Paper cranes passed
to me during class.
Paper cranes unlocking
a beautiful friendship.
Paper cranes separated
by an everlasting sea.
Paper cranes that still
stand by the other's side.
Paper cranes made of
only the finest paper.
Paper cranes that
are so humble.
Paper cranes passed
to me during class.
Paper cranes unlocking
a beautiful friendship.
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139,511 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I like this.
The repetition of "paper cranes" could get grating, but I think you make it work fine. I also particularly like the steady progression within the poem.
In any case, the first stanza (and by extension the last as well) is the most polished. The lines flow together really well, and the meter is pretty much perfect. However, I wish you had kept the same rhyming scheme of AABC and the same meter in subsequent stanzas as it would've made the poem more cohesive.
As it stands right now, the second stanza is alright (although the last line is awkward) but the third stanza seems very much out of place. The meter completely switches up, and the flow that you had in the first stanza is completely gone. But, I think one quick and easy fix would be to just remove "yet."
Overall, I enjoyed this. It's somewhat of a simple and peaceful poem.
The next time I fold an origami crane, I'll extend it as token of friendship.
The feel of this poem is one of eating cotton candy and laying on a bed made out of clouds. Well you've got me smiling.
Keep writing.