This aint ever easy
But baby I can't fix the bad
But I can mend the broken
And control the chaos
So take me, sad or happy
feel the beat of my heart
and know that each emotion
is meant just for you
the happy
the sad
the love
it's all yours.
Just, I'd prefer you don't leave.
The people think it might be best,
The little thoughts inside our heads.
It means more then world,
More then you shall ever know.
I love you
The italicized is Whosabell
The bold is Pal
The crossed out is EE
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
This poem was amazing. It shows your love for someone is true. I love it.
Good day!
I do like the feelings conveyed in your poem; It is dramatic, just as you classified. I've relate to this many times for I really do see the beauty in loving and the anxiety of leaving. You portrayed such intriguing adoration to the person you are trying to reach out; it was indeed an immense and a committed depiction of love.
I would just like to note out that the bold part was quite redundant to the "So take me, sad or happy" and I suggest some separation to your stanzas (3 perhaps)
Nonetheless, you have evident emotions in your poem, beautiful and endearing.
Good luck in your next one!
Hey @WhosabellCanWrite, @Flumadiddle, and @woahhitherepal! I'll be reviewing your poem today.
I found several things that could be improved and edited, so I may be particular. First things first, if you just skim your eyes over this poem, it kind of is all over the place. The formatting by itself is wild. I was hoping to suggest an alternative for the formatting used to separate each writer, but I honestly can only think of one other option which is to separate them into stanzas. Stanzas are nice to section of ideas or concepts in one poem, so that could be helpful in multiple areas. I just think it is a better solution rather than what you have now.
Immediately when I read the title, Control the Chaos, I was intrigued. But when I read the poem itself it didn’t really reflect on the title, which was sort of a let down. The only similarity was the use of these words in one line of the poem. I think the title should represent the poem’s theme and general message. “Control the Chaos” doesn’t seem to, and I was hoping for more of that in the poem, which is why I was a little disappointed.
I’m not a fan of the wording here, and it might even be smoother and flow better if this line were something more like “I’d just prefer you don’t leave.” because the “just” with the comma creates a pause in the line which isn’t needed, especially because there isn’t much to emphasize.
Ah! You have so much potential to increase imagery and figurative language! I want to know who “the people” are, just everyone else? This, wasn’t that specific.
In general, this poem was quite vague and nothing was really amazing about it. Nothing popped out to me and I think part of the issue was the topic you are writing about. It is such a common topic -- love. It’s a passionate topic, too, but if I were to compare this to other poems, I’d say I’ve seen better.
Because the concept of love that is within this poem is hackneyed, it honestly is a little cliche. With adding new ideas and writing, this has lots of potential and I’m sure many people can relate to it or so desperately want the feeling of love. This poem felt like it was touching the rim of a theme, but it didn’t quite immerse completely to its full potential. I feel like you could dig deeper.
Let’s talk about the ending. I think the last line was too generic. It’s a fitting line for the poem, just not for the ending. I would add on some places like the ending and enhance the overall poem with figurative language, as I said before. Dive into the relationship between the speaker and lover, and the speaker with “the people”. There are potential connections that haven’t been completely sealed. I want to dive into these thoughts with empathy, and I think the first step is adding lines that improve the meaning of the poem.
I hope this review helped you guys out! Keep writing and if you have any questions feel free to ask me.
Thank you! This review was very helpful!
Your welcome! I'm glad.
Thanks for sharing this poem that expresses your amorous devotion. It was fun to read, had a nice beat and I liked the rhyme.
The speaker mentions chaos and sadness and the broken. but we aren't told exactly what all these are referring to. Because of this, of course, as a reader I couldn't become emotionally involved via feeling approval or disapproval of whoever might be responsibly for the chaos, sadness. Neither could I praise the person who is promising to continue to seek contact with the other because I don't know if he is responsible for the chaos, sadness that are mentioned. as a reader I could enjoy the poetic beat and word play. So since that is all that the poem attempting to do-to entertain via word play, it can be considered successful within those parameters.
Suggestion
The words that are struck out with a line are distracting and give the poem an ugly look on the page. Totally deleting them is better.
Thats to differ from the other writers words
@mmebatman112
This is for you
thanks baby i love you
I love you too <3
YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY AH
same baby