I Hate My Mum

My name is Nathanial Broom and I hate me mam.

I know that might sound odd to you. How can you hate your mother? Well, if you had grown up where I have, Manchester. On a council estate with nothing, absolutely nothing. Not the nothing that you think of, “Oh no I have no fancy laptop and oh no I have no fancy phone or television.” Well, if that’s what you think is nothing; I have something shocking for you. What if you took everything away in your room and left a mattress, that’s what I have. A mattress.

Well, I used to have a mattress, but I was taken away by child services, so now I have a room with Jolly Roger, who I fucking hate more than me mother.

 Keeping on track I decided to write this so people will stop asking me that fucking question: How can you hate your mother? Well, it’s a fucking easy question that you will never ask me again once I tell the world my story.

The story of the forgotten boy.

It started off really like any other day, well, I say any other day. It would probably be hell for you. Me mam was in prison because she was found in a brothel that had been raided by the police, so I was living with me Gran. Who, I hate just as much as me mam (selfish old hag). I woke up with me little sister crying as normal. I tried to tell me Gran to help me with her, but she never did. That meant that obviously I couldn’t go to school. So, me life was kinda fucked up.

I had to fling me tired legs over the mattress and make me way towards Stella’s room. She was only a baby, 2 years old. I had no idea who her dad was, just like I have no idea who my dad was. I picked her up and tried to soothe her, but she wouldn’t shut it. So I made me way downstairs thinking she was hungry.

“Will you tell that child to shut up?” Me gran shouted as I walked into the living room and kitchenette. She was in a wheel-chair. Not that she was actually in a wheel-chair. She was using it for the benefits. In other words she was a con-artist. I ignored her and soothed Stella. I boiled the kettle and went into the cabinet to try and find baby powder. I put Stella on the counter and tried to reach up to the top of the shelves. I finally got it and pulled it down. Opening it, I saw that there is barely anything left. I scooped the rest of it into a baby bottle and poured in the water. I let Stella shake it, she loves to shake it.

Watching Stella out of the corner of me eyes, I walked over to me gran and asked the forbidden question.

“Gran, can I have some money?” She looked at me furiously for a second and threw the telly remote at me.

“How dare you ask me such a question, you ungrateful little shit!”

“I need it for Stella’s baby food. I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”

“You can steal it.”

“Gran, I’ve been arrested twice already for that. One more time and they’ll take me away.”

“Good riddance to ya!” She shouted again.

“But then who will look after Stella? Anyway, mam’s coming home soon. Tomorrow.” She looked at me, her eyes squinted through her glasses.

“Alright then, fine.” She pulled out a fiver and passed it to me. “I want the receipt!”

I nodded at her and went to Stella who had stopped crying and was shaking the baby bottle around. I checked it on me wrist and when I felt it was warm enough, I got out Stella’s pram and took her for a walk around the estate while she had the bottle in her mouth.

I was dying for a cig, but I learned in sex education that you shouldn’t smoke in front of babies. So I left Stella at the corner of the road and turned her so she was facing me. I took a couple of steps back so she couldn’t breathe any of the air in and lit it. I just watched her as she watched me. It’s like she knew what I was doing was wrong, because she looked at me with big sad blue eyes. It made me feel guilty. I never finished the cig.

That night was horrible, because something inside me, anger I suppose, made me feel sick with meself. Like I had done something terribly wrong, and that I was in trouble. I often felt that way, but never that much.

That morning, I got up at 5 so I wasn’t late for me mam coming out of prison. I ran the whole way there and was so excited to see her again. I was hoping she would help with Stella, I was hoping that I could go to school again. It had been over 2 months since I had last gone, and I was lonely. As seven came closer I was almost jumping out me skin and as the gate opened I watched as women came streaming out. Not one of them was me mam.

I stayed there all day and me mam never came out.

When it got dark, at around 9ish I decided to go home. I didn’t want to run into anybody who was going to hurt me, and any later I could of. When I opened the door to the house, me gran turned and asked the most basic question.

“No mam, hey?” She said it with a cruel smirk and when I asked her where Stella was she smiled again. In a panic I ran around the house looking for her, she wasn’t in her room, in the living room, kitchenette. Nowhere. I went over to gran and grasped her by the jumper. She started to scream, but I was so worried about Stella I didn’t care.

“Where is she?” I yelled, me gran yelped like a wounded puppy and then pointed towards the doors leading into the garden. I quickly shot up and opened the door to find Stella on the floor, crying her big eyes out. I quickly picked her up, her rosy skin was peeling from the cold and she was freezing. I hastily got her into the house, shut the door and wrapped her around me jumper. “How long has she been out there?” I yelled looking at gran but she said nothing and carried on watching the telly.

That night Stella was crying again, and I got out of bed. I walked sleepily over to her room but the door wouldn’t unlock. I started to bang on the door furiously but it wouldn’t budge open. I turned when I heard a door open behind me and I saw gran’s smiling face.

“That’s what ya get when ya mess with ya old gran!” She then slammed her door shut. She had done it, she had locked the door so I couldn’t get in to Stella. Too angry to comprehend I ran towards her door and tried to kick it open, nothing would work. I screamed out in frustration and I heard me gran yell, “I’ll call the police if ya keep this up.” I knew she would so I turned towards Stella’s door. Me screaming had made it worse for her so she was crying even louder. I just slid to the floor and hoped she would calm down, but she wouldn’t. I started to cry meself, hearing me sister in so much pain like that. That evil old cow had it in for her.

I woke up with a kick in the groin. The pain radiated and I yelled out in turmoil. Me gran just sat above me and grinned. I had fallen to sleep on the door of Stella’s room and the evil cow had finally opened it. I got up painfully and went over to Stella who then began to cry again. She had obviously not slept that night. I soothed her for a while, fed her and then put her back to bed, knowing she was tired.

On account of me mam I made my way towards the brothel wondering if she had left prison early and had gone to work, just to get set up for me and Stella. I looked at one of the prossies I recognised and asked her if she knew me mam. She asked her name, and I answered.  She nodded.

“Yeah, I know Melissa Broom. Selfish slut. Got out of prison early for good behaviour.” Me heart skipped a beat and I asked her if she knew where she had gone.

“Nah, I don’t know exactly. What I do know is that she was talking about Burnley.”

I thanked her and ran home. I ran up to Stella’s room and was almost filled with gratitude when I saw her laying they're safe. I pushed her cot out of her room and into mine, that way the evil cow couldn’t do anything.

That morning, I went to the next door neighbour who was an alright person. She was a nurse, about 34 without any kids. 

“Cary! I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if I could ask for a favour.” She looked at me for a second and looked sad. I was carrying Stella and probably smelt seen as the fact I hadn’t had a shower in over a week.

“Yes, of course Nate. What is it?”

“Could you drive me to Burnley? I’m trying to find me mam.”

“I thought ya mam wasn’t out of prison yet?”

“Early because of good behaviour.” I said it with pride at the time. Cary nodded.

“Does she know you’re coming?” She asked. I quickly lied.

“Yeah, course.”

“Alright then."

She drove me there and I sat Stella on me lap. She let me out at the city centre. One of me brothers lived in Burnley, so I knew the area quiet well. I went over to the estate on the left and knocked on door 33, with Stella in me arms me brothers eyes widened.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He demanded.

“I’m trying to find mam. You’re the only family I know in Burnley and someone told me she came here.”

“Let’s get this straight kid, I’m not your family. I have no obligation to you at all.”

“We have the same mam!” I said.

“Yeah, and so does the whole of Burnley estate. What do you want?”

“Just to stay here, maximum of 2 days. Please John, I’m begging.” John looked at me like I was something that he’d steeped in.

“Fine but 2 days and you’re out!"

After an hour I asked John the question that had been burning inside of me.

“Do you know where the nearest Brothel is?” John looked murderous.

“What would make you think I know where the Brothel is?” He demanded defensively going red.

“Please, I think mam is there.” John looked at me patiently for a second and put Stella on the coach. He went over to the window and pushed it open.

“Over there, next to the paki shop.” He looked at me with a hint of curiosity. “Why’d you want to find mam anyway?”

“So I can live with her again, go to school. Go home.” John snorted but didn’t say anything else.

“What?” I asked him.

“Come on Nate. She’s unstable! Remember when she tried to burn Carl one winter because the heating was out? For fuck sake Nate, she used to beat you. You ended up in hospital once!”

“She’s still me mam.” I had answered defensively.

I ran all the way to the Brothel and felt nervous as I stepped inside. All the prossies looked at me but didn’t say anything. They didn’t want anything to do with an underage kid. I walked over to one of them and she looked at me agitatedly.

“What’d you want? A little young don’tcha think?”

“No. I don’t want sex. I want me mam. Her name is Mellissa Broom. Do you know her?” A couple of the girls laughed.

“Mellissa fucking broom has kids? Wow. Get lost kid.” She said. I was quickly thrown out by one of the more manly looking ladies and was left on the floor outside. I sat looking at the Brothel for a long time until someone came out. She looked small, like a hamster, her ginger hair framing her face.

“Get lost kid.” She said sadly. “You’re scaring away the customers.”

“Please. Please.” I pleaded. “Please help me get to me mam. You know her don’t you?” She looked down at me.

“Mellissa Broom right? Meet me here at 11o’clock and I’ll take ya to ya mam alright. Just please get lost. I need this job.” I nodded and thanked her.

At 11 o’clock I met hamster girl outside the brothel, when she saw me she looked surprised.

“What’s with the even smaller kid?” She asked. I looked down at Stella who was nodding off in me arms.

“It’s me sister, Stella.” Hamster girl nodded and I followed her to some council flats.

“Floor 5, room 999 and please don’t tell ya mam I brought you here. She will get mad at me and like I said before, I need this job.”

If I had known what I knew now, I would have legged it back to me brother’s house and would have called Cary to pick me up. Unfortunately, I climbed the graffiti ridden stairs until I hit floor five and found room 999. I knocked on the door which had ‘slut’ written across it.

Me mam looked surprised when she opened the door, but she hid it well.

“Nate, Stella! Oh, how lovely it is to see you! Come in, come in.” When I got in I jumped on her with a hug.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were out mam?” I asked, she sat me down on the gray broken couch and smiled sadly.

“I wanted to make the place nice for me babies! How’s Stella?” She asked reaching forward and taking her into her arms. Stella started to cry, and I should have seen it as a sign, but no. I thought Stella just wasn’t used to her. Me mam grimaced and gave Stella back to me with a fake smile.

“I’ve been clean for 6 months now.” She said with a grin full of pride.

“Wow mam, well done.” I took Stella back and sat her on my lap. Me mam brought out a cig and let it. “Er, mam, I don’t like people smoking in front of Stella, it can make babies sick.”

“No it can’t, that’s what the big guys tell ya so you’ll stop smoking so they can.” I smiled meekly and held Stella closer to me. Something was wrong, I felt it.

“Ma? Can, can we come home now? Me and Stella, can we live with you again?” Mam looked panicked, and something inside me wished I had never said that.

“Yeah, course baby. Would you like a drink?” I nodded and me mam left the flat and locked the door. Read that sentence again; Me mam left the flat and locked the door.

I knew what was going to happen, she was going to get the filth. I started to cry as I sat in the flat, I couldn’t help it. I felt so betrayed, so angry. I held Stella closer to me and whispered in her ear.

‘Everything is going to be okay. I won’t let them split us up. I won’t’ Stella started to cry as well and brought one of her chubby hands to wipe away one of my tears.

When mam opened the door, the filth stood there in their uniforms and me mam looked down at me, her eyes filling.

“The police want to take you away Nate.” I shook my head, tears spilling onto the floor.

“No. You want them to take me away.”

“I don’t want you Nate, for fucks sake! I hate you! I want you out of my life, I never wanted you to come back and bring that thing with you! You made me do what I do. I would have made something with my life if it wasn’t for you! I fucking hate you, now leave!”

“That thing is you’re only daughter, that thing is my sister!” I shouted, the filth suddenly came in and tried to take Stella off me. She burst into tears and grasped my t-shirt trying to hold onto me. I grasped her tightly and kicked the filth. They were too strong for me though, and took Stella off me. I tried to gasp Stella but I felt someone hit me from behind. Me mam got me to the floor.

“He’s out of control.” She told the filth. “Always has been, completely out of control.” She was talking about me. I wrestled my way from the floor and punched one of the filth in the face. I ran towards the filth that had my sister in his arms and screamed at him to stop.

I  was suddenly tackled to the floor by ma mam who hit me across the face causing a nose bleed.

“I hate you! You have destroyed me!” She screamed shaking my shoulders violently. My head just banged against the floor until the darkness engulfed me and I was unconscious.