Tree Be;
Make me, break me,
Impale me upon a tree.
Then let me fall back down—
Lusty, dusty—
Back upon the ground.
For, my dear, the tree be
More than words themselves.
You should know this by now,
You're a big enough boy.
Take your musty hands
And toss me up,
So that my heels click air.
I want nothing more.
Silence the wind with your
Pounding clod-feet.
You're so much the better
When you're clearly awake.
Art thou watching me?
Don't let your milky eyes roam,
I have things for you to do.
Heft me, dolly, do,
And see what I can do.
I spin and twirl and swing
From cloud to shaft,
Brought about by smiles.
Yes, baby boy,
I'm all smiles these days.
I'm wrapped up in them,
I sprout from them.
That's it—lift me,
Let my lips kiss carbon,
Let my breath draw near,
Let me touch the stars.
Dally-do, oh how I love you.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
*Claps*
I liked this one... I really did.
It's probably my most absolute favorite for you.
I have nothing bad to say about it.
Good job, chap, good job.
Hello my Radish! Lily here to repay the reviews I owe you!
Something about this sounds, uncomfortable, due, at least to my eyes, the second line here. “Pounding clod-feet” just doesn’t make much sense nor does it spark much of an image for me. It doesn’t even make much sense. :S
Woo! Flash to the past! But probably an unnecessary flash. Just saying: “Are you watching me?” can have just as much impact; if you ask me, it has more.
Do, do, doooo! It’s very repetitive and I think you can be more creative than that.
But, those little things aside, I think that you evoke some tempting, beautiful imagery. Tempting is an odd adjective to use here…hmm. Anyways, I really liked reading this!
~lilymoore
I absolutely love this poem. I love it so much.
Well thank you! And, by the way, that sentence made total sense.
Actually, most of my poetry is based off dreams I've had over the years. I had this really surreal one about flying... And this came about from it. Ha ha, I can't say much else about it--my inspiration just comes out of nowhere, it's crazy...
So, thanks again! It's always wonderful to get a nice word about a work here and there.
(And I'll check it out, although I don't usually go for romance, I'll go for it. And if you ever want me to review something, don't hesitate to ask!)
~Horseradish
I have to say that I absolutely love this poem. The title is griping in that it's so vague yet interesting because it doesn't really make sense (I hope that sentence made sense...)
And I'm really curious, what inspired you to write this?
I could be wrong but to me is seems to be somewhat morbid or sorrowful.
And it was beautifully and cleverly written. I'm a big fan ^_^
(ps. If you are willing to read the first chapter of a Romance short story, check out Rstegs15's story, My Falling Sun. She would really appreciate some reviews)