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129,077 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
Becker furrows his brow and begrudgingly moves to the desk[s] and[/s], pulling out a chair.
Luke grabs the backpack about to fall off James' shoulder and sets it down before peering out the door to his car.
Brilliant! At first, I disliked Ann and Jeremy for convincing that guy to take James' offer away but then, the main reason James left was Mandy and now that it's clear she only got back with him after intercepting that letter... yeah, all's good.
Lena's parents are brilliant! Her mother is great and I loved the part with the cat, really wasn't expecting that.
The lunch scene was probably my favourite and I agree that this had some of the best one liners. Awesome work!
YWS decided to die, just as I wrote a comment for this. So, five million days later, I'm commenting! Yay!
This is cool. I loved it and it was funny and ZOMG, I wish my breasts could kill people too. With that said, you must write more. Like... immediately.
*scurries off*
Lena's parents are so awesome! I loved how she slapped the kiity. I kept imagining that scene over and over. Besides them, I don't know what to say. There were so many good things that I want to note but I don't want to just copy and paste you're entire post... Anyways. Ann is getting really cool...she reminds me of a Ariel/Sarah person. And I can't believe the man was about to slap her. I would have hurt someone. And Jeremy! Him and Ann are looking really nice together but I feel like he's sort of out of control and that seems off to me a little. I don't know, maybe I'm looking at the Ariel/Sarah view too closely. And Sunshine and Alex! Eww, they need to stop making out in front of people. Also! In the beginning, that was funny when they were all getting high and Lena looks down at her boobs and says why can't you do that? I was cracking up. And then! James is back! Yay! I love him and hate Mandy. But I love how Ann and Mandy act around each other because Ann was just all cool and slightly annoyed.
Okay. I'm done and awaiting the next! Loved it!
~Rieda
I likes! Yay! James is back!
"I can has cheeseburger, please?" - can I put that in my sig? I love that line... I can so picture Luke with a his bottom lip sticking out in a pout and big round eyes staring at James, forced tears just brimming, as he says. Lovely.
~Rea
XD The entire first scene had me laughing. If nothing else, these stories have taught me how to laugh without voice to avoid waking every one and every thing in the house. Poor Spanky... *shakes head* XD, that's just...
Taco Bell? Oh jeeze... those poor characters...
XD
Oh wow. That had me in pain. XD I'm still laughing at it.
Sunshine rules.
Haha! Poor Luke... XD
Okay, motives aside, Ann rules. Cool character. I'd hate to ever meet her, because she'd probably get whatever she wanted from me, and then some, regardless of whether I planned on letting her take it or not. But she's still a cool character.
Agreed. Glad someone finally said it...
And Alex is still a jerk, but a funny jerk.
Aw.
And haha.... lolcats version of him cam to mind.
XD. I'm critting as I go, so that was perfect.
Lena's parents -- haha, they're going to make things even more fun around here, I can tell.
James -- About time he's back! What ever happened to his girlfriend, though? It bothers me that she just disappeared... It makes me wonder if she's just lurking around the corner, ready to pop up and snatch James again. Tell me what happened to her so my mind can be at ease. Please.
Didn't find any errors or funky-sounding sentences, only some pretty funny stuff. The TV scene was the best. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. And of course I had to read it, like, ten times...
This was the best yet, I think.
I second that.
The one thing that bugged me a little was the vulgarity, and I'll tell you why--Mrs. Crochet is okay, because that has the potential to be really funny if you develop her personality as "sort of normal housewife" from early on. Then, when she has that whispered "bitch" line, it's a lot more shocking and funny.
In Mr. Becker, on the other hand, it sounded forced. It's perfectly fine to have a character who doesn't swear. Especially in the (in my mind) clean-cut business executive, it seems put in merely to up Cool Factor, which...doesn't really work with him, considering he's the guy that Ann is tugging around.
But, yes. The one-liners in this one were fabulous.
This has the best one-liners of all of them so far, so is probably my favourite.
Squee!
Awesome, as always, my dear Minx. Mrs. Crotchet is life! My life! The life! She's my mother with vulgarity, it's amazing! *sigh with contentment*
Also. Lena makes my life. I think together they are my life, just with more swearing - on the mother's part, I swear like a sailor when I wanna - Anyway!
Fav lines:
LENA
Why can't you do that!?
MRS. CROCHET
Mhm, well, I'd hit it.
ANN
If you came as fast as your brother, we would have made it on time.
MRS. CROCHET
Well! That was splendidly awkward.
MRS. CROCHET
Ahem. They aren't love handles when nobody loves you, dear.
----
You win at life. ^^
...
I want more. =If you couldn't tell. ^^
Can't wait til the next.
*Hearts* Le Penguin.