First of all, lemme just say I love your formatting! It looks SOO COOL!!I've heard of poets that paint pictures with their words, but your poem is like a multi-sensory experience. I can smell the coffee, and hear the grandfather clock.I love how you used the word staccato in this line:
then a solemn staccato of gunshots
One twothree four grenades
This poem is astoundingly clever! I especially love the line where it counts to four, as I can practically hear the eerie chimes of a Grandfather clock, followed by the explosion of battle. The way you write really makes me really hear your poem, if that makes sense. the imagery is just so great, amazing job.The one thing that did throw off the flow for me, at least, was how “Clock” was in it’s own separate line. But I’m sure there is a reason for that, so feel free to disregard this criticism if you feel the need.Overall, I love this poem, and it has certainly captured my attention! Keep on writing, and have a fantastic day!
This poem is magnificent!!Hi! Wayward here for a quick review!It's a very simple yet impactful poem, and the formatting is absolutely stunning. The way you've combined a very mundane scene with the lingering feelings of war is incredible. The most lovely part (for me at least) was the unique way in which you write, and especially the last line (or few lines? The countdown part). It brings one slowly and steadily into the narrator's mindset and blends the sounds of the grandfather clock with that the narrator still remembers from battle.I especially loved the line "in salute to my grandfather clock" because it can be interpreted in so many different ways. The usage of a clock, an indicator of time, still bringing the narrator back to another time, is lovely and speaks volumes about the nature of PTSD and memory itself. Overall, it was an absolutely lovely poem, and you should definitely be proud!!
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