This is a beautiful poem- this is my first review, so I hope I'm doing this right- but I hope to see more of your work in the future! It's extremely moving and gives a strong sense of emotion.
z
we are star-crossed sisyphean lovers;
doomed by the narrative
just when we were about to make it.
people have lost the definition of
“star-crossed” and i think
you have, too.
we aren’t written
with a happy ending in mind.
i must fulfill our destiny
whilst taunted by our paths crossing
for but moments at a time.
***
so much for us being born of the stars.
they’re made of their recycled ancestors and
born from distant predecessors
bound to decay the same way.
we’ve become shooting stars falling from grace
that might be wished upon to turn
our soured fates into favor.
i was supposed to be named after the sun.
i wish i could be that special star
instead of being named after the wisdom
that lets me know
why we can’t reach the end of our story.
***
our stars don’t collide,
they only eclipse millions of miles away.
in another life, we were meant to do more
than just cross paths.
***
even anakin and padme
were written in the stars before
they bore those names.
still, our onlookers will try to salvage us.
in every alternate universe
something is done for me to survive
and keep you from turning,
but they never saw my acceptance
of our star-crossed status
as a love bigger than myself.
attachments will get you scorched
and in your eagerness you would cross
the galaxy for me
only to crash and burn.
like the boy from tatooine did
for her naboo princess.
it’s even in our score:
across the stars.
This is a beautiful poem- this is my first review, so I hope I'm doing this right- but I hope to see more of your work in the future! It's extremely moving and gives a strong sense of emotion.
Nice poem written by the author.
Ok so the concept of star knowledge with a pinch of love is really eye catchy and awesome.
"our stars don’t collide,
they only eclipse millions of miles away.
in another life, we were meant to do more
than just cross paths."
The author knows their love is deep but distant, he/she appreciates the fact that their ways did not collide, they did not collide, its just that they crossed their path. But at the same time the author wished that their love could be more than just crossing paths. (Lovely)
"attachments will get you scorched
and in your eagerness you would cross
the galaxy for me
only to crash and burn."
The meaning of these lines is so good and deep, the author wants to convey to his/her loved one that their desperate behavior and the wish to reach would do nothing but harm them in return, 'burn' them in return. But as we all know "Anything and everything is fair in love and war", also "Love knows no bounds".
I think you could work more on the rhyme scheme (Its just a suggestion).
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Hai :3
This is so beautiful, I’m obsessed!! The whole star-crossed lovers theme is like totally classic, but you’ve made it feel fresh and intimate in a way that really hits hard!! I love the mix of star-crossed tragedy with the never-ending struggle of Sisyphus; it's like love that's doomed but not in the usual Romeo and Juliet way, more like this exhausting, eternal cycle where you almost get there but never quite. That's such a mood because everyone forgets that star-crossed means doomed!!
I love the celestial imagery as well!! It symbolizes so much ~~ Like, it's deep because it feels like you’re confronting the weight of expectations versus reality. You’re reaching for this idea of being something bright and essential, but there’s this kind of inevitable acceptance that you’re something different, something wise, but maybe not the light you wanted to be. Like, shooting stars look beautiful but are fleeting and burning out, which is a great representation of this poem!!
our stars don’t collide,
they only eclipse millions of miles away.
even anakin and padme
were written in the stars before
they bore those names.
it’s even in our score:
across the stars.
Points: 0
Reviews: 0
Donate