I want something I cannot have,
Your bright eyes and tightly wound curls.
The way you smile and the way you laugh.
When my body quakes with sorrow and you hold me,
I wish that you could be mine.
Your strong hands and tender voice reassure me
And let me know that I matter.
I crave you with the very depths of me,
Longing to claim you as my own.
But I can’t.
You don’t belong to me and never will.
I want something I cannot have,
A mother.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
I love this poem because it is just full of emotion. It's also relatable to readers who've lost a loved one or who have lived their lives without one, which makes it more touching to the reader and in turn, makes them like it even more. Also, I like how you repeated the line "I want something I cannot have" in the beginning and the end because it is an effective way of communicating your main idea. All in all, I truly believe that this was a very successful poem, and I look forward to reading some of your future works.
Thank you! I love your avatar by the way!
Thanks(:
I just say that you're new so welcome!
Aww thanks
WOW! this was a really RALLY good poem!
Hi their this is @Ace101 to review your work
like I said this was an amazing poem I enjoyed reading it a lot!
I don't really have any thing to say really as fare as grammatical mistakes because Lily708 already named them so great work and I would love to read more of your work if you don't mind linking them to me
so have an awesome day and keep writing!
Ace101 out!
*really
Thank you
haha sorry about the whole *really* thing, I got too exited
shore!
Hey,Buddy!!!..
A really touching poem...dude you got me goosebumps!!!!:( Just wish nobody has to go through such things...^ ^
"I want something I cannot have,
Your bright eyes and tightly wound curls"
This part's perfect.
"The way you smile and the way you laugh.
When my body quakes with sorrow and you hold me,
I wish that you could be mine."
The sentence 'the way you smile and the way you laugh' gives a feeling that there's something after that...like eg.'the way you smile and the way you laugh,completes my other half'. But since that sentence here means that it's something you crave for but cannot have and is the continuation of the first sentence ..I think omitting the descriptive words'the way' will help that line sound better.You can rewrite it like..
"..Your captivating smile and echoing laughter.
When my body quakes with sorrow you hold me like thine,
I wish that you could be mine."
"Your strong hands and tender voice reassure me
And let me know that I matter.
I crave you with the very depths of me,
Longing to claim you as my own.
But I can’t.
You don’t belong to me and never will.
I want something I cannot have,
A mother. "
This part looks awesome on its own.
I hope my review was helpful.
Loved your work..eager for others too.
- Your's Lily^_^
Thanks buddy.
Anytime..
Hello Iamawriter,
In your poem, assume you are talking about someone who lost their mother, or an orphan. I also liked the way the poem built up to a 'climax' and broke off at "But I can't."
But
feels off. I know it's difficult to craft lines in poetry!
And instead of saying how much the narrator wants a mother, you could use some imagery to show how much they want it. Imagery is a very powerful tool when writing poetry, after all.
But overall, the message you conveyed about the desire for a mother was very powerful, and this was a poem so full of feelings. I hope you will keep writing poetry, Iama.
From Princess Ink
Thank you!