Dreamy
towers blurred behind
The shuddering
car cradling my mind
When starlight eroded from the firmament
Gathered in lamp posts along the pavement.
One by
one, nebulas blossomed
As meteors
revved and comets caromed
Blaring
past me in cosmic cacophony
Across
the traffic of this bleary city.
I traversed
through this milky way
Like
debris out of orbit, gone astray
Until I
swerved, pulled by gravity
And there
was Earth in my trajectory.
I
blazed to life and in a massive explosion
Body
upon body engaged in collision—
There, miles
away, a pale observer’s face
Grinning as she
marveled the chaos of outer space.
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139,507 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I love this poem. I like the flow of ideas and the imagery. Just by reading this I feel like I am there. I love the rhyming scheme and the words that you use are so descriptive. The suspense that you created with each stanza was incredible and it made me want to keep reading. My favorite part of the poem is:
I traversed through this Milky Way
Like debris out of orbit, gone astray
I love not only the imagery, but the emotion those lines bring. I think that your vocabulary creates suspense and description that makes a beautiful poem. Great job!
I love this poem. I like the flow of ideas and the imagery. Just by reading this I feel like I am there. I love the rhyming scheme and the words that you use are so descriptive. The suspense that you created with each stanza was incredible and it made me want to keep reading. My favorite part of the poem is:
I traversed through this Milky Way
Like debris out of orbit, gone astray
I love not only the imagery, but the emotion those lines bring. I think that your vocabulary creates suspense and description that makes a beautiful poem. Great job!
Akanbright here for a review.
Mad ooo. I'll go with the previous reviewer. You really have a bunch of Iexicon in your head. Its really wonderful and obvious. I don't even know where to start from to begin pointing a review.
I love the layout of your poem and the way you constructively structured it into those wonderful three stanzas. Many may not actually understand this poem due to the fact that the language and diction are too high sounding, but that's the beauty of it all, as those who would understand would understand. Nevertheless, I believe the more less a language of a poem appears, the easier it becomes for the reader to comprehend and I solely think you should work on that, in as much as you could use words to paint your work, yet, it should be to the benefit of the reader.
Any work that looks nice to the writer alone, and not create an impactful concept on the reader, is not worth it.
I love your poem and the suspense you created using words. Nice one, I hope to review more of your work.
Thank you for the review! Honestly, I'm surprised you found the language in the poem too high sounding, because I thought it was appropriate especially with the poem being about something grand as space. I will look on this!
Hey Haraya!
First of all, wow! You have a thesaurus in your head. You have used beautiful words to great effect. I especially loved the ending of the poem.
There are like, no errors in this poem. It's just sublime!
The poem basically paints this lovely image in the reader's head, which is glorious to behold. There's just so much visual imagery! <3
This is probably my favorite part:
I traversed through this milky way
Like debris lost in orbit, gone astray
I also loved this part:
Miles away, a grin on a pale observer’s face
As she marvels the chaos of outer space.
On the whole, this a wonderful poem, and you should be called a painter rather than a poet, because you paint with your words. Can't wait to read more of your work.
Keep writing.