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I tipped my cup of coffee

by Haraya

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58 Reviews

Points: 605
Reviews: 58

Fri May 07, 2021 4:09 am
NivedaJames22 wrote a review...

First of all, lemme just say I love your formatting! It looks SOO COOL!!

I've heard of poets that paint pictures with their words, but your poem is like a multi-sensory experience. I can smell the coffee, and hear the grandfather clock.

I love how you used the word staccato in this line:

then a solemn staccato of gunshots

I really like this part, as I feel like putting these in separate lines puts a lot of emphasis on your point in this part:

four grenades

On the whole, it was a wonderful error-free poem. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Keep writing.

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321 Reviews

Points: 53
Reviews: 321

Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:28 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...

This poem is astoundingly clever! I especially love the line where it counts to four, as I can practically hear the eerie chimes of a Grandfather clock, followed by the explosion of battle. The way you write really makes me really hear your poem, if that makes sense. the imagery is just so great, amazing job.
The one thing that did throw off the flow for me, at least, was how “Clock” was in it’s own separate line. But I’m sure there is a reason for that, so feel free to disregard this criticism if you feel the need.
Overall, I love this poem, and it has certainly captured my attention! Keep on writing, and have a fantastic day!

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34 Reviews

Points: 758
Reviews: 34

Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:58 pm
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waywardxwallflower wrote a review...

This poem is magnificent!!

Hi! Wayward here for a quick review!

It's a very simple yet impactful poem, and the formatting is absolutely stunning. The way you've combined a very mundane scene with the lingering feelings of war is incredible. The most lovely part (for me at least) was the unique way in which you write, and especially the last line (or few lines? The countdown part). It brings one slowly and steadily into the narrator's mindset and blends the sounds of the grandfather clock with that the narrator still remembers from battle.

I especially loved the line "in salute to my grandfather clock" because it can be interpreted in so many different ways. The usage of a clock, an indicator of time, still bringing the narrator back to another time, is lovely and speaks volumes about the nature of PTSD and memory itself.

Overall, it was an absolutely lovely poem, and you should definitely be proud!!

Haraya says...

You made me happy with this comment because I didn't really interpret my poem that way. Hearing how it gave you a different meaning is very wonderful! Thank you so much!

You're welcome!! I'm glad my comment helped! This poem is very interesting because it's so interpretive; what was you inspiration for writing it?

Haraya says...

Honestly, it started with me noticing the word "tipping" could either mean salute or turning something over. So I played around with the idea, eventually thinking that you can both tip a cup of coffee because of a ringing grandfather clock, and tip a cup of coffee in honor to a veteran grandfather.

I thought of that too, actually!!

The human heart has hidden treasures, in secret kept, in silence sealed...
— Charlotte Bronte