This was written during an Honors Program Retreat for a Bad Poetry Contest and won me first prize. It is a rather dubious honor but some of you might find it interesting.
Death
Slowly I cut myself with... paper.
Over and over and over and over I cut myself.
It took me three months and a trip on a bus,
but alas my recovery thwarted-
by calculus!
Madly I scribble "integral from a to b x dx= b^2/2-a^2/2."
A snap in my brain leaves me completely insane!
I smile with glee at x goes to infinity!
I can be differentiated no more.
No longer with a bridle,
I'm completely homicidal!
No function will stand in my way!!
In a blink of an eye,
I see all the lies that my former sanity hid.
Where a family once stood I now see a vision of a different persuasion.
I behold- a system of equations!
"gniod uoy era tahw" the system sent to my fax.
"BE QUIET!" I screamed!
"Now you will see, me reply to your fax with my axe!"
The system lay dead
all minus a head.
How amazing the difference can make.
Now the cops come, equipped with their guns,
and I rushed at them at my max!
The projectiles fly and so do I,
towards the ground like an airplane I go.
With my last breath I say, "myzicks to my breath!"
For although math to a brain will drive it insane,
it is physics that results in death.
... man that was terrible. Comments?
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139,672 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
I'm sorry but this poem made me laugh *giggle*
I don't know if that's what you aimed for but I smiled the whole way through.
I mean, I struggle with math so bad and liked how you described how insane people get when they try to do math! I can totally relate to the frustration when you try to do a math.
I hope that doesn't offend you that I found this poem humorous but I did!
For literature, it was decent. It didn't make me want to scream with joy after reading it but I don't think it was horrible either. I found it entertaining!
Keep up the good work!
Suddenly.....i'm sad
which means it works i guess
nice
i love it
no wait should i hate it?
i dont know you got me all confuzzeled!
Hmmmm
First off, I really liked the discourse on calculus and physics in the last stanza. It said 'Aha!' in my head. It clicked.
As for the rest of the poem, I had the impression there were moments of semantic clarity that were clouded by the over-the-topness of tone. For example, I liked this:
"The system lay dead
all minus a head.
How amazing the difference can make."
But the 'axe' before it and the 'max' after just kind of... *wrings hands in search of a proper description*
The grammar sometimes...intrigues me. But I'm afraid to point out specifics because English is my second language, and it's taken up a whole lot of reading just to get the hang of an English poetic voice.
Other than that, I despise Calculus, so I can relate.
ummm yea....i don't know to say good job or what......i did enjoy it however....and i agree with Adam also...^^
-Uo The lady in Gray
XD This is really great in a strange and rather interesting way...
I do not know whether it be bad, or good...but i likes it.
It made me chuckle abit, and i don't know why.
I'm confused, in a good way.
yay.
This is a strange and altogether interesting piece, mixing English with Maths? It's really food actually and it made me laugh, although I have to think is it really that good?
Y'know I'm not sure, so I'm just gonna say, good work.
"Who needs cutting when there's Calculus?"
XD
I dont know what else to say. I hate math of all kinds. :]
hahah, I liked it. It was so full of math-like puns and general puns and foolishness that it was hard not to laugh, and so I liked it.
Awesome job. XD
I give you applause for having the courage to write a piece about the terror of math. Oh, how I hate math, and I can relate in so many ways...
I just loved how your poem was very relatable to those that can't stand math.
So, thank you.
Loved it!
Well done
Nice piece, really shows the darkness of math, very and nice.
For some reason it reminds me on Alber Einstein.
Don't know why, but have been weird lately.
Nice book
Comments? No. There are no words.
I don't know whether to say "good job" or just go sob in a corner (and not from its beauty).
Er... keep up the bad work?
ermm......Where's Brad when you need him?
I suck at math, so much of this went over my head. I dont know.
*bursts into wild applause*