IF

This seriously made me sad. You should be happy. You deserve to be happy!!! If you want you can ALWAYS message me!

Pretty deep poem.

Doesn't need of an introduction for a short review of sorts.

I don't feel like i'm the best to share my opinion on this especially because it doesn't really speak to me as it does to other people - possibly going through the same sort of thing.

I hope this isn't personal.

As the capitalisation thing seems to be very popular on this website, I would recommend switching all the 'I's to just i - it gives us a sense of flow as if this person just sat down and typed it all out - expressing vulnerability and negativity.

I would also just swap out the profanity because it gets rid of the unnecessary rating of the piece. I would instead swap it to 'Bloody', it isn't as bad as cursing in the piece, but in deeper meanings it also has a connection to previous lines. It depends if you want to get rid of miserable as well - but I do like the idea of double meanings or deeper context in poetry, even for all the depressing things.

PenmanshipPriority

This poem really speaks to me, as I’ve had the same thoughts or experience before. The poem really makes you think of what it takes to attain happiness. Not just short-lived bliss, but a lasting peace. Perhaps, we will all find our own answers someday. Until then, I’d like to say this is a pretty heavy, but beautiful poem. Keep up the good work! :>

hello Adrian here for a quick little review
your poem means a lot to me. i'm not saying that to just say that, i mean it. i feel it on so many levels and, as weird as this sounds, gave me a sense that i'm not alone. that there are so many people who feel similarly to how i do and that's such a strange and rare feeling for some people, especially myself, and you managed to bring that emotion out in me. so really, great job.
i guess maybe you want some actual input too grammar wise. all of the "if"'s need to be capitalized. then, and i'm not going to go too deep into this one as it may be a style preference, but the only form of punctuation that you used was in the first line, i feel like the punctuation either needs to not be there at all or consistent.
other wise i didn't find anything.
and before i go i'm just going to say that if you need someone to talk to, i'm always here.
i mean that okay.
stay safe
keep up the amazing work
and i look forward to seeing more from you in the future

p.s. i L O V E your profile picture

Hi! Space here.
I love the concept of this, it rises a lot of questions about what happiness truly is and what you must do to be happy.
Unfortunately, I relate to this, and I know how it feels. I think about it a lot.

I like the way you wrote it, simple but interesting. It's very straightforward yet it makes the reader think about it anyway.
I don't have really any suggestions to make this better, besides, a poem like this is usually written to express deeper feelings so it's not just about how good the poem is...if that makes sense.

I WOULD suggest maybe adding some more description or metaphors, telling the reader why you feel this way. But that's just a suggestion, and in this style of poem it's perfectly fine to write it without those things.

Great poem!

-Space

hi, whosabellcanwrite! shane here for a short review!

disclaimer: these are only suggestions. feel free to use them, or don't. I don't own you

now, on to the review!

first off, I feel like the question mark at the end of the first line isn't needed, because you continue to list the things that you need (or don't need) in order to be happy. maybe put the question mark after the "if" statements. that being said, in order for that to work, the last two lines would have to be reworded. while reading this I felt as if they were a little awkward anyway.

well, that's all! all in all, I enjoyed this poem. fabulous job!

Spoiler

are you okay? I'm a little concerned about the references towards self harm and suicide in this piece. if you need to talk, I am here; feel free to drop me a PM. <3

That's easy to answer. Of course you would be happy if these things are the cause of your unhappiness. You are the one most qualified to determine that-not us. Especially when we aren't provided with specifics. For example, why is the speaker weeping every day? Why is he or she cutting school? What prevents good grades? Why can't he see friends more regularly? Why can't he join a club? Why does he or she want commit suicide?

However, your expression of suicidal tendency will arouse concern among some readers. They might choose to recommend seeking professional attention. Sometimes that feeling of depression is caused by imbalances of neurotransmitters in the brain and can be very effectively treated via medication such as Zoloft.

Please note also that many readers will have trouble seeing this as poetry and not just a list of gripes since it lacks vivid imagery, rhyme, similes, metaphors, assonance, consonance. dramatic irony, personification, hyperbole, ad all other facets that separate prose from poetry. The use of foul language doesn't help. Also, obviously if one doesn't feel lousy one would feel another way.

blog/Radrook/poetry_misconception_b-64464.html
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oops I forgot @TheBlueCat

@Flumadiddle @SpaceSnickerdoodle