Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Inna was sitting on the bed inside her cell, staring at the officers walking back and forth in the hallway. She grabbed one of the magazines she had sitting on the edge of her bed, opening it slowly to read the ridiculous articles that paparazzi have been writing about. She noticed one of the officers walking with an inmate she has known since she got placed in. The officer opened the cell door, letting the inmate walk inside.
“Hey, Inna.”
“Hey, Melaoe.”
Melaoe sat beside Inna, placing her arm around Inna.
“What the hell are you doing…?” Inna glared at her.
“Just wanted to talk to my favorite girl.”
“Get your hand off of me, Pibes.”
Melaoe Pibes. Your typical lesbian inmate. Melaoe had caramel skin; half of her thick, black hair was shaved off, leaving the rest on her left side of her head. Her eyes were brown as chocolate. She seemed to have a huge interest in Inna, even though Inna is straight.
“But I like you, Inna.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
Inna kept reading her magazine as Melaoe stood up and walked over to her bunk. “I saw you with that new guy today. What was his name again? Laa…. Ledan?”
“I guess so.”
“ I wondered what he did to get in here.”
“Beats me.”
Melaoe looked at Inna. “Does he know?”
Inna stopped reading, placing her magazine back in her bunk.
“Know what?”
“You know… ‘that’.”
Inna knew what she was talking about, but Inna couldn’t bring to herself to bring up what Melaoe had meant.
Both girls turned as they heard the clinking on the cell bars. An officer stood on the other side, opening the cell door.
“Come on, ladies. Shower time.”
End of chapter
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137,583 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
Hey Kanome! Danni here for a review!
First off, this was pretty short, but that's a very ironical comment coming from me, as I do this all the time.
Second off, WOW THE SUSPENSE. I am really excited to find out what the 'that' is that Melaoe
meant. Really great work there! Keeps your readers on the edge of their seats.
That's all for now! Keep up the good work!
Danni
Chapter 4.5. Awesome. more for me to read!
Three words of officers in a paragraph, try to search up the synonyms for it. Change to a warden, or a grumpy man in blue uniform, or a man that would describe as a fat batman in blue (comical).
Your typical lesbian cellmate... Was it such typical? I know there are usually a nosy cheerful daredevil and would not pass up a chance to be a wrecker or mischievous at any given chance.
There is a short sneak peek! It makes me anticipate what is exactly that "thing" is. Inna, What are you hiding?!?!?
So, the next is Chapter five. Pretty sure there is no Chapter 4.75. Just joking.
Tag me in Chapter 6! Kanome, see you when I see you. Looking forward to it!
I will tag you when I update it c:
Guess what! I am here for a review.
JK!
I am so so so so so sorry for being late. The internet isn't working at my place so I had to write all this on my phone and submit it - and believe me, it is painful to type all on such a small screen.
Well, without wasting any further time, I am gonna start talking about the story. Soooo, here I go!
Well, it was, as always, just nearly perfect. I am your fan so you can expect me to say all the nice words to you in every review of mine for you. And hey! My brother is also reading this story and he's loving it as much I am loving it. The flow and everything is just perfect.
This one thing, of making the chapters small and reader friendly, is such an amazing idea! I don't understand why no one else, on here, follows your ways of doing things. (Guess they are just blind or too busy to see what the best is!)
And hey! Why's Inna so mad all the time?
It was superb. Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep writing. You are just awesome!
...and I am back to review Chapter 4.5! This chapter was pretty short, so I don't think I'd have that much to say, nevertheless, let's begin.
You know, with you naming Inna's cellmate and all, I wonder if she's going to be part of the main cast, especially since she knows something about Inna that other prisoners probably don't know of. Something tells me that she'll slip the secret one day or maybe hint it out to Ledan. I don't know why, but it's a gut feeling I have. Maybe it's because of how evasive Inna seems to be about the topic?
Anyway, I don't think I spot that much things I want to point out. I believe the only thing bothering me right now is the use of the word "officer" in the first paragraph. You've used it thrice in fairly close proximity, so I suggest that you mix it up a bit, maybe call him warden or so sometimes.
Well, that's about it for this review. Keep it up with the improvement, Kanome.