The TV dies
with the lightbulbs
The weatherman ends
his prophecy
Matches flick—candlelit
halos on stern faces
Doors are marked
with drizzle
A hallowed supper
then fervent prayer
Midnight voices
turn to static
The windows wail
a chilling cry—
The angel of death
arrives
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hi haraya, haven't seen any of your works before, oops now I remember you. I am here after seeing this one in green room and actually found time to review it :>. Here I go
I am a huge fan of this kind of poetry with abrupt line breaks, imagery both random and meaningful, no actual goal to achieve in the poem, just letting one go with the words and enjoy the journey. Your description mentioned an exam and poetry as a way to calm yourself so I guess this is what you did here. Certainly not a perfect poem but a really good one.
I believe you had a vague idea in mind of what to do and included stuff you saw around you. In terms of mood and atmosphere overall you managed to convey a really cool, spooky-ish atmosphere. Words such as stern, prayer, static and cry are perfect in their spots and work wonders in the flow of the poem. You have other images in the poem that are pretty good: marked doors, prophetic weathermen, dying TV's.
However, even if this isn't one of the poems that do the stuff like other poems do and make everything clear and straight across, I can't really enjoy how intricate some images are made and how basic and blunt other images are. Like take for example "The windows wail/ a chillin cry" and next you have the really simple "doors are marked/ with drizzle". To keep it in theme I would do something like ''doors are marked/ moon's tears-dripping" or something like that.
Great poem nevertheless, loved reviewing it. Good luck in your future writings!
Hello! Thank you for the review! I agree, some details are lacking. I've been trying to make images that allude to the Passover. I think if I edit this in the future, I'll add more specific details. Thank you again!
Hey there, mordax here with a review!
So the title, Passover, as I know is a Jewish holiday (I think?) but I am not well educated on it and thus what your poem may be about. So instead, I will focus on your imagery, word choice, and flow.
That being said, all of those things are amazing! I particularly love the line:
The rhyme and flow of this line is super clever and rolls off the tongue beautifully.
I also love how you described the weatherman's forecast as a prophecy, which is so beautiful and kind of funny in that way that exaggerated descriptions can be.
The imagery you incorporate into this poem is marvelous. It feels like this build-up before the scary scene in a horror movie. The darkening of the room, the night and the rain, the fervent prayer, the hope, the apprehension, and finally the wind which is described in this foreboding way. What I love even more about this is that you never erupt from this build-up, rather it ends unresolved. It creates this really interesting affect.
The only possibly critique I have is the line:
The word "outside" here just felt out of place. It didn't flow as well as the other lines and I stuttered over it in my internal reading voice. Perhaps "beyond" instead?
Overall, I loved this poem!! Wonderful job!
mordax
Ooh, that line does stand out. Thank you so much! Will definitely revise this further!