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E - Everyone

i wish we could go to the stars instead of being defined by them

by FireEyes


we are star-crossed sisyphean lovers;

doomed by the narrative

just when we were about to make it.

people have lost the definition of

“star-crossed” and i think

you have, too.

we aren’t written

with a happy ending in mind.

i must fulfill our destiny

whilst taunted by our paths crossing

for but moments at a time.

***

so much for us being born of the stars.

they’re made of their recycled ancestors and

born from distant predecessors

bound to decay the same way.

we’ve become shooting stars falling from grace

that might be wished upon to turn

our soured fates into favor.

i was supposed to be named after the sun.

i wish i could be that special star

instead of being named after the wisdom

that lets me know

why we can’t reach the end of our story.

***

our stars don’t collide,

they only eclipse millions of miles away.

in another life, we were meant to do more

than just cross paths.

***

even anakin and padme

were written in the stars before

they bore those names.

still, our onlookers will try to salvage us.

in every alternate universe

something is done for me to survive

and keep you from turning,

but they never saw my acceptance

of our star-crossed status

as a love bigger than myself.

attachments will get you scorched

and in your eagerness you would cross

the galaxy for me

only to crash and burn.

like the boy from tatooine did

for her naboo princess.

it’s even in our score:

across the stars.


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Wed Oct 02, 2024 5:58 pm
Gr33kFr3ak says...



This is a beautiful poem- this is my first review, so I hope I'm doing this right- but I hope to see more of your work in the future! It's extremely moving and gives a strong sense of emotion.




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Wed Oct 02, 2024 4:03 pm
KaavyaK wrote a review...



Nice poem written by the author.

Ok so the concept of star knowledge with a pinch of love is really eye catchy and awesome.

"our stars don’t collide,
they only eclipse millions of miles away.
in another life, we were meant to do more
than just cross paths."
The author knows their love is deep but distant, he/she appreciates the fact that their ways did not collide, they did not collide, its just that they crossed their path. But at the same time the author wished that their love could be more than just crossing paths. (Lovely)


"attachments will get you scorched
and in your eagerness you would cross
the galaxy for me
only to crash and burn."
The meaning of these lines is so good and deep, the author wants to convey to his/her loved one that their desperate behavior and the wish to reach would do nothing but harm them in return, 'burn' them in return. But as we all know "Anything and everything is fair in love and war", also "Love knows no bounds".

I think you could work more on the rhyme scheme (Its just a suggestion).

Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.




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Points: 9880
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Wed Oct 02, 2024 4:03 pm
candyhearts wrote a review...



Hai :3

This is so beautiful, I’m obsessed!! The whole star-crossed lovers theme is like totally classic, but you’ve made it feel fresh and intimate in a way that really hits hard!! I love the mix of star-crossed tragedy with the never-ending struggle of Sisyphus; it's like love that's doomed but not in the usual Romeo and Juliet way, more like this exhausting, eternal cycle where you almost get there but never quite. That's such a mood because everyone forgets that star-crossed means doomed!!

I love the celestial imagery as well!! It symbolizes so much ~~ Like, it's deep because it feels like you’re confronting the weight of expectations versus reality. You’re reaching for this idea of being something bright and essential, but there’s this kind of inevitable acceptance that you’re something different, something wise, but maybe not the light you wanted to be. Like, shooting stars look beautiful but are fleeting and burning out, which is a great representation of this poem!!

our stars don’t collide,
they only eclipse millions of miles away.


Oh, the eclipse metaphor is EVERYTHING !!!

The idea of your stars not colliding but only eclipsing, millions of miles away is beautiful!! Like, that sense of distance even in closeness is so bittersweet!! I love how you weave in the "in another life" concept, because it feels so tragically hopeful. It's like there’s an acknowledgment that something bigger could exist, but it doesn’t. It’s painful in the best way, but it's never too much. It’s like love and loss on a grand, universal scale; I think that's something that's very relatable!!

even anakin and padme
were written in the stars before
they bore those names.


I absolutely adore how you connect Anakin and Padmé’s doomed love to your own narrative; it’s such a clever and emotional parallel!! I remember seeing them as the first real "love" I saw on-screen ~~ With that, they were also the first real heartbreak I saw because I was never satisfied with their story. It’s like you’re fully embracing the idea of being doomed, but there’s still something profoundly beautiful in that acceptance, almost like letting go becomes a kind of love in itself.

^^^ Though, yes, the Anakin and Padmé reference is fantastic, but I think it could land even harder if you gave it a little more buildup!! Right now, it comes in towards the end out of nowhere. I wish there was more foreshadowing of this parallel in the first stanzas!! Like, I had a few questions when I read: why is this metaphor in particular being used? What significance does it have? I want those questions to be answered, or at least expanded on more in depth!!

it’s even in our score:
across the stars.


!!! What a great ending!!

This whole poem is like a cosmic heartbreak, but it's so thoughtful and reflective that it feels so much bigger than just two people!! It could represent so many different things. I loved the Anakin and Padmé tie-in too!! That was so clever!! You were speaking directly to my heart with that one. It’s a deeper commentary on the cycle of trying and failing in love. Amazing work here!! ^_^

- Payton





“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu