Of Mankind
Of mankind's varied fortunes, of his great failures and triumphs,
From his humble ape beginnings on the great African plains,
To his modern planet-spanning power, and ironically his time of greatest need.
***
He has both fought and worked together, both waged war and made peace out of need,
For his power, riches, people, beliefs, ideology, or lands,
But whether he lost or he won, whether he was beaten or had successfully triumphed-
***
One thing stayed the same, throughout the myriad eons of man's cycle of wants and needs,
Whether he suffered for his mishaps and misdeeds, or he had indeed bathed in glorious triumph,
Man remained man, whether it be in the time of sticks and stones or spaceships and computers, or throughout his lands.
***
But that may change out of need, as he triumphs and crawls out of his earthly cradle, and onto unknown lands.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review. So let's get started.
First and foremost, you have impeccable vocabulary. I spotted a lot of words that a normal thirteen year old wouldn't know. You must either be an avid reader or something of that matter. It kind of reminds me of myself.
I adored the structure in which you wrote this. It works very well with the overall theme and message you're trying to convey. I love that your poem for the most part is clear and concise when it comes to the themes and mood of your poem.
I love the idea of highlighting the emotional evolution of mankind over the centuries. How we are constantly changing and discovering new ideals. How we are still trying to discover ourselves and understand ourselves and world itself.
My favorite line in particular is
This line really highlights what you're trying to say.
The following are some edits and errors I would like to bring to light or suggest. Keep in mind, that these are mere suggestions, and you don't have to use them.
First of all, it's a major pet peeve of mine when every line of a poem is capitalized. It may just be me being picky, but when two lines are part of the same sentence, they both don't need to by capitalized. Just some food for thought to look into that. Autocap is the bane of all poets.
There isn't much imagery in this poem. Like what @akanbright brought up, although good vocabulary is a great skill to have, when you have little imagery (which is okay), some kinds of expert vocabulary and diction can be detrimental when forming the image.
There aren't that many grammatical errors I found, but at times the lines get a bit muddled. You can easily spot this when reading your poetry out loud. The main difference between poetry and prose, is the sounds and flow of the words together. There are some lines that don't sound pleasant on the tongue compared to others and may take away from the rhythm.
For example,
While these lines aren't as muddled and overcrowded as other poetry I have seen on this forum, they still in my opinion don't move together as nicely as the others. Maybe edit them down a tad or breaking them apart might help with the rhythm.
Overall, I indeed loved this piece. I love good poems that make us think and add more sense into who we are as a species. You bring up many good ideas and for being thirteen it says on your profile, this is very impressive. All of these edits or flaws are common for young poets, so don't fret. The mishaps can be blamed on inexperience.
I remember being an aspiring thirteen year old poet. Your style reminds me of myself in many ways. Poetry is very hard to write and perfect, believe me, I know. But don't give up! And don't fret! If your poetry is this refined at such a young age, I can only imagine how much it will change and better as you grow up. Remember to read your poems out loud (helps a lot when spotting errors), and take every critique with a grain of salt. Learn to balance taking others suggestion and staying true to what you think your work needs. Editing and the second draft are the most important parts of writing in general. Learning what to keep and what to take away, is what truly makes a good writer. Read a lot from various poets and genres of literature. Explore other forms of writing. I also recommend taking a class, so you can listen to other writers about their work and you might learn something from them. I know I did when I first took a creative writing class.
I really liked this poem, nice job! Have faith in your craft and skill, you really have talent. Keep on writing!
PS: Welcome to Young Writer's Society!
Ty for the review and praise!
Yah, probably has some errors, I made this in less than 15 minutes. Well, since this poetry form is a Tritina, I need to have the same last three words in each of the sections. I will take your suggestions to heart, and try to have more imagery and less muddled lines. I am actually currently taking a gifted option Creative Writing Class for 8th period! If you liked this, I think you will like my other poem even better-I made it two years ago, and I am proud of it. If you could review that poem, it would be great!
I also am writing a Sci-fi novel which this is connected to, called Exodus.
You're welcome! Btw, now that I take another look at your poem, I do notice the Tritina. Now, I'm even more impressed. I'm all for structure poems, and I applaud you for giving structure a try. I would love to see your other poems and your Sci-fi novel. I don't write Science Fiction, so I might not be able to give expert critiques, but I do love reading H.W Wells
Ty!
Exodus-Part One
Exodus Appendixes
Exodus-Part Two
A Treasure That Is Greater Than Gold
Last one is the poem, the first three are my sci-fi story. Beware, as it is loooong.
Akanbright is here for a review. I really enjoy this piece of writing, as it tend to invoke in the reader the evolvement and stability of man over time and age.
It is not unrealistic when you said that despite the evolvement of time, man still remained and that's what differentiate man from other creatures. Man gas been made overtime to adapt to some certain physical and environmental laws which can make him versatile.
It's good giving a brief analysis of your poem and like everything here, there's a review. True that there isn't any perfect poet or writer, as everyone is an everyday learner.
I would like to point out some few errors of your poem, which I think maybe be beneficial to you, if you pay attention to it.
It may sound high,but take it as a review. Its a nice one,but your word ends are unstable and twitching in the impact they tend to create and develop in the mind.
The imagery of this poem is low and can only be formed and as well comprehensible only at the last stanza. This means that the only clear part of this poem is the last verse of it and I think you have to learn to pinpoint your poem from an anfle of immense clarity and avoid high sounding words which could be detrimental to the understanding of the reader.
Not minding that fact, I really enjoyed your poem of man kind and I hope to review more of the your works.
Well, ty for the review-figures, i made this rambling tritina in less than 15 minutes, it probably has a bunch of mistakes.
Yh but its nice anyways
Noice
Nope. True
Really? Ok, I guess I really am good at writing poetry.
Yh good at mankind.. Lolzz
LOLLLLL
One thing that stayed the same was that all your works are great
Hey there! Anne for a review!!
This poem is beautifully expressed with such an outstanding message.
The best stanza for me. Made peace out of need- is indeed a jaw-dropping phrase to describe the nature of mankind.
Man remained man- wow!! I have absolutely no nitpicks till now.
What was the meaning of the first line? Will man not remain man? As in the development of AI? Didn't get it
The last line however was as flawless as a pure pearl.
Wonderful job!! Really loved this poem. Especially your endings - they totally sumarise the idea of the poem. Keep writing
He will need to change, from Homo sapiens into homo Deus.
From wise men to men who are gods.
Woah! That's really deep!
Keep it up!
Lol Pradeep
Hello. Here for a review!!
The review will be too short.
This was honestly a flawless one. I couldn't even find a single mistake which is too rare. It describes the evolution of mankind. How men have developed and is constantly changing but men will always remain men. The definition of men is constantly changing from time to time.
Once, man triumphs other times fails. Sometimes, men fight wars and the other times, they work together. All these concepts were evident in your work.
Overall, it was an excellent work. 10/10(copying your strategy😂). Keep writing.
Bye!!!
Lol my strategy lollllll
Yes, it was your strategy or rather a way of youra
Ok lol