As the cool rain drops
You put sunshine in my soul
And I can breathe again
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140,440 Literary Works • 673,189 Reviews
Hi!
This is a really nice short piece. I like the overall theme of a god being the reason you keep living your days. The only thing I have to critic is that there is no imagery. It can be hard to fit in when you're writing with such little space, but I really think that the best haiku's are the ones that make you feel something deep inside of you, through words that provoke emotion. You have a limited and basic amount of that, with the whole weather theme, but I think you'd benefit by changing one of the lines to something a bit deeper. Keep up the good work!
-E
This is Nikayla here dropping in for a quick review!
So this haiku, from what I can tell, is more rooted in imagery than it is a central theme. Sure, we've got the title of the poem that correlates with the last line of this haiku, but there's no particular central idea here. I'm not saying this is a negative aspect of the poem, either, since it's more open and focused on nature, as a haiku should be.
The imagery with the cool raindrops (yes, that's one word) and the sunshine in the speaker's soul is interesting, though I have found a couple of faults that somewhat relate to all of this. Each line is very individual and has a hard time connecting with the other in haiku.
There's a strained flow here, seeing that they don't connect easily. Another aspect of the poem I wanted to question is who 'you' is, especially in relation to the speaker. We don't know who the speaker is and we don't have time to develop 'you' as another person in the poem since we've barely established the speaker themselves.
I like the idea or concept that this poem takes on, though I'm in the belief that your main focus should be strengthening your images if you're going to edit or experiment with this--I think you should! Overall, while the lines don't connect well making for a choppy flow and the problem of the reader not knowing who 'you' is because of the short length of the poem since it's a haiku, I see potential here for this to be stronger.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.