I never believed I would fly.
Ever so softly
they raise me up
and say
"spread your wings".
I feel my pulse
racing .
take the first step
and try.
when I don't know
what to do
i run
but it's time to learn to fly.
I watch others
who are in the sky
together
while I am hidden amongst the daisies.
alone. Forever.
as I try
to spread my wings
I tumble and
F
A
L
L.
into the depths of despair
my tears become an ocean
that lifts me up
Until I am flying.
flying towards the sun.
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hi Ellie its jay here to leave a review
first off Ellie all i have to say in this poem was Ellie you did a pretty good job with this poem and i also have a favorite in your poem I never believed I would fly.
Ever so softly
they raise me up
and say
"spread your wings". Ellie also you is a good poetry writer so keep up the good work Ellie
Second Ellie my compliment on your poem is how you make up these good lovely poems do you use your feelings or you write what you feel in your poems
3rd Ellie how you can improve is keep doing your best Ellie cause you making some the people proud of this site and team up and give all the best review we can give all so Ellie keep up the good effort
4th the part i didn't like in the poem was Ellie into the depths of despair yeah Ellie this was the part Ellie i didn't like in the poem
keep up the good writing by jay~
Hey There, here's my review....
Firstly your sweet poem touches the depths of dreams, ambitions and hopes that we all carry with us ....trying to convert them into reality day in and day out.....
your poem revolves around the heights of hardships that we all face in the path to success and achievement ... in your poem "flying" represents this concept with the help of strong imagery and interesting rhyming scheme ....
Your poem instils a sense of confidence and willingness to strive for challenging yet worthy risks and tasks by learning from others, falling down and getting up right after....
In a nutshell your poem has a meaning to offer that inspires!!!!
Hey There, here's my review....
Firstly your sweet poem touches the depths of dreams, ambitions and hopes that we all carry with us ....trying to convert them into reality day in and day out.....
your poem revolves around the heights of hardships that we all face in the path to success and achievement ... in your poem "flying" represents this concept with the help of strong imagery and interesting rhyming scheme ....
Your poem instils a sense of confidence and willingness to strive for challenging yet worthy risks and tasks by learning from others, falling down and getting up right after....
In a nutshell your poem has a meaning to offer that inspires!!!!
Hey There, here's my review....
Firstly your sweet poem touches the depths of dreams, ambitions and hopes that we all carry with us ....trying to convert them into reality day in and day out.....
your poem revolves around the heights of hardships that we all face in the path to success and achievement ... in your poem "flying" represents this concept with the help of strong imagery and interesting rhyming scheme ....
Your poem instils a sense of confidence and willingness to strive for challenging yet worthy risks and tasks by learning from others, falling down and getting up right after....
In a nutshell your poem has a meaning to offer that inspires!!!!
Heya, Rubes here with a review. I like to spilt my work into 4 sections: First impressions (what I think after reading once), deeper meanings (more examinations into single lines and stanzas), improvements (what I think overall can be better) and the final conclusion (what I rate the poem out of 10 and a final overview.
First Impressions: I like this; every reader can potentially relate to this in one way or another. It is a brief story line so that everyone can uniquely interpret their ideas from their lives and experiences (if that makes sense kinda?) I saw this as a story of someone being stuck, stuck down and not being able to move forward - or up shall we say - like most people around them. So you are left alone in the 'daisies' which could be something about your comfort space: daisies are a symbol of happiness and purity in my opinion.
Deeper findings/meanings:
This is an interesting start, but I do like the way you wrote it if I'm honest. It is short and simple with a catching beginning, which definitely helps. This also introduced me to the character in a way, with the low esteem and confidence, as you never believed you would fly, would be able to like everyone else.
This is quite cute to be honest. The soft, slow way you bring this in is awesome and I like it a lot. I get the idea of friends trying to help you get back on your feet and above the ground, however you need to put in effort to be able to properly fly
Ooooh, I love this! Great experimentation doing this, it definitely brings more attention to the word and therefore gives it more definition.
This was a nice ending, the way in which you said it...the fluidity is outstanding! I actually love how the character traveled mentally within the space of a short poem.
I would give criticism but there's none that comes to mind.
Conclusion:
It is such a gorgeous story line, and I absolutely love this. You don't rush it, but the pace moves along nice and quickly
keep writing and I hope to read more from you,
Rubes x
Hello there!! Just wanted to say I really enjoyed your poem and it dug up certain sweet and nostalgic memories for me. So keep writing such wonderful poems<3
Pretty poem.
Hey Ellie! Incoming review!!
There isn't supposed to be a space in between the word and the period. Another thing on the topic of punctuation is that at some lines where there should be periods, you don't use them. The same is true for capitalized letters after periods. In poetry, you should be consistent. Like in this line It should be capitalized because it came after a sentence in your poem. Yeah, just be consistent in the poetry unless it's a stylistic choice.Wowza this was a fantastic poem. And very direct, I like direct poetry. It's a nice change from the stuff I've been reviewing this month. Let's get on with the review!
I'll start with critiques.
A small thing too is that I don't particularly like the period after your title. It looks harsh.
Okay done with critiques, time to praise your work! I. Love. The. Imagery. The part to where you are telling how you are flying towards the sun with your ocean of tears, also reminds me of Noah's Ark. With each failure at something we find a way to compensate. It's just something I took away from the poem.
Amazing visual story telling in poetry. It can also be done in music where on the word "up" or "down" you go to a higher or lower note. It's a great way for our brains to get extra information on things being said to us!
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! Keep on writing, Ellie, you're great and I love to read it! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeee<3
Hello Hikari here with a review! Let's get right into it shall we?
Huh this is very unique when I first clicked on this I was expecting something to do with gal as in the season but I'm not disappointed in this being something else entirely!
I take this as someone who is afraid to do things but found a way to do it differently.
Its a great poem and I love it! Kudos ♥
Hi Ellie!
My first impression reading the poem is that the words seem filled with anticipation. The main mood throughout for me was that I felt I was waiting and waiting for something. The first few lines made me think of colours like white, blue, very light purple – ‘ethereal’ colours, so to speak, like a mid-morning sky. It also gave me the sense that the speaker was looking upwards towards the sky.
After “when I don’t know” the mood shifts somewhat towards uncertainty (though the anticipation is still there), but the speaker’s gaze seems to be directed to the ground as they run. The mood of the poem I guess is also meant to shift to sadness when the speaker ”falls” and then triumph as they rise again, but I felt like those parts were a bit vague, so the emotion conveyed to me was less intense than elsewhere in the piece.
“flying towards the sun” reminded me a bit of the Icarus myth, so I’m tempted to interpret this poem as a sort of reverse-Icarus, where the speaker is fearful of flying rather than being overeager to fly and getting themselves into trouble.
In later lines, words like “depths” made me think of darker, oceanic colours – but with a sudden switch to pale blue and gold for the “sun”.
Subject, Meaning, Narrative
Multiple read-throughs later, I’d say the story of the poem is that the speaker is afraid to fly, that they just believe they can’t even though everyone else says they can. What motivates them to really go for it though is the fear of being alone on the ground forever while others of their kind have taken to the skies. However, the first time they try, they fail, thus falling into “despair”.The next few lines are a little more ambiguous. One way I thought about it is that the speaker perhaps tries multiple times and despairs again and again until they finally succeed. Or perhaps, the speaker’s despair actively propels them to success.
Two questions I had by the end were:
1. Did the speaker manage to join their friends in the sky? Said friends didn’t make an appearance at the end, so it seems to be left uncertain.
2. Who is the ‘they’ to talks to the speaker in the beginning?
Language and Imagery
As a whole, the imagery definitely seems very nature-focused, with images like “wings” and “sun”, “ocean”, “sky”. The use of “wings” in particular made me think of angel wings (or at least pop-culture angel wings), so I imagined the speaker and company as winged humans when reading this. On a second read, though, I think they could also be birds or butterflies, especially with the line “hidden amongst the daisies” suggesting they are very small.
I thought the phrases “depths of despair” and the metaphor “ocean” used to describe tears didn’t tickle my imagination quite as much as the other images in the poem. “depths of despair” is a pretty commonly used phrase, so I can’t really attach it to a concrete visual in my mind. What kind of depth is it? The seabed? Or a dry bottomless pit? I’m not sure.
“hidden amongst the daisies” meanwhile is one of my favourite images in this piece. I’m a sucker for small-scale specific images, so this could just be my preferences talking, but I love how this evokes the image of a tiny creature of nature in contrast to the winged ones soaring way above. “daisies” just conjures up so many specific associations as opposed to, for example, just saying “flowers”. It makes me think of something really dainty and small, which I thought was appropriate for that point in the poem.
Sound and Structure
As a whole, I’d describe the structure of the poem as being ‘airy’. There are just a few words per line, and lots of enjambment, which gives the sense of there being a lot of space and room to breathe in the poem. I thought that reflected the motif of flying rather nicely.
When it comes to this part, the line breaks seem to drag out the word ‘fall’. I felt like I was going from anticipation to even more anticipation – being made to wait for something – and that something was “the depths of despair”. As I said earlier, this one is kind of a common phrase and doesn’t put as vivid an image into my mind as some of the other parts of the poem, so the capitalisation and the dragging out of ‘fall’ felt a bit anticlimactic. Anti-climax could very well be what you’re going for here, and if it is I’d say keep this formatting, but just in case it’s not I thought I’d just describe how I felt reading this part. c:
These lines stood out to me. One reason is the partial rhyme between wings/ racing, which makes the lines seem more closely connected than in other parts. The rhyme feels like it’s building up momentum to something, and I thought it was neat that you could do that with the structure as well as the words. Another reason is the enjambment at “pulse/ racing”. I thought putting the line break there helped to show how the speaker was feeling this nervousness/ excitement as it makes their thoughts seem more fragmented.
Overall
My favourite parts of the poem were the general shape and structure, as well as the parts where the imagery became specific. I love it when the form of the poem matches the themes and the meaning, so having a poem that feels ‘airy’ talk about a speaker who is flying (whether literally or metaphorically) is one of the strong points of this piece for me.
Feel free to ask me anything about this review or ask for more feedback.
Keep writing!
-Lim