Hey man, This story is really is really good for a fantasy-fiction (better than mine)
"Did we lose 'em, Balasar?" said my companion. "Of course not! Why do you think we're still running?" Dashing through the forest from the Royal Guards with a short goblin wasting your time with useless questions riding your back isn't the easiest thing to do, it's exhausting and shouldn't be happening unless your friend is an idiotic nutjob who thought stealing a hat would better his 'look'. "We have to keep moving, the Clock Town plaza is close," I said. As we approached the town, the Guards were gaining. But I wasn't going to be caught again.
With the magic strums of my lucky lute, I cast a barrier to block them. We enter the town exhausted. "As long as we lay low, we can slip into the inn for a rest," I stated, exhaustedly. "What about the guards, bozo?" says the goblin. "Don't fret, that barrier is unbreakable until I uncast it. I'll hold it 'til morning."
The goblin, Ruut, jumps off my back and walks off. "You get a room, I'll go get supplies for the... ya know?" His signature phrase, 'Ya know?' when Ruut says it really means 'I will go get in trouble again.' I enter the Inn, filled with ruffians and common folk. I'll look like any other traveler.
I ask the bartender where I could rent a room. "Upstairs to the left," I rent the cheapest room there, which looks even worst the lobby and bar combined. I sit in a chair that looks as if it'll... and now it's broken. I sit on the floor trying to vent from the chase.
Anyway, now I have more time to explain, I am Balasar, a draconic bard with a magical lute and an unfortunate relationship with a goblin named Ruut, my fellow prison mate. He got us in the dungeon for thinking he could steal a Royal Guards hat. 'But it would look good on me!' he said. I sit on the rough bedside of the room I got and looked to the night sky. When will I get home? When will I see the day I'm not on the run? I drift off to sleep.
To be continued...
Hey man, This story is really is really good for a fantasy-fiction (better than mine)
Hello, here to review on this fine review day! I will be reviewing all of your novel so far, as I like to continue through the book when I review novels 
**disclaimer: I will most likely focus on negative aspects more so than positive aspects when reviewing, and this is just to help you grow as a writer! It is totally okay not to agree with something I say! Also, If I repeat anything already said, it's probably because it needs to be changed!**
Okay, I'm gonna start off by going through and finding any grammar mistakes.
With the magic strums of my lucky lute, I casted a barrier to block them.
I sit on the rough bedside of the room I got and looked to the night sky.
Dashing through the forest from the Royal Guards with a short goblin wasting your time with useless questions riding your back isn't the easiest thing to do, it's exhausting and shouldn't be happening unless your friend is an idiotic nutjob who thought stealing a hat would better his 'look'.
As we approached the town, the Guards were gaining. But I wasn't going to be caught again.
With the magic strums of my lucky lute, I casted a barrier to block them. We enter the town exhausted.
"As long as we lay low, we can slip into the inn for a rest," I stated, exhaustedly.
With the magic strums of my lucky lute, I casted a barrier to block them. We enter the town exhausted. "As long as we lay low, we can slip into the inn for a rest," I stated, exhaustedly. "What about the guards, bozo?" says the goblin. "Don't fret, that barrier is unbreakable until I uncast it. I'll hold it 'til morning."
Anyway, now I have more time to explain, I am Balasar, a draconic bard with a magical lute and an unfortunate relationship with a goblin named Ruut, my fellow prison mate. He got us in the dungeon for thinking he could steal a Royal Guards hat. 'But it would look good on me!' he said. I sit on the rough bedside of the room I got and looked to the night sky. When will I get home? When will I see the day I'm not on the run? I drift off to sleep.
Hello, friend!
After you told me you were writing a fantasy novel, I knew I had to read it - and I'm glad I did! What a fun way to start your series! I *love* your use of voice in this story; I feel like I'm starting to get Balasar's personality and attitude already! Especially the bit about the chair breaking - it feels like I'm watching it in real time!
Now for the review:
I noticed, as I believe one other reviewer did, that you switch back and forth between past and present tense quite a bit. For me personally, this is very distracting. Sometimes you can make it work when the story is in first person, almost like the narrator is breaking the fourth wall to make a side comment to the audience (like "I hate it when he does that" or "I'm not usually one to cause trouble" for example). In this case however, it really called away from the story.
[Dashing through the forest from the Royal Guards with a short goblin wasting your time with useless questions riding your back isn't the easiest thing to do, it's exhausting and shouldn't be happening unless your friend is an idiotic nutjob who thought stealing a hat would better his 'look'.]
Again, I LOVE your use of voice! This sentence is a run-on though - you could probably break it up with a semicolon instead of a comma: "Dashing through the forest from the Royal Guards with a short goblin on your back wasting your time with useless questions isn't the easiest thing to do; it's exhausting, and shouldn't be happening unless your friend is an idiotic nutjob who thought stealing a hat would better his 'look'." (I also reworded it a bit... The first half was a little chaotic and hard to follow)
["Upstairs to the left,"]
I read PrincessInk's advice about periods at the end of statements, but it's only necessary if you follow the quote with 'I said', 'he stated', 'she replied', etc. If you're not following the quote by identifying the speaker, you can end it with a period. Also don't forget that every new speaker needs a line break!
And that's all I have! Overall it's a really great intro; I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story, and hopefully reading other works from you too!
-Bagel
I have edited this chapter to be more easily processed. Thank you for the advice, and I hope you follow this tale.
Hey. Welcome again to YWS. Let's get right into this review.
I feel like you picked a really good time to start the story. It's always good to throw your readers right into the action. It seems like you've put at least a little thought into the world and your characters. So good job on that.
Now to be honest, this felt a little bit confusing. This was mostly because it was one big block of text. My advice is to start a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking.
The pacing here also felt a little off, especially when they were being chased. I didn't really have time to feel the suspense of the moment. You might try describing how Balasar is feeling at the moment. He might mention that his shoulders are burning from carrying such a heavy weight, or how out of breath he is. (Unless he's really in shape. Then maybe not). My point is you should throw in a detail here and there to slow things down just enough so you can build suspense.
Another thing I noticed was your tense changed halfway through. At first you spoke in past tense, but once Balasar played the lute you switched to present tense.
I'm excited to see where this goes next. I'd like to learn more about these two. I get the feeling there's more to them than meets the eye...
Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing things. Don't feel too pressured to take my advice if you don't like it. I wont be offended.
Hey FantasyWriter76! I've already said welcome, but I don't think I can say that too many times xD
So, interesting! A bard and a goblin on the run together. I'm curious to know how their relationship will unfold. Obviously Balasar knows what he's doing, Ruut...gets into trouble. At least that's my first impression. I imagine that right now, they aren't exactly friends, just companions, but I'm hoping that they can be buddies who rely on each other later on.
The beginning grabbed my interest. It made me wonder from whom they were running from and why. But I think it was the sentence
Dashing through the forest from the Royal Guards with a short goblin wasting your time with useless questions riding your back isn't the easiest thing to do.
"We have to keep moving, the Clock Town plaza is close." I said.
This is just the beginning of the story, if you would like more please comment or review what is currently published.
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