I don't remember leaving my great grandmother's house
for the last time.
I don't remember stepping out that familiar door
or walking down those steps
I'd walked down a thousand times before,
but it must have happened
because I am not there now
and neither is she.
--
I don't remember the last time I spoke to her
or the last hug she gave me.
I remember how she felt, how she sounded,
but the precious moments escape me
because the anticipation of the next time remained.
Now my ears and my arms are empty.
--
I don't remember deciding I liked earl grey tea
with a dash of honey stirred in.
The sharp taste and the lingering sweetness
brings to mind past sips, but then the flavor fades
and I am left with a warm chest and a burned tongue.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Hello milord Raven! I am a tea addict, black tea to be more specific, and when I saw earl grey in the title I knew I must read this poem. Plus it's review month and checklists and all that stuff so let's get to work.
I love reading poems that begin strongly and on a different note than what I had in mind. It starts by presenting the condition of the persona who seem to be unable to recall details about their great grandmother. The repetition of "I don't remember" enhances the idea of forgetting such stuff. I love also the addition of the term great grandmother because it acts as a clue for us to understand briefly that the text speaks of a pretty old time.
The ''a thousand'' hyperbole adds to the depth of the poem and creates a kind of paradox in the reader's mind. They say repeating something over and over again makes you remember that thing however in this case that saying seems to be wrong.
While the first stanza was busy explaining the missing palpable memories, the second one dives deep in the abstract notions (feelings). The passing of time is underlined by the epithets "last time" and "last hug". It ends on a longing note, which I like and not really. I mean I understand the meaning of "Now my ears and my arms are empty." but the imagery of empty ears is quite amateurish and doesn't fit in that well with the poem.
And the poem ends with a lovely melancholic stanza. The persona say they don't remember deciding to like earl grey and goes on by describing the tea. This tea acts as a bridge to the unobtainable memories as it "brings to mind past sips" however it is only temporary seeing that the memories stop there, the flavor stops and leaves them hanging.
Loved the poem, great job, happy RevMo and see ya. Ah btw, keep writing poetry, I love them <3333
Thank you for the review, Buranko!
That little bit about the ears and arms are meant to speak both to auditory and tactile senses specifically because I mentioned examples of both in that same stanza, so I took pains to make sure that line worked for me to draw attention to the loss of specific elements of those senses in direct relation to my great grandmother's passing. Sorry it didn't work for you!
I understood that much but it's most likely my view of how a poem should feel like, especially one with this depth, ears seems too blunt and plain.
I loved reading this RavenLord it definitely is a nice poem, keep writing your real good at it.
Wow I really enjoyed this poem! I LOVED the last stanza the bittersweet warm chest and burned tongue. Really moving and great way to finish off. I also love the title name.
Thank you so much!
Hi there RavenLord! I thought I'd stop by with a quick review on this touching poem <3
I love how simple and to-the-point this poem is. You don't use any fancy language or elaborate imagery and it's so much stronger because of that. But where you do choose to use imagery, it's concise, clean, and very impactful. The overall effect is that it comes across as very down-to-earth - and I can tell this writing comes straight from the heart.
I also like your repetition of the phrase "I don't remember"; as the narrator recalls all the different things they can't remember, you can really sense their regret, and it builds up all the way to the end of the poem.
^This is one of my favourite parts of the poem. You capture the fact that people often remember someone but still don't have specific memories to hold on to and treasure, and the grief this can cause in retrospect <3 I also love the line "Now my ears and my arms are empty" - it's so poignant and simple yet hard-hitting. (Incredibly minor nitpick, but I think that line would flow even better without the "my" before "arms".)
This is such a beautiful way to end the poem. I personally read it as a bit of a metaphor - the warm chest = the narrator's affection towards their grandmother, but the burned tongue = their regret at not having specific memories to remember and cherish. Whether that was your intended interpretation or not, it's certainly a very poetic way to close the poem and it conveys the bittersweet tone of the entire piece really well.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this poem. I'm sorry I don't have any real constructive criticism, but it's already so effective and impactful as is! <3 I hope this still proves helpful in some way!
Keep writing c:
whatcha
Thank you so much for the review, whatcha! That was exactly what I was going for with the tea--kind of a bittersweet duality to both my memories and the taste of the tea.
As for the "my" in that one line, I did give it some thought before adding that specific word. It's difficult to articulate why I placed it there, but it does have a purpose.
Perhaps it's there to reflect a Romantic feeling that I've always loved. Not sure how to put it.
Anyway, thank you again!
..This is just-
okay, I'm not a tea-drinker, in fact I don't even like tea, but this..poem made me want it. Okay, okay, that's not the point.
I love that you hold the memories that you had with your great-grandmother so close. It makes me feel really warm and fuzzy. It's crazy how the most minute things can wash over us in such ways, right?
I don't really have much of a critique to give you - I just really liked this piece.
<3
IzzyWidgeon
woooow you just posted this two minutes ago
I'm early for once lol,
Anyways- on to the review
❌❌❌ MINUSES ❌❌❌
The punctuation. The moments where that is the most just.. CLEAR, is in the first stanza. Second verse, full stop. Fifth verse, comma. Aaaaaand three verses later, a final verse and full stop. It sounds unimportant and useless to point such a small thing, but truly, it's soooo much more important than you think. First off, the rhythm. since the full stops are kinda all over the place, there's some unnecessary pauses and blanks that could be avoided, and the commas don't really help with the flow either, although the one in the first stanza was a huge relief. It's a minor issue, but it really disrupts the flow, so a bit of polishing on that would help this poem a lot.
✅✅✅ PLUSES ✅✅✅
Just.. WOW. I am so impressed !!!! the heart wrenching verses, the delicate and yet
nostalgia-inciting writing this has.. it's just absolutely touching ! Your style is immaculate, it has this airy feel to it, and yet it feels.. dusty almost. There's just such melancholy and other feelings that point to nostalgia, that it is simply a literal masterpiece. It has this bittersweetness to it, and that last line on the first stanza. Oh that last line. It completely breaks the calm and collected beginning of your poem and that's when the reader knows, that this is going to be one of those poems that stay on your mind for weeks. No, really, apart for some polishing to do, there's not much I have against this poem. Great poem and an even greater continuation to your writing 💜
I'm absolutely blown away by this review, stygian! I'm so glad this hit you. Thank you so, so much. I'll take the punctuation issues into account!