Please don’t hurt me anymore
Listening and praying
I’m hiding in the bathroom
As I lock the door silently
“Please don’t hurt him”
He is so small
You are right outside the door
Trying to break it down
“You’re going to kill him”
My breathing is too fast
“Oh god, you need to stop”
You laugh to show your dominance
Like the time you drove too fast
To make us cry
Or when you cornered me
I’m not allowed to talk about it
Now all I think about is how
I should have helped him
So he doesn’t need to cry
Every time you raise your voice
Now I embarrass myself
When I hear a baby cry
" that’s not your brother,” she says
As she holds me down
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Canary word: Present
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This is a very deep and painful poem of what I interpret to be abuse. You were about to express the horror of this topic well in this poem which isn't always easy to do. I also like how you don't give the answer away to the poem, you keep it with some mystery, so the poem is open to interpretation. Also just wanted to add, don't be afraid to talk to professionals your safety is important. That's all I really have to say. Keep writing and stay safe.
Hello!
I'm not great at reviewing poetry but I am going to try.
Okay, this is a very simple piece. Sometimes simplicity works great, but usually there's the simplicity and then maybe one punchy line that makes you go 'whoa.' With this piece, I think the 'whoa' will come from the ending, but I'm also confused, like the previous reviewers. I can tell it's important but I don't really understand what happened? Did someone her brother die?
The 'Or when you cornered me... to... So he doesn't need to cry' is the bit that I think needs more clarification. From what I gather, the father (guessing father) caused an accident that killed her little brother so now she gets PTSD whenever she hears a baby cry because she thinks it's him? If I am right, you could really hit the reader in the gut with some well placed similes and metaphors. And if I'm wrong, there is definitely a need for more information.
Anyway, hope this helps!
Good poem. I was a bit confused at the ending, but that could just be my interpretation. I could feel the fear and despair of the main character. She literally had to run away and hide from her problems as they wait on the other side of the door. We feel the tension the main character feels, the despair, the sorrow. You want to reach out and help the main character, but you can’t. You’re left with more questions than answers and have to hope that the main character has a happy ending.