Young Writers Society

this first chapter had me hooked. i cant wait to read more.
I hope eveything works for for them. while reading hes note it made me feel worm.
i cant wait to see how their love grows. the emotions in this is loude. i cant feel them while reding.
in the beginning i could tell this was going to be good. i ant wait ti read the rest.
im new to this so im sorry if this not go good. but keep up the good work.
you did a really good job described their felling in this first chapter.
i could really imagine the story while reading.
you have a good eye to describing emotions. i really cant wait ti read more.

Hi! I quite liked the first chapter I can't wait to read more. You did a really good job describing the moment to bring the readers in from the beginning to the end. They way you described each movement the characters take and all the little details really helped me imagine the story. I love how sweet and simple the idea was, and it really embodies the title. Maybe to help bring us reader into the science a little more describe what it looks like outside and place the setting a little more then just outside of the school. Overall really great job tho, I can't wait to read more!

Hey!
As a summary, this story really caught my attention. I've always been a huge fan of romance books and stories, and this story has an incredibly storyline.
I like how there's actually detail towards the actions they make, and depth towards the things they say.
The way it all comes together is fantastic! It's nothing short of a spectacular read!

I love the way you started this entire thing off. it really sets a background for the story to come. I would recommend an explanation of who each person is as a first chapter. so we know who they are. but still a really good chapter.

This sounds like a good story. i'm interested to see what comes next. thanks for writing this Emilee! I can't wait to see what happens next!

Hey there! Che here for a quick review Romance isn't my favourite genre but I will never say no to reading it, because I love reading anything aha.

Firstly, this is a really nice, short and sweet opening to a story. You've set up the characters, given them a bit of chemistry and I'm excited to see where it will go from here. I liked your descriptions of their actions, as it made the scene feel very real, almost like from a movie. Your writing style somewhat reminded me of a Jacqueline Wilson book - simple, yet not boring

However, I really think you could have done with some emotions. More in-depth descriptions of what they were feeling - I feel as though this scene would be running high with emotions and be very tense. You've told us this through how you've written about their body language but I wish you had shown us through how they spoke, their emotions and inner feelings, etc.

Overall, I thought this was a really nice beginning to something that I will be looking forward to reading

Keep writing!

-Che

Greetings! You've started a cute story. People always love to read something with a little romance tied into it. You did a good job showing Hayden's and Miranda's nervousness through their actions rather than just saying they were nervous.

So for some constructive criticism, I'd say aim for some more colorful descriptors. Whether that be adjectives, adverbs, verbs, your choice of these words will enhance your story a lot. Of course, we know that can be overdone. It's an art to be developed with experience, and will make your writing more captivating, as well as giving you an increased voice of intelligence.

Best wishes for your future writing!