(WhosabellCanWrite's part)
why do I suddenly
feel like I am beautiful?
Is it because of you?
Your voice.
Your smile.
Your laugh.
You, girl, you special thing
You make my worn down body
feel like it's alive.
(woahhitherepal's part)
You made flowers grow in
My brain.
My lungs.
My veins.
Everywhere.
All this life took sprout,
Because of you.
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139,793 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hi Whosabell and Pal! Saru here for a hopefully helpful review!
I'm going to get constructive criticism out of the way first so we can get on with what was great about this.
@WhosabellCanWrite, your first section has an inconsistent capitalization scheme. You start with lowercase beginnings of sentences, and then return to normal grammar rules. It doesn't work right.
I feel like these should have question marks at the end, maybe to echo the "Is it because of you?"
Isn't the saying 'took root'?
And... that's it for constructive criticism! This was a really cool poem, and I'm super happy for you that you're going out with her!!
Keep writing!
~Saru
THANK YOU
Sup guys, Lake here, and omg, I just I don't know. This is just so awesome! I never realized how spiritual something could be! You guys made no grammar mistakes, and I think you should keep doing collabs! This was so good! Keep up the good-
*Pollution clamps hand over Lake's mouth*
Pollution: ShUT UP!!!!!!!!! No one likes it when you say that stupid line, it's not inspiring!
HEyyy I like that line!
THIS POEM I FUCKING CANT
Okay, so review time, then I get to rant again! First things first, who is this about? I am ever so curious. Secondly, YOU GUYS COLLAB WOOOOO! It is such a fantastic poem I can't even with it right now. Like, seriously, its beautifully written and you guys just seem know.
No grammar mistakes from what I could tell, so thats great! Also, my favorite line, well, lines, would have to be "You made flowers grow in, My brain. My lungs. My veins." This really just brings the whole thing together. Makes the poem what it is.
No need for an explanation. I know what this means. Rather blatant.
So, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GRIM SAYS HI!
GO TO THE WFP AND YOU WILL FIND OUT HEHEHE
AND IZBELL SAYS HI TO GRIMMMMM
AYEEEEEEEEE thanks pal
I find it funny that you only liked Plas parts lol
Pals*
@whoahhitherepal
I really like it.
Well thank ya! I seriously like this girl I wrote about XD
@Flumadiddle @TheBlueCat @DemonGoddess @SpaceSnickerdoodle
HEYO
HEYO DO YOU LIKE??