I loved this line - "and stare at the lava lamps [eachother]?" Nice.
Otherwise, do you really want more praise? I didn't really like the last stanza, it kinda killed the beauty of the two stanzas before it.
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Holy shit dude. this is some powerful writing. is this a rough draft?
the last stanza is the best, whoever said it is not doesn't know anything about poetry.
The fish are a metaphor for him and whoever else, gosh.
And it fucking cuts.
I don't understand the poem, but what i think I do understand from it actually comes from your crummy last stanza. WEAK FROM STRONG MAN!
Ahaha, i got that wrong didn't i?
Yes...yes I did...
Damn it and damn Courtney...
It's not absolutely wonderful, but nice. I like the fact that you mentioned many colors in the poem, it gave more detail.
I really like the last stanza. Good ending.
-Twinkles
I didn't like it. I didn't get it. I found it to be repetitive and boring. The title was good though.
I liked the last stanza, it seemed quite symbolic, an anti-climax to show something has ended. Good description, well delivered.
i thought it was ok but i have to agree with firestarter i didn't really like the last stanza
I'm glad you hit submit. I enjoyed this. My complaint is the abundance of precise color terminology all grouped together. You use non-sequiturs very well.