Zinamide, Folica, Boliver and Husk rushed upstairs. They saw Selenile crouching inside the room that was still dark due to closed window smeared with dust---the dust making the glass almost opaque.
Theh went inside the room and saw that was something written by placing the finger on the dirt and making letters out of it. It read in block letters and small font:
"Save me from Boliver"
Selenile stood up and looked at Boliver. She raised her eyebrow and asked him what was all that.
"Ma'am, I don't know---i I have not dd-done anything, ma'am."
"Tell this all in the court now," Zinamide handcuffed Boliver and dragged him along upto their white car.
"Thank you so much, Husk. You acted like a responsible dweller of this little town. Good. Everyone should be like you."
"Y-yes ma'am," Husk removed a handkerchief and wiped the sweat away. He was thinking about what he was supposed to do next.
Selenile got in the car, Folica was on the driver seat and Zinamide was sitting on the last seat with Boliver handcuffed.
"Sir, I am telling you, I am not the murderer. Adam was a friend of mine and we were supposed to meet here for playing cards and having some drinks "
"But then why has your friend written 'Savs me from Boliver'?"
"Sir, I---i don't know, but it is possible that someone is trying to trap me."
"Who will trap you and why? Tell me the address of your office. Till then you'll be under vigilance. We won't punish you or beat you till we know the truth. But since it was your name written, we don't want you to run away or kill someone else in the meanwhile, or go in the office and teach them what is to be hidden or what is to be said if we go there."
"No, sir, I am Innocent in this crime!"
"We will decide that."
Boliver was restless and anxious. "Someone is trying to trap me." He thought to himself, "Ah. And I am so helpless."
Boliver was taken to the custody.
The three police officers first went to Boliver' office.
"We are from Crime Investigation Department, CID. Whatever we ask, tell the right answers to it. No body will try to lie or they will be put in the jail for trying to hide the crime." Zinamide announced in the office. Everyone gathered together in front of the officers.
"CID?"
"CID!"
"What must have happened?"
"Why are they at our office?"
The crowd of 25 employees were muttering together.
"Silence, silence! Tell us everything about your Boss, Boliver," said Folica.
"Boliver Sir, he was very strict and nobody was happy with him."
"Do you know this man?" Selenile showed the photograph of Adam's corpse to everyone.
"No"
"No"
"No we don't know." The crowd made a murmur again. But a sweeper boy standing last was looking shocked at the photograph.
"You--yes you! You know this man? Tell us the truth. No need to hide anything." Selenile called out to him.
The sweeper boy replied, "Y--yyes ma'am. This is Adam."
"I am here since the company was started and Boliver Sir started disliking Adam from the day when Adam came to the office. He was carrying a wedding invitation. Boliver sir asked me to bring tea for both of them. When I went inside I saw that Boliver and Adam were quarreling. Boliver sir screamed at me and I came outside again."
Selenile frowned, "You heard something? Like why were they quarreling?"
"No, ma'am. I didn't understand why were they quarreling, and I didn't try to find out also. But yes, Adam's wife can tell you something."
"Ok, tell us the address," Folica noted down the address.
All of them went to Adam's home, where his wife was pacing across the hall. The door bell rang and she opened the door. She was wearing soft green saree and she looked pretty with perfect curves and slim body.
"Miami?"
"Yes, I'm Miami."
"Ah--Ma'am we are from CID," Zinamide informed her. She welcomed them to her posh and spacious home.
"Ma'am, we have a---bad news," Selenile told her with politeness and grave seriousness.
"What happened?" Miami looked at them with anxiety.
"Ma'am, your husband, Adam," Folica gathered some courage.
"Where is he? I am waiting for him since last night! He told me he was going to meet Boliver and play cards. He hasn't arrived yet. His phone is also showing switched off!"
"Ma'am, Adam is no more. Someone has murdered him. We suspect it is Boliver who has murdered him." Folica finally said it.
"What!" Miami was about to faint. She broke into tears and cried a lot. Folica and Selenile tried to calm her down.
Miami said sobbing, "Boliver has not forgotten that incident?"
"Which incident?" Zinamide asked.
"In our college days, Boliver and Adam were my friends. I liked Boliver and he liked me too. That was the time when Boliver was handsome. He was thin and attractive. Though he was not fair, he was so attractive," Miami was lost in thoughts as she remembered those days. She continued, "One day, while he was locking his books in the locker, I was secretly watching him. He noticed it and enthusiastically came closer to me. I couldn't move my eyes away from his lips and we kissed each other. We came in relationship with each other. Adam never knew about our relationship. Though I was in relationship with Boliver, by the time we reached final year, I started developing feelings for Adam. I felt that what was between me and Boliver was just infatuation. It was just attraction and not love. Adam started loving me too and we ended up marrying each other. But Boliver never understood it was simple attraction and not love. When that day Adam went to Boliver's office, they had an intense quarrel because Boliver always thought, Adam cheated on him by tricking me in his love. He never understood that we were teens then and were overpowered with lust rather than love. At least that was the case with me."
"Okay. Boliver didn't like you getting married with Adam and that reason was enough for him to kill Adam."
Boliver is completely helpless. Will he be able to come out of jail safely? How will Mafia get caught? It looks like a PERFECT CRIME.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hey Eros, all caught up finally! Let's go over some things
1. I would highly recommend looking up the legal procedures for how arresting someone works, and what all the legality of it looks like. As is, it sounds a little bit too informal. For instance, you say
That is not arrest. That would be something like house arrest, or being on bail, where you are not in jail, but you are not allowed to leave your nearby vicinity. Also, these are cops who apparently think Boliver is a murderer. They would not be saying things like "we won't punish you over the head." They would not like this guy at all. Some of your other dialogue just comes across as a little clunky but again, unless I'm wrong your English isn't your first language so that makes sense.
2. I don't even know that Boliver would be arrested here. Husk saw him over the body, presumably right after he walked in. Words on a window would actually either reveal DNA from Mafia or if he wore gloves, no evidence of Boliver being the culprit. They don't know about the love triangle at that point, so they do not have much to go on.
3. The bit about going to Boliver's work was soooooo fast. Slow us down. I personally was hoping for some scenes in the cop car. MAybe let us see what is running through Boliver's mind as he is thrown in the cop car. After all, most people haven't been arrested before if they aren't a consistent criminal. I would be a little bit freaking out, but also, if there was no proof (as there is here) I would be trying to reason with the cops.
4. I did like the bit with Miami. (as a side note, you describe her, and when she is talking, she describes Boliver by physical attributes -height, weight, skin tone- but I would suggest trying to explain it in other ways. For Miami describing Boliver that may make some sense, because after all she was infatuated with him, but as a whole, when the cops open the door would the first thing they notice be her figure, OR the worry lines on her face and the tremble in her lip) I think you should cut up that big paragraph. Divide it where the quotations stop. It helps us as readers to kind of take it in piece by piece. Bite by bite instead of eating the whole sandwich in one gulp yknow?
That being said, while the initial thought of "Oh, that's an obvious reason for Boliver to kill Adam because they both loved Miami, but Boliver lost" most murders of passion happen in a fit of rage, not pre-meditated murder which this clearly looks like. (and on that note, if Adam wrote on the glass window, why was his body found on the main floor with no signs of a struggle between him and Boliver?) Just something to think through.
Let me know when the next part comes out if you want me to keep reviewing xD
~Messy
The way Mafia is trapping Boliver for the murder here is absolutely brilliant, flawless even. It seems like he could never be touched. There are a few sections where things seem to be worded a little clunkily again. Instead of "Theh went inside the room and saw that was something written by placing the finger on the dirt and making letters out of it." perhaps try "They went inside the room and saw there was something written in the dirt, seemingly done by fingers. ". Also perhaps change " But since it was your name written, we don't want you to run away or kill someone else in the meanwhile, or go in the office and teach them what is to be hidden or what is to be said if we go there." to" But since it was your name written, we don't want you to run away, murder someone else or go into the office to hide the crime by creating a false story. ". I am looking forward to another chapter which I hope is on the way.
Yeah, I think your lines sound better and smoother than mine ...I will definitely edit the part... Thank you so much again!
Great one eros. Enjoying it...
As per my opinion, it's going really well... And the way boliver is suspected and the evidence are all going against him... I have some question about Adam and boliver like if he didn't like him then why would they meet and play cards. So much to know... I am getting curious... And I think mafia is playing really well.
The story is going great....all the best...
Actually though Boliver didn't like Adam and had a quarrel too, but he wanted to catch up with him because he didn't want to lose friendship with him just Because of Miami.
Okay, ita interesting by the way...eros.... Great work update soon