Over the next semester of school, Miranda and Hayden grew closer to each other. They went out to the movies, the ice skating rink, the mall, you name it, they did it. Miranda was so happy to be with him, and she was sure he felt the same. One day, Hayden asked her to meet at the same place they always did at school.
“So, what’d you bring me out here for?”
Miranda asked, looking at Hayden. His eyes were a deep blue color. He looked down and sighed heavily. This worried the girl. Hayden wasn’t usually so upset like this. He looked at her square in the eyes and said five words that shattered her heart to pieces.
“I want to break up…”
“Wha-…?”
Miranda felt her heart drop and break, the pieces scattered around on the ground. She looked at him with confused eyes. She didn’t understand. What had she done?
“Why…?”
Hayden took a deep breath and sighed before mumbling five more words that broke her even more.
“I don’t love you anymore…”
Miranda felt tears begin to fall down her face. Hayden looked at her and bit his lower lip. He looked down, as if considering something, then began to speak again.
“Look, Miranda, I don’t wa-”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence before Miranda slapped him across the cheek with every amount of force in her body. She trembled and looked down. The girl began to spit out words, and Hayden took every single one.
“I trusted you?! And you just suddenly stop loving me?! What happened to loving me?! What happened to being unable to live without me?! What happened to those happy memories we have?! What happened to it all?! You liar! You scum! You heartbreaker! How could you?! You knew this relationship meant everything to me! You knew I love you! Was it just a joke?! Was the idea to give me a taste of love and happiness just to rip it away from me?! You’re despicable! I hate you!”
Hayden didn’t even get a chance to answer. Miranda stormed off, feeling broken. Like her world rose and failed to survive. Hayden didn’t chase after her. He just sat there on the ground, his hand over his red cheek. It took him a few minutes to fully process what Miranda had said, and by the time he processed it, it was too late to react. Hayden had lost her. Forever.
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Hey guys! So, I'm updating two chapters today, because I want to move the story along quickly, so I can start to add more chapters that I haven't written yet. Thank you guys for reading!
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140,221 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
why would you brake my heart like that.
they where so good together. your really good at expressing their feelings.
i really like they way you write. i really injoy your chapters.
i shiped them so hared and now its over. cant wait it see what you have for us next.
dont get me wrong i really like the punch tho. not her hitting him but her expesing how she feels . was not expecting that. it trow me for a loop.
i hope we find out why he broke up with her. keep up the good work.
I was shipping them so much before this 😓 Also i liked it how Miranda slappd Hayden
I really loved the punch (not literally punch, more punch in her personality) Miranda had in this one. I hope in the later chapters we get to know the real reason or a better explanation of why he broke up with Miranda. I love the way at the end you broke up the test to make the effect set in of how Hayden has lost her for good. I feel like you could develop what you were saying in the last paragraph about Miranda's world riding and falling a bit more so it makes a bit more sense and doesn't feel a bit out of place as a not very successful attempt to describe the way Miranda was feeling and how her life was changed.
What really was the star of this chapter for me was when Miranda was yelling at Hayden. I love the way you wrote her so she didn't hold back at all and just completely let Hayden have it. The way you broke up her dialogue to to have her yelling at him shows the realistic impromptu she had spoke. You could really feel the betrayal and sadness Miranda was feeling as she was yelling at Hayden.
I really enjoyed this chapter, I think it's my favorite so far! Cant wait to read more of this story!
Hey there, Che here for a quick review.
Sorry it took me so long to getting round to review this third part but I'm finally here
Firstly, I really wish you didn't keep skipping forward in time as rather than you telling me that they grew closer, It would be so much better if you showed me how the grew closer. Again, I really think you should play around with emotions and how people feel rather than just telling me what is going on. I still don't really have much of a sense of their personalities. I would really advise not to rush writing these, but instead take a few days per each chapter and draw it out, and have long detailed chapters rather than short ones.
I really wish you went into more detail about why they broke up. Surely it is just more than Hayden not loving her anymore?
That being said, this is still a very sweet highschool story. I can really imagine it being a film.
I liked Miranda's explosive rant to Hayden, it felt realistic and like a rush of emotions- the kind of emotions you should try and fit in throughout the story!
Keep writing!
- Che
Katnes here with a review This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel seem bad. But be warned you may feel offended anyway.
Nit Picks & Grammar
You're all good here.
Style & More
Okay, I have a confession-I don't care for for teenage, school romance, stories-Not that I hate them-I just don't like them. They are always the same, and they are always predictable...and to me, they are just...meaningless. All of that aside, you did handle it in an...interesting way, however I did notice something-at times you tend to tell more often then you show-Take this paragraph for instance
Can you show us, how they grew closer together? Go in to more detail what they did-for example what was their experience shopping at the mall? What did that mall look like? What did they say? Thinks like that. And I'd like to know what thoughts were going through Haydens mind, and or Mirandas.
Other then that, you did fine. Keep it up!
Katnes Out.
Ok, thank you for the review! I'll be sure to keep this in mind.
Your welcome. Any time.