Hayden stood before Miranda, his best friend since he had moved to this town a year ago. He looked down at the ground. They were standing behind the school after school hours. He had rosy cheeks, his eyes shifting to a bright yellow color. Miranda stared at him, confused. She sighed and gave him a small smile.
“So, what’d you bring me out here for?”
Hayden looked at Miranda, at her beautiful blue eyes, then looked down again. He rubbed the back of his neck shyly and tried to get the words out of his mouth. This was much more difficult than he thought it would be. He flinched and smiled when he remembered that he had a back-up plan. He reached into his binder and pulled out a small envelope. His blush deepened as he held it out to Miranda, who took it gently. She studied the envelope for a moment before opening it. It was a white envelope, the name “Miranda Kindle” scribbled neatly onto the back in Hayden’s somewhat-messy, but readable handwriting. She opened it carefully, trying not to rip the paper too much. Inside, was a white card made of cardstock. She removed it. On the front, it read-
”Read Carefully.”
Hayden looked like a nervous wreck, chewing his lower lip, tapping his foot, and fidgeting. Miranda opened the card, slowly reading what it said inside.
”If you’re reading this, it likely means that I chickened out on saying what I wanted to say.”
She smiled and laughed lightly at the line before continuing.
”So, I wrote everything down just in case I got too nervous to say it. Miranda Kindle… I’ve had a crush on you for a long time now… I think I fell in love the moment I laid eyes on you… The moment I got to know you… The moment I found out just how amazing you truly are. So… I wanted to ask if you want to go out on a date. Something simple, like a trip to the café or movies. Just somewhere to have fun and see if a romantic relationship between us is possible. What do you say?”
Miranda blushed a bright red and hid her face behind the card. Hayden hoped that this was a good reaction, looking at the back of the card hopefully. Miranda smiled softly. She had been crushing on Hayden since the middle of last year. She slowly lowered the card, exposing her eyes as she gave him a small nod. Hayden felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. He walked around the corner of the school, out of sight, and whispered a celebratory “Yes!” to himself before returning and hugging Miranda tightly. He was so scared that something would go wrong - that she would say no, and if she said no, that it’d ruin their friendship.
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Hello everyone! So, as it says above, this is only chapter one of this story. It will have at least 8 or 9 chapters, and some of the chapters have a higher warning than E, so please be aware of that. It will go up to either 16+ or 18+. Thank you for reading!
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140,226 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
this first chapter had me hooked. i cant wait to read more.
I hope eveything works for for them. while reading hes note it made me feel worm.
i cant wait to see how their love grows. the emotions in this is loude. i cant feel them while reding.
in the beginning i could tell this was going to be good. i ant wait ti read the rest.
im new to this so im sorry if this not go good. but keep up the good work.
you did a really good job described their felling in this first chapter.
i could really imagine the story while reading.
you have a good eye to describing emotions. i really cant wait ti read more.
Hi! I quite liked the first chapter I can't wait to read more. You did a really good job describing the moment to bring the readers in from the beginning to the end. They way you described each movement the characters take and all the little details really helped me imagine the story. I love how sweet and simple the idea was, and it really embodies the title. Maybe to help bring us reader into the science a little more describe what it looks like outside and place the setting a little more then just outside of the school. Overall really great job tho, I can't wait to read more!
Hey!
As a summary, this story really caught my attention. I've always been a huge fan of romance books and stories, and this story has an incredibly storyline.
I like how there's actually detail towards the actions they make, and depth towards the things they say.
The way it all comes together is fantastic! It's nothing short of a spectacular read!
I love the way you started this entire thing off. it really sets a background for the story to come. I would recommend an explanation of who each person is as a first chapter. so we know who they are. but still a really good chapter.
This sounds like a good story. i'm interested to see what comes next. thanks for writing this Emilee! I can't wait to see what happens next!
Hey there! Che here for a quick review
Romance isn't my favourite genre but I will never say no to reading it, because I love reading anything aha.
Firstly, this is a really nice, short and sweet opening to a story. You've set up the characters, given them a bit of chemistry and I'm excited to see where it will go from here. I liked your descriptions of their actions, as it made the scene feel very real, almost like from a movie. Your writing style somewhat reminded me of a Jacqueline Wilson book - simple, yet not boring
However, I really think you could have done with some emotions. More in-depth descriptions of what they were feeling - I feel as though this scene would be running high with emotions and be very tense. You've told us this through how you've written about their body language but I wish you had shown us through how they spoke, their emotions and inner feelings, etc.
Overall, I thought this was a really nice beginning to something that I will be looking forward to reading
Keep writing!
-Che
Thank you! I'll be writing more chapters, and I'll be sure to keep this in mind while I do so.
Greetings! You've started a cute story. People always love to read something with a little romance tied into it. You did a good job showing Hayden's and Miranda's nervousness through their actions rather than just saying they were nervous.
So for some constructive criticism, I'd say aim for some more colorful descriptors. Whether that be adjectives, adverbs, verbs, your choice of these words will enhance your story a lot. Of course, we know that can be overdone. It's an art to be developed with experience, and will make your writing more captivating, as well as giving you an increased voice of intelligence.
Best wishes for your future writing!
Thank you so much for your review! I'll be sure to keep that in mind for the next chapters.