Published December 28, 2024
For two days Henrietta languished in the county cell, her small heart breaking in two. She missed her warm nest, and having a full belly, and the farmgirl Claude, who gave her head scratches, who she loved. She wept in the corner, and neglected her feathers, until they were encrusted with dirt and grime.
The prison was dark and gray, with no light except for the flicker of a torch on the far side of the room. A man stood guard there, dull-eyed and slack-jawed, the initial novelty of imprisoning a chicken long ago dropping off into the pits of boredom. His heavy armor thunked and rattled, not half as comforting as the rustle of another hens feathers.
The fire died and the man began to doze off, when the door at the top of the steps flew open. He startled awake, and called, “Who goes there?”
A woman approached the peripheral of Henrietta’s cell. Curly brown, feather-soft hair cascaded down her shoulders and concealed her face. “Bernadette Boss. Henrietta’s lawyer.” She brandished an official looking scroll in the direction of the guard, and said, “This chicken is to be released into the care of Claudia Huber. Effective immediately.”
The guard took the scroll from Bernadette’s hands and unraveled it, new interest sparking in his eyes. He chuckled, and asked, “How’d you sell the Magistrate on this?”
“The constable is unfit to care for a chicken. If they want her to live long enough to be put on trial, an actual farmer would be better suited to the task.”
“I think you might be right about that. Didn’t think she’d last much longer in here.” The guard retrieved the keys from his belt and unlatched the door. Bernadette swung it open and stepped inside. She had a long face, not much younger than Claude’s, with lips pulled into a scheming smile.
“Hello, Ms. Henrietta. I understand you’ve found yourself in some hot water: don’t worry, I’ve got one heck of a defense that’s sure to save you from becoming stew.”
The guard cackled. “I don’t think she understands you.”
Bernadette turned to face the guard, glee gleaming, bright as a beacon, in her black-as-night eyes. “I always treat my clients with respect, sir. Be them thieves, murderers, chickens, witches… all have the right to dignity. And anyone can plainly see, dear Henrietta has been denied that here.”
The guard crossed his arms. “Well. I heard she went and got herself possessed by the Devil.”
“An excellent theory,” agreed Bernadette. “But aren’t we all, at many points, tempted by the Devil? How can we blame an animal, who lacks all human intellect, if she succumbed to his whims?”
“Bah!” Cried the guard, “Take your chicken, and save it for the court!”
-
“Bok bok,” Henrietta told Bernadette, as they wounded down Evergreen Grove, in an ostentatious wagon thrice the size of the coop.
Bernadette, who thought the chicken was thanking her for the timely rescue, said, “Anytime, Henrietta. Just doing my job.”
Henrietta repeated herself, “Bok bok!” But to no avail; Bernadette did not speak chicken, and thus did not understand that what Henrietta was really saying best translated to, Please, please, please take me home!
“Right here, thanks,” Bernadette said to the driver. She stepped from the wagon, Henrietta all jammed-up under her armpit. She flailed desperately against her sweaty prison, spitting-mad as a caged tiger- but exhaustion caught up to her quick, and she sagged against Bernadette’s side. If she could’ve wept as humans can, fat wads of hot tears would flood the forest, drown the world, and extinguish the sun.
They came upon the door of a shabby cabin, bigger than the wagon they’d left, but marginally so. It was slantwise, sagging into the marshy forest floor. It smelled like the coop, home.
Bernadette rapped on the door. Henrietta knew, a second before it opened, who was on the other side. Her head rose, and she clucked enthusiastically.
“Ms. Huber. Your chicken,” said Bernadette, proudly extending Henrietta to Claude like an award.
Claude beamed a beam so big, it broke her freckled face into two. “You did it!” she cried, rescuing Henrietta from Bernadette’s clumsy hands.
“Bok bok,” Henrietta tearfully intoned, remorseful for how their last interaction had gone.
“It was easy as chicken potpie,” said Bernadette with a conspicuous wink. “The hard part begins now.”
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138,347 Literary Works • 672,106 Reviews
Dice called for the second chapter of this immediately so let’s do this :3
So headpats are a no go but head scritchies are ok for Henrietta, gotcha.
Also they actually jailed her for the crime of housing a snake (egg)? Raue Sitten over there!
“ the initial novelty of imprisoning a chicken long ago dropping off into the pits of boredom.” I love what this sentence says xd Just… Yes, we did imprison a chicken and no, it’s not interesting after all XD
The apostrophe troubles continue btw 😊
Oh finally! So they got the chicken because they thought she laid a snake egg! I really like that bit of logic! And now… poor snake, probably lost her last egg then too
Aww what a poor poor chicken. But I got hopeful alongside her. And wow! Good thing you dropped the farmgirl’s name earlier in the chapter so it pays off here 😊 I also like that Henrietta is remorseful over trying to prevent Claude from checking her nest last time.
And like last chapter, the last line really sets up the intrigue for the next chapter. How is Ms Legal Eagle (no relation to the awesome youtuber I guess? =D) gonna proof that our main chicken wasn’t possessed by the devil and/or is innocent???
Thank you so much for the review! I didn't even make the connection to Legal Eagle, the Youtuber, but I do really enjoy some of his videos, lol
I will read the entire story, dw XD If you have anything else you'd like me to read let me know.
And I think I see what you mean abt Legal Eagle. I watch their videos also only on occasion
Hi Horisun! I've returned to read the next chapter. Let's get into it:
We start off inside the jail cell where poor Henrietta is staying in. I am a little confused about why this happened. What exactly is she accused of? Why would the guard believe that she was possessed by the "Devil"? I know there is a plot-specific reason that the snake can speak, so do the characters believe snakes are malevolent/supernatural creatures?
I think you need to focus on laying the groundwork and explain the rules for the world a little more. You don't have to give a huge exposition about the worldbuilding but give us little bits and pieces about their society whenever a plot point comes up.
Bernadette's character is a great example of this. She is introduced as a no-nonsense lawyer with aces up her sleeves. She also thinks very highly of herself as noted when she thinks Henrietta is thanking her when she was just scared. Also, her comparing it to being easy as chicken potpie was so meanspirited, it was hilarious. You don't need to explain everything to the readers but give them enough info that they can work out the inferences.
As always, your imagery is super strong, and the characters are all fun! I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.
Waaaaaait. What? I am so confused right now. XD Chickens have lawyers? That are happy to vouch for them, but not speak their language? And we're now in a fantasy land? And also, chickens are imprisoned in what seems to be a prison guarded by humans? This is a bit of a shock!
Also, what happened to the snake? Did the snake also get in trouble, or is Henrietta the only one who is in trouble? Also, was the egg destroyed? What happppened!!! You can't just thrust us into emotional turmoil about this and then leave us hanging!
Also, it seems odd that Henrietta is all sad about leaving the farmgirl? I mean, she just attacked the farmgirl! Like, she decided that this egg was worth attacking her beloved farmgirl! Is she filled with regret by this? Does she hate the snake for what has happened? Like, she's sad, but I want more internal chicken angst, darn it!
Also, I'm not quite sure why the constable was brought into this in the first place? Like, you set up this whole dramatic cliffhanger about going to the constable, and it didn't really seem to go anywhere. One thing that you might consider doing is decide that cliffhangers need to have consequences that not only impact the characters but have dramatic effects! So if the constable gets involved now, this means the constable has to have meaning!
And... why did the farmer fight so much for Henrietta? I don't understand. Like, Henrietta wasn't laying eggs. She deliberately tried to help a snake lay her eggs. Why does the farmer now accept her without any problem??? I know there's a cliffhanger about the hard part coming up, but it's not exactly clear what that might entail because it's not really clear what the rules are for this story.
In fact... I think the biggest thing is that you need to set up your world a bit more and lay the ground rules a bit BEFORE you thrust us into the conflict. That way, we have a better sense of what is "normal" for this world and what the rules that govern it before everything goes crazy. Like, what is the relationship between the chicken and the farmer? Are chickens really subject to human rules and governance? These sorts of things might be good to know before Henrietta makes big mistakes that cause her to fall from grace!
Anyway, it is an intriguing concept! If there were more chapters, I would likely read them. But alas! There aren't.
If you post anything else, let me know! It's very original and, what can I say? I like original stories involving crazy birds.
Really good point about laying the groundwork for this world! I've got so much information about motivations and rules in my brain that I sometimes forget what I have and haven't told the reader yet, lol! I'll definitely consider that in upcoming chapters. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!
I have returned to read the next chapter. I've enjoyed following this!
Bernadette is a scene-stealer. Her dramatic entrance, clever dialogue, and unwavering respect for her “client” make her immediately likable. I think she's a great compromise from Henrietta's character. Her blend of competence and sly humour is great, and her staunch defense of dignity adds unexpected gravity to the proceeding part of the chapter. Your ability to write characters is truly motivational!
Though, Henrietta's character is still wonderful. The choice to portray her emotions and thoughts so vividly really improve the narrative. Her heartbreak in the cell and her desperation to return to Claude are deeply felt, and that humanizes her in a way that feels both tender and absurd. Without the details surrounding the dynamics between everyone, this would fall flat.
I forget they're chickens along the way, though. Isn't that the point? I am not a chicken, so I can't personally fathom their ways of thinking.
Leaning more into their unique sensory experiences or chicken-logic interpretations of the human world could keep this fresh. I think the motivations here feel somewhat unclear. Is Bernadette a wandering do-gooder, or does she have a personal stake in Henrietta’s case? How does Henrietta herself feel about all of this? You write these characters very well, but I can't get a look into their minds.
The balance of absurdity and emotional resonance remains one of the greatest strengths here! However, I imagine you can pack on more of that charm. I am looking forward to reading the next chapters, especially if they're like this.
All the best!
Thank you so much for the reviews!
Hello! I have come across an amazing piece of work! wowow, never have I been so invested in the story of chickens in my life. Anyways, let's dive in to this review shall we? (btw, i did read both chapter 1 and 2 so this will be a semi-mixed review of the overall story here so far rather than purely this chapter alone)
First Impressions
Oh wow, at first, I was very skeptical of how fun this story would be, but you definitely delivered with this! The story itself is incredibly well written, so many descriptive and euphemistic phrases allow the reader to paint a really clear and vivid picture while progressing through. The idea of a chicken facing the justice system as she gets convicted of a crime is absurd enough to be totally unrealistic, but interesting enough of a premise to hook readers.
For the Story
I really enjoy the slow and farm-life opening, allowing us to sink into and experience a bit of this world before getting straight into the plot. The pacing so far is really good (although it's just 2 chapters so far) and I can definitely see a lot of interesting things up ahead.
Also, the premise itself is funny enough, but there were certain lines that I actually laughed to myself at while reading.
Particularly this one, the irony of this sentence is just pure literary masterpiece.
Also, I know how hard it is, especially in fantasy stories, to try and show and not tell (basically, don't explain every single concept that comes out every other paragraph), but you did a really good job at that, where not too much is told but we are still shown it.
All in All
Great job. Chicken/10 for the writing, plot, and synopsis of this.
Thank you for the review!