Shakespearean Sonnet #5

Hello, darling! Again, haven't read the other reviews, so risking repeating what they've said.

To begin, I love the sentiment of the poem more than I love some of the execution. It's very inspirational, and it's definitely leading into the idea of having a brilliant light, and a brilliant purpose in this world - in a way, echoing your Sonnet #2 , but in a different format. Where that one was evolution, this one is learning how to toughen your skin, which is absolutely necessary in any field of work.

However, this one is definitely on par with #4 as far as shaky and awkward goes. I actually think this one did amp it up to eleven, but I still have to see how the other three do. A lot of your awkwardness comes from altering phrases that are common in everyday language so they sound a little stiffer and a little more formal, and they don't really work with your other lines. For example, "make me feel less weak" sounds odd to me; as does "turn over the page", because "turn the page" is such a common phrase, as is "turn over a new leaf", so it kind of comes across as some sort of strange amalgam.

Some of your rhymes - I noticed that you bring your rhymes from the first stanza into other stanzas sometimes, and I can't help but wonder if it's because you've run out of descriptive words with which to rhyme. I know that it's probably not the case, but a reader cannot know author intent without specifically asking the author. Especially, your third stanza rhyme of "week/weak" sounds odd, and it feels like it's been carried down from the "freak/weak" rhyme in stanza one - and that was forced enough there. We don't need it in another place.

A little nitpick: you don't need a comma after the word "nights" in stanza three line 3; it's completely ungrammatical, and it feels like you tossed it in because "every line needs punctuation at the end." (Not true.)

Overall, I think this has a lot of potential (saying that a lot, aren't I?) but could benefit from some fairly extensive editing. Keep writing!

Personally, sonnets are extremely hard for me to write and finish, so congratulations on writing a sonnet! The subject of your sonnet is pretty interesting!

For the most part, your poem fits the traditional structure of a Shakespearean sonnet, exploring the problem in the first three quatrains and resolving in the last couplet.

I don't have very many nitpicks of your meter--you pretty much keep to a good iambic pentameter.

By hiding tears, I'd make me feel less weak,

But I've devoted many sleepless nights,
To find a way to turn over the page.

I'll make them each a witness to my light!

Hello! Frostarmor here to review your poem. I will start by telling you that I liked the overall story of the poem and the idea behind it, but the way it's presented could be better. When it comes to rhyming poems you have to make it natural, and I felt a lot of this was very forced and wasn't how you would normally talk. Though you did have some nuggets of genius in there, you just got to weed out the not so great one's and replace them with better alternatives and this poem would be great.

Also, just another thing I saw that kind of bugged me is you used weak two times in a relatively short span of time, and you used after having used the other form "week". I don't that was a good choice and I felt it could have been better had another word been used in place of the second "weak", though that could just be my personal opinion.

Overall I liked the poem, and I hope that you continue to write them and progressively get better, because that is how we get better, through practice. Good luck!