Chapter Two
After a long nap, I wake up to find that the females have gone on a hunting trip. I scramble up and look around for my mother, but she is nowhere to be seen. My guess is that she's helping with the hunt. Nubia and two younger males are playing in the far grasses so I suppose I'm one of the only females in camp. I lift my head and call for Corin, my best friend. Her mother is the lead striker, which is the fastest female in the pride. Amina, Corin's mother, let's her go on most hunting trips so I'm not surprised when I hear a call from Corin telling me that she's hunting. Her loud roar can travel for miles if she wanted it to but it sounds like they are pretty close.
I pick up my paws as I'm running through the grass and towards the scent of buffalo. When I reach the buffalo herd I slow to a halt and look around for Corin. Her spots on her legs and belly distinguish her and I find that she is baring her teeth into a buffalo's nose. With no time to call out, Corin signals to me with her tail and I run forward, leaping onto the buffalo's neck and clamping my teeth into its neck. The buffalo gives a low moan and falls to the ground, thrashing its legs. Some of my pride mates wrap themselves around the legs to keep them from injuring someone.
I bite down with all the power in my jaw, but it isn't hard enough to cut off the buffalo's windpipe. Amina pushes me aside and grips the buffalo neck in her mouth until the buffalo goes still. I watch in awe until I feel warm breath on my shoulder and turn to see Corin smiling at me, "Nadia, you were great! I bet we would have lost the kill if you hadn't put weight on the buffalo's neck for us!"
I smile at the praise, "Thanks Corin! You weren't too bad yourself. I bet we'll become the top hunters of our pride someday."
Corin smiles and looks to her side and I follow her gaze. The leader of my pride walks over to the buffalo. The rule of all prides is that the males get to eat as much as they want first. After they have eaten all that they can, the females are allowed to eat. I watch as the big males sink their teeth into the buffalo flesh, ripping off a pick of meat. The smell of blood and meat is so tempting but I know that I must wait my turn.
"You did well today Nadia."
Amina's voice is cool and I turn to meet her kind eyes, "I think you would make a wonderful striker-with the proper training." I think about how far I had to run from camp and how I ran at the buffalo with all my speed. Maybe I could make a good striker.
"Thank you, Amina, I'll keep that in mind."
Amina smiles and walks away. I know what she's up to.
She's playing a game with me.
She's trying to promise me a good life if I select Dawn Pride tonight.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Gymnast2801, you did a great job with this chapter too. Although you do need to watch your spelling.
"The leder of my pride walks over to the buffalo." leder needs to be leader.
I think that is the only one I saw so good job this time! I cannot wait to read chapter three! I liked the detailed hunt it was interesting! You could try and make your chapters a bit longer too. Other than that it's a great chapter! Keep up the wonderful work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future! I am enjoying your book so far by the way!
AshleyDashley
I think that you need to make this story in past tense most of the time. The present tense just makes me feel like nothing is alright. I enjoyed this part still even if it was so short. I understood a lot more about this story and its plot. I hope you keep on writing. Good job. I will only leave some correction that you can take and use.
I think you meant 'his' not 'he' but I will still mention it.
In this part, I want to say that it needs to be 'from Corin' not 'for Corin'.
'Tralve' needs to be 'travel'. And her roar can not be 'low' if it can be heard so far away.
I think it needs to be 'when' or 'as' not 'until'.
Here it needs ti be 'were' not 'where' it might be auto correct or your mistake.
You need comma before her name.
Overall, these were my corrections and opinion. I think you can improve yourself and this work even better.
Thank you for the help!
I do agree that this chapter is short and not as good as my last one but I wasn't quite sure how to describe a hunt, though I will work on making this chapter just as good as the last.
You are welcome.