I step into the mirror
Reality and existence intertwine
You are encircled with light
Burdened with my sorrows
Dreaming,
My mind wanders to your grave.
Where I see my body.
You have flown away.
Moving at the speed of light,
As you lie in bed.
Your sheets are soaked with my tears
And my pain.
Depression holds you.
As you swim in the ocean
Of an excruciating life.
With a heart forever broken.
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey Ellie a incoming review from jay and i came to drop a review on your poem on what i have read
so lets get in to it with your poem
First off Ellie your poem was amazing when i had read it and Ellie and i have a good line that i actually love in your poem Ellie I step into the mirror
Reality and existence intertwine
You are encircled with light
Burdened with my sorrows but Ellie keep up the great work and the effort that you had gave us
Second my compliment is Ellie you should be proud for what you do cause people showing love if a poem like this is really good Ellie and you worked on what you feel
and Ellie how you can improve is your work and keep writing your poems down and express your feelings on what you hear and what you feel deep inside Ellie but your poem was incredible Ellie you did your part
keep writing Ellie by jay but this was just a quick review Ellie!!
Hey Ellie! Incoming review!
Well, this seems like an odd place to start a poem. The image isn't clear yet. I really think that this stanza feels more like a jumble of different sentences that were never meant to go together. If you were to edit, I would suggest thinking about what you want to convey to your reader in the first stanza. I just doesn't feel right. But with the first and second lines, they give me Alice Through the Looking Glass vibes.I gotta love me some dark poetry. Let's get on with the review! I'll review stanza by stanza.
It gets more confusing as to who is speaking. You talk in second person but more in a conversational sort of way. Like telling a story you were in to another person. It gets confusing. So here I am assuming that there was a deceased friend but you have now taken their spot because they have either been raised from the dead or been uprooted from their own grave. There can be some good when it come to vague poetry, you can have other give really interesting interpretations, but we still need to grounding.
Who's moving at the speed of light? It's things that you don't really think about that can get your reader hung up the most. But the last 3 lines are much clearer. So your friend has passed on and you're mourning.
And again, who the speaker is talking to is muffled. Are you talking to the reader? Or someone in the poem? Perhaps the friend you lost? But I love the ocean part here. I love it with this bitter note at the end, and y'know how the ocean be. She be salty. But overall the poem could have been stronger but I still liked it regardless.
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful! Sorry if this was a critical review, I don't know what got into me. Please don't take this in any offensive way, I just want you to become a great writer! Anyway byeeeeeeeeee<3333
I liked the poem.Anything a that has to do with graves or just had that Halloweenie feel to it,then,I’m going to read it.It seems to me that the narrators feels grief for something that has happened.A loss,perhaps? Maybe a feeling of disconnection? It could be anything.My favorite parts were these lines:”Of excruciating life,with a heart forever broken.” Someone must have mourned the loss of the narrator.Good job and have a nice day.
Hi! I think this poem is very good, I'm just mildly confused on the meaning. I'll get to that in a second though. I love the diction in this poem. The way you phrase things is very elegant and it feels like I'm reading something almost sort of magical. I like the rhythm of your poem as well. It feels like a nice, flowing piece of writing. I like that there's no rhyme scheme because I feel like it captures the scene even better that way. I am just a little confused on the meaning of some of it. I can't tell who is dead and who is alive or who is the ghost or whatever spirit it is. On some parts it seems as if the speaker is the spirit wandering around and in other parts it seems as if the "you" is the spirit. Is one person or both people dead? Who is grieving who? At one point "you" is lying in a bed with sheets and the narrator is crying over them so is the person the narrator is referring to dead and the narrator just had an out of body experience while grieving? Your poem is very good, I just personally am not that great at analyzing poems lol. But all in all, I really enjoyed it. It was a very good read and I hope to see more poems from you! -Avery