Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Dear Universe,

by GirlWithATypewriter


Dear Universe, are you done laughing?

Because this isn’t funny anymore.

Do you want me to put on a red nose and go dancing?

Or let me just clap and bark and cause an uproar.

You’ve seen me stumble and break over and over again,

You’ve seen as I shiver through the nights with silent tears,

You’ve watched me, desperately hold on to the pieces that remain,

Yet you’ve binge-watched my misery like a sit-com through the years.

Dear Universe, have I given you a good laugh?

If I have, please let me go now.

I’ve done you a favor by writing my own epitaph,

Let me exit the stage with a sound bow.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
111 Reviews


Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

Donate
Sun Jan 26, 2020 6:10 am
tgham99 wrote a review...



This poem is worded so strongly that I literally feel like I'm the one who's suffering at the hands of the universe rather than the narrator themselves.

Right off the bat I liked the poem because of how you set it up -- it reads like a letter directed at the universe, which is a very good way of capturing the reader's attention (alongside the title, of course).

My favorite line is this:

"Yet you've binge-watched my misery like a sit-com through the years."

This line on its own gives a modern twist to the ages-old concept of the universe mocking us in our darkest moments.

The mixed feelings of hopelessness and frustration are what really make this poem effective to me; rather than being angry and only angry at the universe, the speaker is resigning themselves to the fact that they will never be able to "exit the stage" of suffering until the universe says it's time.

In terms of suggestions, I don't really have any big ones; the only real grammatical issue I found was that you said "hold on to" instead of "hold onto", and the word "epitaph" feels a bit out of place but aside from that I loved this piece.

Write on!!

Image




Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Thu Jan 23, 2020 4:17 pm
YOUKNOWWHO says...



This is a very deep poem. You did really well to get your emotions across. I could feel them.




User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 1290
Reviews: 20

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2020 5:38 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hey there @GirlWithATypewriter. I went through your poem and I loved it . I can very well relate to every emotion and pain that you have conveyed here .

You have used some very strong words to express your anger towards the injustice in your life. The way you have despised the universe for treating you like an object of scorn is remarkable , especially the line:
"Yet you've binge-watched my misery like a sit-com through years." gives the best description to what actually happens with most of us.

There was fluency and consistency in your entire poem and you even maintained the rhyme scheme throughout.
Great job!
May God help you in your hard times and bless you with happiness.




User avatar
90 Reviews


Points: 2768
Reviews: 90

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2020 3:30 pm
LZPianoGirl wrote a review...



**My Thoughts**

Hey there! LZ here with a review! I really like this poem. It flows well and it was very easy to read. The subject was also awesome.

**Formatting and Grammar**

As for formatting, it is very clean and neat. I like how the lines get bigger and bigger, than go back to small.

As for grammar, this was fine too! Your a really good writer.

**Punctuation and Capitalization**

For punctuation, this piece was perfect!

For capitalization, it was perfect, too! I liked how you capitalized the beginning of every line. It looks very clean. Maybe you should capitalize universe. It just seems like something you would capitalize.

**Other**

This subject was amazing. I really like this line the best:

Yet you’ve binge-watched my misery like a sit-com through the years.


Is this poem based on your own struggle?

**Quick Review**

Wonderful poem! Maybe capitalize "universe"?

Keep on writing and have a great January!




User avatar
90 Reviews


Points: 2768
Reviews: 90

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2020 3:29 pm
LZPianoGirl says...



(Deleted, meant for it to be a review!)




User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 683
Reviews: 14

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2020 8:06 am
Chris Dixon says...



Do you write book other than poems? Again no offense and again just curious.






I'm not offended, and yeah I've been writing a novella(it's in my portfolio) and haven't updated recently but I will soon. :)



User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 683
Reviews: 14

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:22 am
Chris Dixon says...



Hey there GrilWithATypewriter! I am here to ask. Are you expressing your own opinion or is this just an idea? Just curious, no offense.
I love your peom . Many different sentence all mix togetthor as one, like a salad.
Thank you for writing this, I also fill about the world this way sometimes.






Hey, Chris.
Well, it's not really an opinion as such. I've been going through a very hard time and life just keeps throwing these curve balls at me and I just keep thinking about how the universe keeps messing with my life.
But thanks, I'm glad you liked it! :)




Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won't even know what to do.
— Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, Questionable Content