almost put me in a trance as I read it. Very few poems do that to me. I'm stunned.
The first two lines, quite frankly, are ingenius. I can almost imagine them being the beginning of a song. Going into the third and fourth lines, you didn't disappoint. In fact, the third and fourth lines are my favorite of the entire piece.
Awesome, awesome work. Always keep writing!!!
-Rose