For those who are unaware, MD stands for Muscular Dystrophy while GBS stands for Guillain-Barre Syndrome.
Your dad called our part of the family to ask for advice;
He told us that you'd been complaining of your legs aching for the past few days.
My dad told your dad that it wasn't a big deal; he told your dad to wave it off.
My dad shouldn't have.
Best friends, forever & always.
Your dad called my dad a mere two days after he called the first time,
informing us that you were in the hospital as they were speaking.
You had fallen down on the playground and couldn't get up, no matter how hard you tried.
You were frightened. That killed me.
Best friends, forever & always.
The doctors had no clue what you had.
How could this happen to you?
You're my cousin, my best toddler friend.
Though you're merely a tyke, you are one of the few that knows the real me best.
Best friends, forever & always.
Later that day, your dad called again.
He told my dad (who told me) that you most likely had MD.
I wilted faster than a flower without water;
I mourned for you.
Best friends, forever & always.
My dad told me that everything was going to be fine with you.
I refused to believe this rubbish;
I was fully aware of the horrid disease known as MD.
No solace emerged from his stinging words.
Best friends, forever & always.
When I went to school the next morning, my mind was completely on you.
Teachers snapped at me for not paying attention;
Classmates took notice of my depressed state.
I couldn't dare focus knowing that my best friend likely had a terminal disease.
Best friends, forever & always.
Suddenly, you were re-diagnosed.
You had GBS.
My godmother had (and still does) it; I was aware of the rare disease.
A mammoth burden lifted itself from my heart.
Best friends, forever & always.
Unfortunately, GBS would remain with you for the rest of your life.
I took great comfort in this;
compared to MD, it was fantastic.
Unlike MD, GBS wasn't going to rob you of a childhood.
We've been through quite a journey so far, but the road hasn't ended yet. Best friends, forever & always.
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139,296 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey there! Back to review the new edits.
Okay, so I really liked what you did to this. You really did a great job of fixing this up and working on it. It was a lot more emotional and sweet and tender.
I do think the last two stanzas could still use a little bit of work, but they are really good. I don't like the parenthesis in the second to last stanza, and the first line of the last stanza was a bit awkward.
Other than that, fantastic job on editing this again. It seems like you must have gotten some really good reviews to help you with this. Nice job!
Hi there ForeverRebel! Nite here again to check out the revisions.
Now, I do like how I now have a lot more details. I'm far less confused as to what's going on. There's also some explanation for how the narrator knows what she knows. There are also some images, such as when he falls on the playground and how the speaker is distracted at school.
However, it now feels more like an essay with line breaks than a poem. It's a fine line to draw between completely confusing the reader and still sounding poetic. Having more images and metaphors could help with this. I would offer suggestions, but I'm having trouble coming up with any that aren't cheesy (e.g. cloud over your head, disease is a monster)
Some artistic license could also help. I'm assuming this is a real story and how you experienced it? If so, then first off, I'm sorry that your family has to deal with this. Secondly, it might be more interesting from a writing standpoint to imagine as if you'd experienced it first-hand. This could allow for more images and less of the passive "I heard this".
Lastly, I understand why you're using abbreviations, but I wonder if using the full names wouldn't be useful. Of course, you'd have to cut down on how often you use them, but the sounds can create an image in the reader's head. Even if I have no clue what muscular dystrophy is, it sounds pretty bad.
I'm sorry if this is very long and not helpful. Overall, there's clearly a compelling story here and I like how you used the refrain. Keep writing!
Hello ForeverRebel!
I liked the repetition of "you're my best friend." It really sent the idea flowing that you did not want to love your best friend. The metaphors were really nice, and you had a strong voice. Yay!
But it some parts it seemed that the flow was a bit off.
Also, some people may not know what "MD" is or "GBS." You may want to expand on what that in the poem.
But all in all, it was a lovely poem!
Keeeep Writing!
Feel free to message me!
~Scandalousphoenix
Hi there ForeverRebel! Niteowl here to give this piece a look-see for Team Inc(red)ibles this fine Review Day!
Now, you have the skeleton of something good here. However, I agree with Cailey that this could have more emotion in it. Personally, I would start at an earlier point, when the symptoms started. Were they playing together when his legs started to feel weak and rubbery, for example?
I'm also a bit confused about the relationship here. Why is "You" capitalized? Typically, that's only done for God, and even then not always. Are they friends? Siblings? Romantically involve (I don't think so but it's possible)?
Another point of confusion is the age of the narrator. The beginning makes her sound younger, with the "honey" and the bargaining, but the end contradicts that. What child knows the prognoses for diseases like MD or GBS? Heck, most non-doctor adults don't know that. It seems like something would have to explained here for the narrator to know what's going on.
To end on a good note, there are some interesting lines here. I especially liked "I wilted faster than a flower without water".
Overall, I think this piece would benefit from expressing more emotions and images and also clearing up confusion about the narrator's age and relationship with the patient. Keep writing!
Very sweet poem, especially since it's a true story. I don't know what it's like to almost lose someone you love to disease, but I heard the sincerity and honesty of your pain behind every word. Great Job! The only mistake I found ( which wasn't really a mistake but could use some tweaking) was when you wrote “My parents, like any good ones." This sort of sound off kilter and odd. That's all I could find with a quick read over. Keep writing!
Hey there, Cailey here to review for you.
I mean, use some more figurative language, use more emotion, more passion. I know that the narrator is writing to a best friend, but give me more. Why is he/she a best friend? What makes them so special? Why will the narrator love them for life? I mean, by the end of a poem I would like to identify with the character, but in this one I don't.
As always, keep writing, and feel free to write on my wall of PM me with any disagreements or questions or comments or anything, really. 
I haven't reviewed anything in ages, so hopefully everything comes out the way I mean it to.
I liked your piece for the most part. I like that it tells a story, and it tells that story clearly and with detail, but not too much. I know what's going on and I know the characters and what they're feeling.
However, I feel like this could use some more emotion. In my opinion, poetry is supposed to be written with the heart, and while I liked the narrative aspect of this, I also wish it had more poeticness. If you'll let me use that as a real word.
On the happier side, I did like some of your choices of diction. I love "mammoth burden" because for one, I love the word burden (don't ask me why) and mammoth is way better than just saying a "big" burden or something like that. I like "I threw myself before God, tearfully", because it paints a picture and a clear image. I also like the wilted flower metaphor and "no solace in his stinging words."
So yeah, overall, good job. Maybe try and get some more emotion, but this is good, I like it.
I loved the emotion in these words. I loved the title, and the metaphors. However, the change in mood was very sudden. It went from deep sorrow to great pleasure in two lines. Making the change less sudden would keep the reader's attention and create the feeling of relief in the reader too. Overall, it's a good story with a lot of potential. Good job.