When my walls cave in, and the days,
They grow dark, and in summer the trees shed,
I take out my brush,
And paint the sky red.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,015 Literary Works • 672,848 Reviews
Messenger here for you!
Happy Review Day riddler!:) I had to go read other comments to get what this was. I think you need to tell people it's a riddle. I thought I was just really out of it if I couldn't understand a four-line poem.
I really think you ought to get rid of most of the commas. This is so. Jerky if. You. Understand what. I mean. That is how it was reading. Every time I started getting into the flow it stopped or slowed down majorly. Maybe make it six lines as well to make it look smoother and more aligned.
Now, I have to say that after I realized it was a sunset, I re-read this and found the words to be beautiful. I mean really, really pretty. The lines about the trees was a cool idea to. I think if I would have paid more attention I would have caught that clue. IT really does give a lot oof help in the riddle. I guess I am just to crazy-hyper-excited-nervous about Review Day. Overall a lovely job.
Keep it up!
I think that this is about sunset, am I correct?
This made the reader think for sure, but I think that your punctuation made it a little difficult to understand.
Perhaps drop a few commas in places and change the words a bit.
"When my walls cave in, and the days
grow dark---"
That kind of thing, get it?
But other than that, I love this, great imagery of painting the sky which I love to use in poetry and just fabulous overall. I like it!
-CFG
Thanks for the review!
And no, this is not really about a sunset. Please see my reply below to comprehend my poem.
I read this five times, puzzled over it, pondered, thought so hard I stroked my chin to a point. It would help if you said it was a puzzle ib the first place. In the end I read the comment below. I think, on reflection, that this is a nice poem, a sort of nature thing, and it creates a good image of a sunset. The only thing I would question is the title, which doesn't seem to fit with my idea of this poem.
Hope This Helps
Take That You Fiend!
God, I'm so bad at this. People don't understand my poems. .-.
The poem is metaphorical. As in,
I'm speaking from the point of view of someone who self-harms.
"When my walls cave in, and the days,
They grow dark, and in summer the trees shed,"
By these lines I meant that, I (the self-harming person) am depressed. It's all supposed to be sadness. Like in summer the trees don't shed. Like that a person who we think to be happy (summer) could be just sad or losing grip on themselves.
"I take out my brush
And paint the sky red."
I think now you'll get these lines. And the sky is skin, btw.
Sorry, if I'm very bad at these and if I am confusing.
Anyway, thanks a lot for the review!
Wow! I never noticed that! Sorry, I am realy bad at picking up metaphors....
You're the sunset.