Echo’s Reflection

Hi there Horisun! Lim here with a review.

This was an interesting take on the Echo and Narcissus myth! I initially interpreted this poem as telling the tale of a toxic romantic relationship that comes to an end. (I think the first two lines had a big influence on that.) The ‘Narcissus’ of the story seems to be filled with indignation that their partner won’t look at them/ appreciate their physical appearance enough and decides that this is enough to make them end the relationship.

I saw everything to like;
Her eyes; my mouth; her nose,
Top of my head, to her very toes.

What’s interesting is that ‘Narcissus’ then sees both themself and ‘Echo’ in the mirror? I wonder if this is them saying they *both* look good together and Echo can’t see that? Or another interpretation could be that ‘Narcissus’ and ‘Echo’ are two parts of the same person, and this is them struggling over whether they like or dislike their appearance, which is also a really interesting take - and I think that this second interpretation is probably what you were going for because of the blending of the “she” and the “me” from the third stanza onwards.

I got the sense that ‘Narcissus’ has been stewing over the topic for some time - I was more inclined to sympathise with ‘Echo’ just because I know what happens in the original myth, but the portrayal of ‘Narcissus’ feelings of shame in response to the perceived rejection is really fascinating, and similarly for the more positive slant on ‘Narcissus’ choosing to focus on their own reflection in the end. (And this being told from ‘Narcissus’s’ perspective, ‘Echo’ obviously doesn’t get much focus haha)

Something I like about your writing here was how you balanced the rhyming lines with the non-rhyming lines. I felt like they fit together pretty well and the rhymes were in the right places, for example:

It broke my heart because
I had loved that view more
Than any I’d seen before.

Here the rhyme sets apart the reason ‘Narcissus’’ heart was broken, emphasising it so the speaker’s indignation and sadness is conveyed.

So I nudged her away,
Got dressed for the day,

Here the rhyming lines ‘match’ because they’re both showing ‘Narcissus’ moving away from ‘Echo’ and *doing* things - so the form matches the meaning.

Something to think about might be the rhythm in these lines:

Blind’s drawn, light’s off, door locked,
She liked me with her eyes shut.

It stood out a bit from the rest of the poem, and the first line in particular didn’t quite draw me in at first. The first line feels like they’re all stressed syllables, which makes it effortful to read and makes the line feel very staccato, if that makes sense. I feel that staccato rhythm also carries over to the second line (“eyes shut” - also two stressed syllables in a row). I was wondering if that was intentional, maybe to make it sound kind of suffocating or entrapping, and so convey the speaker’s feelings?

Another thing I like about this poem is the complexity in tone. I like how it doesn’t really *tell* us how to interpret or evaluate either the speaker or ‘Echo’, but there are all these undercurrents of - maybe ‘Narcissus’s self-appreciation is more benign here, and ‘Echo’ is holding them both back (especially since their features blend together in the reflection Narcissus praises), or maybe ‘Narcissus’ is spinning things in their own head. I think that’s what grabbed my attention and made me re-read the piece multiple times.

Overall, I enjoyed thinking through this piece and I really like how you’ve repurposed the Narcissus and Echo myth.

Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim

Hey there, Horisun!

Q here to review your poem today.

I want to start off by saying I was slightly confused as to the number of people interacting in this poem. My interpretation is that there's the narrator, the narrator's reflection, and also the narrator's significant other, but I did get a little turned around by the different "she"s, so my apologies if I read it wrong!

Blind’s drawn, light’s off, door locked,
She liked me with her eyes shut.
It broke my heart because
I had loved that view more
Than any I’d seen before.

I like the way you set the scene in these first two lines -- the imagery is really good! I've been roommates with people who like the blinds shut and I do NOT like the feeling. XD I think on my first read-through, I read it more literally, with the beloved "view" being outside of the window, but after the view in the mirror in the ending, I'm thinking it's the narrator's view of themself.

Really interesting that there's someone who seems to only love them without looking at them! So they're really not being seen, literally and metaphorically.

In my sinking stomach,
Shame curdled like spoiled milk.
My face burned, my chest ached,
So I nudged her away,
Got dressed for the day,

Great imagery about the shame here. I can absolutely envision this person turning away and the strength of that emotion!

Also this is the first time I caught wind of your rhyming couplets at the end of the stanzas -- I think it's a nice touch because it's kind of subtle and doesn't seem forced.

And looked in the mirror,
With the lights bright as the sun.
She, (the “me” in the glass,)
Cried crocodile tears,
Her cheeks streaked with snot-smears.

I think this is the point when I got confused at the two different "she"s, because in the first two stanzas I definitely thought there was a different person, a lover, who shuts the narrator out. And getting here and finding out that "she" is "the 'me' in the glass" made me confused -- was the initially she also just the reflection somehow? XD

I think it makes more sense as sort of three parties, as I mentioned at first, but I'm not 100% sure about that!

I also wonder if there's a different way to show the person in the mirror? I appreciated the clarity of directly stating "the 'me' in the glass," but I wonder if there's a less direct/more poetic way to say it? The interjection didn't quite fit with the rest of the tone.

Sorry I don't have any really good ideas about how to do that! Up to you if you think it's even necessary.

Also love the crocodile tears bit!

My face has haunted her
Like a mask she can’t peel off.
Her body taunted me
Like a reviled enemy.
But,

The me/she still throws me off a bit here -- the narrator enjoys the "view" of herself, right? Because I read this as difficulties with body image and not feeling like you fit in your own skin, which is fantastic. But then I wondered if it's actually the other person in the relationship who doesn't like the narrator's body?? So maybe I'm a little lost. >.<

Either way, I do think the emotions are handled really nicely here! It's interesting that you break the rhyme scheme here, and I think it goes along well with how this stanza acts as a turning point.

Rage replaced repulsion.
Because in my reflection,
I saw everything to like;
Her eyes; my mouth; her nose,
Top of my head, to her very toes.

Yeah! Go narrator! I love how these lines hit: "Because in my reflection, / I saw everything to like;" -- it's just nice and powerful!

Here, I'm reading the my/her as the self and mirror-self. Could be interesting to maybe use "we" towards the end to show that her self is united? That's the sort of feeling I get.

It's a really nice message though that there's nothing not to love.

So, I swiped away her tears,
Brushed my hair and washed my face,
Told the girl in bed
“We’re through.” Turned toward the mirror,
And enjoyed the view.

Really neat ending, too! I love the transformation. This was what sold me on there definitely being another person, because there's someone in the bed being told to leave. But! I could also see it as the narrator just telling her self-loathing to get out (kinda like Gollum/Smeagol style). So I sort of like that it's up to interpretation.

I think you really nailed a lot of the imagery in your poem, and I also think that the structure of the poem as a whole is really well done. Your rhyming is subtle and strategic, and I think there's also a really nice layout in the way you set the scene, tell the story, and then have this turning point, transformation, and conclusion. <3 Very solid!

The only thing that's getting me, as I'm sure you can tell, is the me/she situation and the number of people involved. XD Some ambiguity is definitely a good thing, but any additional imagery that could help clarify what's going on might help! That way the focus can be more on what's actually going on.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this! I'm glad the ending is as firm as it is, it seems really motivational.

Let me know if you have any questions, and have a nice day!

-Q