There’s this girl in my head;
She’s beautiful. Her eyes-
They look like pearls in the throes of the ocean.
Her hair fans out in shades of ebony and chestnut
And curls fall onto her pretty, unsymmetrical face
Like waves; splashing onto the pale shore.
Her face is peppered with pimples-
Her cheeks, red with hypertrophic scars.
Her body turns full and broadens
right at her hips, like little earthen pots.
Stretch marks hug her waist and her calves-
Resembling vine-like tattoos.
Her fingers are short with tiny nails,
But they’ve helped her write words as mighty as the swords’ grandeur.
There’s this girl in my head,
She’s me. Only so much more self-content.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Hey there!
There’s this girl in my head;
I really really like this poem! I remember reading one of your other ones, and I enjoyed both of them very much! You have some lovely descriptions going on here, and my favourite has to be "Her hair fans out in shades of ebony and chestnut/ And curls fall onto her pretty, unsymmetrical face/ Like waves; splashing onto the pale shore." It paints such a vivid image in my head! I only have a couple things to say about it. These are just suggestions, so if you don't agree, feel free to ignore them!
The first thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. Right now, your poem is a block of text can look intimidating to some. Dividing your poem into stanzas can make this an easier read. I've put one out of the many ways you can divide this into the spoiler below:
Spoiler
She’s beautiful. Her eyes-
They look like pearls in the throes of the ocean.
Her hair fans out in shades of ebony and chestnut
And curls fall onto her pretty, unsymmetrical face
Like waves; splashing onto the pale shore.
Her face is peppered with pimples-
Her cheeks, red with hypertrophic scars.
Her body turns full and broadens
right at her hips, like little earthen pots.
Stretch marks hug her waist and her calves-
Resembling vine-like tattoos.
Her fingers are short with tiny nails,
But they’ve helped her write words as mighty as the swords’ grandeur.
There’s this girl in my head,
She’s me. Only so much more self-content.
Another thing I'd like to mention is capitalization. You capitalize the beginning of every line except this one
I'm curious as to why you didn't capitalize it, especially since you capitalized the beginning of every line. I recommend remaining consistent in your capitalization.
I don't have much else to say; this is already such a lovely piece! I really enjoyed reading it, and hope this helped
Hey GirlWithATypewriter!
This a beautiful poem, one that contradicts society's image that girls are supposed to fit into. The imagery is great, I love the way you describe her and show the ways that typically people would look down upon, or regard as faults in her body as things that she's learned to love.
This poem also shows that the things that really matter aren't on the outside but inside. I know that sounds really cliche, but I feel sometimes people really forget that.
The last line,
"She’s me. Only so much more self-content."
really resonated with me. It seemed to say, "This is who I aspire to be. A girl who doesn't care about what others think her body. A girl who knows, that she is worth something as she is." The girl is resolving to remember her worth.
I don't see any errors with the writing and it seemed to flow smoothly as I read it.
I also loved the fact that you called it Scars To Your Beautiful. This poem perfectly echoes the song by Alessia Cara. (If you haven't heard it before, go listen to it, it's amazing.)
In all, this is my favorite poem that I've seen on here!
Keep writing
-Shadeflame
(Okay, now I copied the review in here to up above. Problem solving!!!)
xD xD
Thank you so much for the amazing review! And yes, that's exactly what she's trying to do.
And yeah, I've heard the song which is why I put the title in quotations.
It really is a beautiful song and one of my all-time favorites honestly.
I'm so glad you liked my poem. Thank you for reading it!
I like how you used different descriptions in your writing. It gives the reader an image in their head about what she looks like. I see that you said that they've helped her write her words as mighty as swords. One thing I would add is what are some of the things that she says. But other than that it is great! You should keep writing.
Thank you so much, I'll try working on that
Hey! I love the descriptions in this piece. “Her eyes- / they look like pearls in the throes of the ocean” is a particularly beautiful description. I also love the way it associates the girl with pearls, already implying that she is precious and valuable.
I was a little confused by the line “hypertrophic scars”. I had to look up the word “hypertrophic” and from what I could tell, it means the enlargement of tissues (correct me if I’m wrong). I don’t exactly know what you mean by the phrase “hypertrophic scars”. Does this mean the scars are enlarging? If so, I would use a simpler, and more common word. The use of the word “hypertrophic” threw off the rhythm of the poem for me because it made me pause in confusion. I would suggest either defining “hypertrophic” in some way or using another word.
I also like the way you describe stretch marks as “vine-like tattoos”. I think there’s a bit of a negative connotation surrounding stretch marks, and it’s generally thought they are something to hide. But there’s nothing wrong with tattoos (at least for most people), and by comparing them to tattoos, you are removing the negative connotations.
I love all the descriptions in this poem. It offers a unique perspective on women and the female body, separate from all the negative images present in society. However, I felt the poem was a little underdeveloped. It’s just descriptions, and I would suggest building on the descriptions or connecting them a little more. You have a really great theme going, it’s just that the poem feels a little monotone. It’s just metaphors and similes about the female body. Are there any other ideas, related to bodily image, that you could add to the poem? Could you write about the images on TV that the girl sees? Could you write about the way other people see her body? How does she see her body? Has her self-image been static? Has it changed? What changed it?
You’ve got a really great poem, and I’d just like to know more about the speaker of the poem and what’s going on inside her head.
Hi, thanks for the lovely review!
The word hypertrophic, I understand how it might confuse people but most people with acne have somethings call hypertrophic scars. They are red patches/scars left behind after several years of acne. My doctor calls them, "hypertrophic scars", whereas I just call them ugly scars, hence why I used those words.
Thank you for the review, I know the poem seems a little underdeveloped, I'll try including a preface on it. What the poem is really about is just that this girl in her head-looks at herself this beautiful way. She doesn't see anything being wrong with having wild, curly hair or having stretch marks left from adolescence. But because of the general stereotypes, she fails to see herself that way and wishes she could be as self-confident/self-content in herself.
Sorry for the late reply and thank you so much for leaving such a nice review!