This feels like the same as your other recent poem, "Living Alone With Green Carpet" ... same subject matter?
Anyway, I thought this fitted very well neatly together. You seemed to have perfect the run-on stanzas particularly well. Personally, though, "I won't pretend/this poem ends cleanly" line was a bit...I don't know. Didn't fit the rest of the poem to me. T'was out of place. But otherwise, I liked.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
I think the last stanza finishes off the poem nicely, like "I'm done talking now, I'm just going to lie here and let you take it all in."
Yours is the first poem I have read on YWS in order to enjoy rather than review.
Very moving poem. What is “chapstick”? I think the last stanza was a trifle confusing. The words are otherwise very well chosen but maybe you could do with a few more punctuation marks to put this poem more clearly.
This sent shivers up my spine, or maybe it's because it's like 65F in the school, but I dunno.
I liked this... it was very very strange though... confusing. But yeah...
The ending seemed rather sad to me, and it cast a certian emptiness in my heart and stomach (breakfast time).
Great job otherwise crazy guy, great job.
How very, awesomely you... Compliments from below.