Shakespearean Sonnet #2

Hello, darling! Here to review, obviously. I haven't read the other reviews, so pardon if I repeat anything they've said.

On the positive side, I do really enjoy the message of this poem, and your meter is pretty good, as well. I think that there's a lot to be said for evolving and changing into a higher form of yourself, for finding your purpose in life and fulfilling that role.

On the critical side, I have a few points. I'm not much of a fan of some of your meter and rhyme - some of your phrases are awkward, and it feels like they were put in there for the sake of the meter, or the sake of the rhyme, when a bit of tweaking or a different phrase might work just as well.

I guess I always had the chance, it seems,
But it was too much effort, too much pain.

Hello! I'm here for a super short review because... really... there's not anything wrong with this at all. The few things below are just little things that I personally picked up, but the poem is fine without listening to me. Still, please listen because otherwise I might as well not write this.

And all I left was but a gooey trail;

I had no legacy to leave behind.

But then I found that time was running out.

I had to take a choice or stay a slug.

As such, my mind was cleared of any doubt;

I didn’t want to live and die a bug.

"For years I’ve crawled along like slugs and snails,

With little where or why I’d go in mind.

And all I left was but a gooey trail;

I had no legacy to leave behind"


This was a pretty great choice for an opening. Describing yourself as a slug or snail was great in the sense that we all know how slow snails are and we know how lazy slugs are. A good combo for a description, I just thought I should point that out. And not only that but I enjoyed how you used the idea of a snail/slug's trail to pair with the lack of a legacy. Slime definitely would not be the first thing in my mind as being worth anything.

"I’d watch the others fighting for their dreams;

I’d ask myself if I could do the same.

I guess I always had the chance, it seems,

But it was too much effort, too much pain"

I must say these are my favorite lines!!! The rhyme and flow is flawless!! And it speaks so much in depth about the overall message of this poem! I have had the same feelings. I would turn on the TV and see people my age following their dreams and becoming legends while I just sat on my couch thinking to myself, "I wish I could do that."
I can't begin to explain how much I adore this line. It is so raw and realistic. Not strained or forged; I feel like you speak from the depths of your heart with these lines. Bravo to you!!


"I know He has much bigger plans for me,

I’ll be the me that He wants me to be"

By the sight of a capital "H" for a pronoun, I am guessing you are referring to God. If so then that is just brilliant. You do not hold anything back in this poem. After reading this I felt as though that was the main purpose of this poem--to put your trust in God and not your own strength.

Wonderful poem from a wonderful person!
Write on!!

Hey, Gummy! What an intriguing poem!

So, immediately I thought when reading this: the speaker of this poem is very self-conscious, straight away they go into how they are like slugs and snails, which is a very peculiar comparison but still very low self esteemed comment. I felt pity towards them. It is a strange, yet effective comparison as I know you are talking about slowness of mind or as I read, where to strive to go and to travel.
I like how you carry on with that comparison of the snail/slug, when talking about the heritage, or the name or achievements that he hasn't left behind, once again, making himself feel small - like a slug/snail. In his eyes, he is unimportant. Which I find very sad.
One thing I noticed, maybe it was purposeful, but you start a lot of these sentences with 'I'. This makes me think that because this person has put themselves so low, they start to wallow in self pity, say if only I could have done this or I could have do that. I am unimportant.
I thought the rhyme scheme wasn't forced or rushed. It flowed well. You kept a constant theme - which I found incredibly effective. And your comparison was lovely. You can tell you have put a lot of thought and feeling into this. Every word is important.
Well done!

Your sincerely,
Traunt

Hey! Hadj here to review!

Analysis
So, it seems that the speaker of this poem is incredibly shy. They are cowering behind the others, and too nervous to try to make anything of themselves. I was a little confused by the "He" (capitalized?) in the last two lines, but I am assuming this is either a father, a loved one, or a God. The themes in this poem are relateable, and I love the way you expressed them!

Praise
Awesome work! I love your metaphor, and the rhyming seems so natural!
I hate getting short reviews, and I really hate writing them, but I have no real suggestions for changing this beautiful peom!

Great work, and keep on writing!
~Hadj