Sweet, sweet Caroline.
Your voice is molasses,
But your words are daggers.
The taste is bittersweet,
Then sour, then dull,
When they crunch through without licking
And impact my Gummy center.
Oh, my sweet Caroline,
You are junk food to my soul!
Sugar pouts its white, powdery mouth,
And Strawberry Shortcake gets all sour,
For they know you're the sweetest by far.
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128,535 Literary Works • 671,489 Reviews
Hey Gummy, I have a good ol' review for you on this review day!
My name is Strange, and I honestly don't know if I reviewed one of your poems yet. Though, this is a good start.
To start on a little tangent, I started singing "Sweet Caroline." This brought a smile to my face.
I do like this poem. Its nice and sweet. This shows a mass amount of heart, with good intentions all the way. Its weird, because I hate romantic poems, but I've been liking them for some reason. I have no cons for this. It flows, it has a sweet theme to it, and it brings out love. This is perfect for a girlfriend. This brought a huge smile to my face. I can't wait to see more from you.
Overall, you just received a follow!
Strange gives you..
8.9/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy
-You're SUPER RAD!-
This is so sweet my teeth hurt and I might need a visit to the dentist. Are all of your works this...sugary?
I'm getting a cannibalistic vibe. But seriously, if people taste the way you describe this, I'd become a cannibal.
No major grammar errors, which I don't care about since poetry has no grammar rules anyway (for the most part) but I would like to see this put into stanzas. It looks a little long the way that it currently is.
Of course, as the author, that's your call. If you like it the way that it is, then don't change it.
Happy Review Day!
KT
Hello, this is Kman134 to review your work.
Once I read this poem, it caused my sweet tooth to act up, but then it reminded me of cannibalism.
It is a very good poem with good details and imagery. The language used in it is amusing, as well, and the metaphors are of splendor. How you use references to food and such really makes ones' mouth to drool.
It is a very good story and I hope you continue with your works.
Thank you for your thoughts~ I knew someone was going to comment on something remotely related to Willy Wonka eventually XD
In all seriousness, though, thanks for your kind words and for taking the time to review this work. I reallly appreciate it~
Hey, Nargles here to review.
First up, the title reminded me of the song 'sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond, so I was sort of reading it in tune to that song.
But, anyway.
This is a really nice poem, with some great use of imagery and language.
I really liked the way you likened the subject of the poem to sweets and food, it worked well and as a reader it was interesting and engaging.
My favourites part was
"The taste is bittersweet,
Then sour, then dull,"
I like the way you broke the poem up with a short, quick sentence.
The only bit that I suggest revising or changing is:
"When they crunch through without licking
And impact my Gummy center."
It runs on to much and because of that it looses the flow of the poem.
You could change it to
"When they crunch through without licking;
Impacting my Gummy center"
It gets rid of the 'and' which isn't needed and ruins the flow of the poem as well as taking away from the actual words and meaning of the poem.
You have done a really good job.
Keep writing,
Nargles xx
Thanks so much for taking your time to review~ Yeah, I was kind of worried about those lines from square one, but eventually decided to go with what my gut told me. Thanks for the advice!
Awww, it's such a cute poem lol. It could have been longer...you could have described it better.
My favorite part is:
"Sugar pouts its white, powdery mouth,
And Strawberry Shortcake gets all sour,
For they know you're the sweetest by far."
Overall, 8.5/10
Thanks for taking the time to review! This was a very "on-the-fly" poem, you see, and I tend to make these short so as not to overstretch my inspiration and potentially ruin the piece.
I'm actually relieved to see these lines are your favorite part, though, because by then, I was starting to show signs of losing the spark... ^^;
Oh I understand.
You're welcome!