Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Chapter Four -
Ledan stared at Jay with his hazel flickering against the lights that were above the ceiling. All Jay could do was smile at him, his dark, red eyes staring into his.
“What were you thinking about?” Jay questioned Ledan. He seemed interested in Ledan, for some strange reason. Ledan kept his mouth shut about his thoughts.
“It’s not important.”
“You’re strange.” Inna spoke softly, staring at Ledan from the side. Ledan looked at the girl, seeing that she was short for her age. She seemed like that she is around Ledan’s age, maybe a little bit older. Her long, brown hair was tied up in a bun on the top her head, exposing her tattoo of a black rabbit on the right side of her neck. Ledan kept staring at her. Something about her didn’t seem right. Not right at all.
“Inna… right?”
“Yeah.” Inna spoke once again, walking past Ledan as she headed towards where the group of prisoners was getting their tray of food for the afternoon.
Ledan can’t begin to imagine why Inna was placed in prison. She didn’t seem like the type to commit crimes.
“You got the hots for her?” Jay smirked.
“That’s not it!” Ledan’s face flushed pure red as he looked away from the small girl. “She just doesn’t look like the criminal type, that’s all…”
“Well, looks can be deceiving.” Jay patted Ledan’s back as they started walk towards the food line.
“I guess so…” Ledan was curious about her. Why is she here? What was her crime? What made her commit that crime? Questions like that.
“What happened to that other person?”
Jay looked at him as they both sat at one of the cafeteria tables. “Ah, Tarriem. He headed back to his cell. Sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn’t.”
Ledan never thought that he would nice people inside of a prison. What happened with these strangers? What made them come in such a place like this? All these questions boggled Ledan’s mind.
“Go ahead, eat.”
Ledan nodded as he looked down at his tray. There were two pieces of freshly baked chicken with lumpy mash potatos and white country gravy, coming with a side of canned corn.
“This food… actually looks edible.”
“Yeah, the chef must be in a good mood today. She’s also a prisoner like us, but the Warden let her work in the kitchen, since cooking is one of her best qualities.”
“What’s this chef’s name…?”
“Well, her name i-“
Ledan noticed a tall woman standing behind Jay. Her short, black hair pulled back by hairpins while wearing a chef’s jacket underneath her uniform.
“Telling people about me again, Jay?” She spoke softly, letting out her Southern accent.
“Ah. Yaie.”
“Yaie…” Ledan said her name as he stood up quickly, looking straight at her. “Your food looks really delicious!”
Everyone just paused. Ledan’s face flushed red once again, sitting back down at his seat.
The silence broke as soon as Yaie let out a small chuckle. “That’s the first time someone ever complimented my food here.”
“…”
“What’s your name, boy?”
“It’s Ledan…”
“Well, nice to meet ya, Ledan. Yaie Napple is my name.”
Ledan nodded as he started to take a bite of his chicken.
He thought to himself.
Jay, Yaie, Tarriem, Inna… all such nice people, but yet… what made them come in here? A place like this?
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Life Without Regrets [Chapter 4.5]Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,143 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Chapter four, then I can completely connect to what Chapter five was all about.
Jay took a notice on Ledan for an unknown reason.
Inna seems out of place to Ledan for an unknown reason.
He starts questioning how some good people can end up at a place like this
Too much oddness, questions and weirdness at a scene.
And the food seems to be more edible and healthy than third world countries cafeteria free food. Hrmmmmmm... Is this really a prison or just a facade to hold some talent people funded by private agents. Ohhh, stranger things fan alert.
First time complimented. How high was the food standard to the other prisoners? hahaha
Yaie Napple, such cute name!
Ending on point!
Oh, hey Kanome! Happy Review Day. I see that you've updated this novel, so I'll try to review both chapters within the day (and maybe even within the hour
). That said, let's get started.
I still like how you're letting us into Ledan's head. Things get interesting that way for me because as you've stated in the previous chapters, he doesn't really know himself whether or not he did commit the crime (please excuse me if I'm wrong, since I'm mostly basing this on memory), so it's possible that we're seeing prison from the eyes of an innocent guy. Aside from that, I like how you portray the inmates as approachable people! I think that oftentimes when we think of jail, we think of people who are cold-blooded and such, but in this piece we're reminded that they're also people who like to socialize and look out for their fellow mates. Also, man, Ledan can be awkward at the right times! That part with Yaie was undeniably cute. Dropping small stuff as these makes the character feel more real -- more human so to speak, so thank you for that.
Praise aside for now, let me get started on the criticism. You seem to have improved now compared to before from what I remember, but there are still some parts that strike me as awkward. I'll list them down for you.
"Stared at Jay with his hazel" isn't really clicking for me. I don't recall what eye color Ledan has, but I think you meant to describe his eyes. This kind of took me out for a while, and that's not good since it's the first sentence to the chapter, so kindly edit sentence this to make it clearer.
This made the part it was in feel choppy, and aside from that, the sentence itself doesn't appear complete. I suggest you add more to it, something like, "Questions like that circled his mind..." or so. It doesn't have to be like that, but you get the idea.
Well, I think that's about all I've spotted. Overall, the piece continues to be amusing, and with a bit of proofreading, it'll be even better. Good luck and keep writing! Please ping me when you post updates so that I'd be able to follow the novel. Cheers!
Want a review? I bet you do! haha
Well, as you know, I am following a couple of your novels and this is one of it. So let's talk about this particular chapter.
It was really good. The flow is totally natural and the depth and beauty of your writing makes it so easy to understand and feel like I am literally in the story. Well done on this really cool work of yours.
As I already said, the title is really good and attracted the reader to write what you've written.
Also, one really cool feature of your chapters (Which no one else has) is that they aren't too long. Your ones are of the perfect size. Although this one was a little bit longer than the previous ones, it was still not that long.
I love the suspense being created and the ending was totally amazing. I just can't wait to read the next chapter! (Hope it will be around soon!)
Good luck and I loveeeeeeeeeeee your writing. Keep writing
Hey,
It was very interesting and I enjoyed reading it! 
haha so thanks...
Here for a review, I hope this is helpful but I really didnt find much here that needed correcting...
Ledan never thought that he would nice people inside of a prison. This doesnt sound right... maybe "he would *find* nice people" ? Im not sure exactly what you were shooting for there but what IS there doesnt sound right...
omplimented my food here.”
“…”
“What’s your name, boy?” Not sure what that middle part is.... but take a look at that...
Other then that sounds perfect, kinda an interesting story line here... I know Im coming in on the middle of something here but I liked it a lot. And actually it gave me an idea for something Ive been trying to work through in one of my books.
Have a great day!!!