Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
First there were three, traveling with the old man.
Two of them did not believe in anything but reality.
Susan, his granddaughter had coined the abbreviation TARDIS
Ian, the teacher of science and math, seemed quick to accept the impossible path
Barbara just sat by not believing the truth, later getting in trouble with an ancient truce
Vicki comes from the future to take Susan's place
What's another companion to a man who seems to have everything
Another two companions come with time
A man to replace Ian and a woman to replace Barbara
The woman goes quickly with great sacrifice and her time as a companion is called short
Now there's another spot and Sara quickly agrees
She trades the SSS for the TARDIS
Her fate is yet another sacrifice
Leaving blood on the hands of an innocent man
The second man, Steven is his name, can take no more violence without any blame
Dodo's time was short as well but her fate still survived to tell the tale
Polly and Ben saw the first transformation
And ran off like others when their companionship was up
Smith had contact at some point and found them to be well
Ten companions is enough for one man
Soon the tides will turn once again
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Heya, Liz! Casanova her to do a review!
Anyway, I felt like this was connected to your other poem and I rather like that despite it being a fandom poem. It seems a bit cliche, but I guess that's alright for the topic you were going for. Anyway, to the review.
I feel like you could have executed this a bit different from how you did. I mean, this is really sudden and I feel like the story in your poem is moving a tad bit too fast. In poetry try to describe things, but here it seems like you're focused on telling the story and no matter how fast it goes you don't slow down. Sometimes sudden things are good, but I don't think that it actually worked for this poem.
The other thing is that this strictly based of the fandom, and again that was rather a let down. I was expecting something a bit like the last one, where parts of it could be used in a way that wasn't strictly for the fandom. That being said, besides the fast pace of this I feel like this would be a decent fandom poem as well.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
KEep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
your battle partner, Crowley
Hello!
For some reason, I really didn't like this line. I don't think that the Doctor is as innocent as we'd like to believe. Somehow I think he's behind the scenes, sometimes. But anyway, I don't think that "innocent" is the right word to use here. Use a different descriptor for the Doctor. Like ancient, or something more objective.I'm a fan of Doctor Who as well, so I figured I'd drop by and review this poem.
I think for the most part it's done really well, in almost a creepy nursery rhyme format. However, I think it still has room for some improvement.
If you're going to use rhyme so heavily throughout most of the poem, I think you should make every line rhyme, or at least get into a regular rhyme scheme. Perhaps more formed poetry would assist this poem? I think a sonnet would be nice. Tinker around with putting this into more of a form than free verse and see if you like the results.
I like the last two lines. They're appropriately ominous, judging by the track record of the Doctor and the companions mentioned in the poem.
I think that "friendship" would be appropriate to use here. It would help with the meter, too. It's not working very well as it is in this line.
Try reading this poem out loud and editing the meter with what sounds right if you don't want to put this into a more traditional form. Some of your meter is spot on, but it suffers in others.
Overall, I enjoyed this poem and it's nice to see a fellow Whovian around! I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing, and happy review day!
Okay so I love Doctor Who and I'm a bit fan of cultural party, especially when it doesn't take itself too seriously!
Specifics
1. The first two lines are a little prosaic and disconnected which makes it a bit jarring to read. This could be fixed by melting them together and maybe the third line as well. Something like:
First there were three to travel with the old man,
two disbelieving in this new reality.
This makes a nice play on two vs too so that could add to the fun of the poem.
2. The lines get a bit too long to the end of the first stanza - they're not quite snappy enough and I think you're trying a little too hard to be factual and precise. The people reading this will be fans most likely and even if not, you should aim to amuse and wow them rather than to inform them about the show. The poem should touch on the best moments, not the foundations.
3. I think rather than focus on so many of the companions and have only a line for each, choose your favourites or the highlights or maybe even focus more on the changing of the doctor. This feels like there's too much going on and too many characters while concentrating on the doctor would at least be different faces of the same man.
4. There were more than 10 companions though! That line feels a bit off.
Overall
I like the idea and the theme but I don't think I'd call it a humorous poem. In fact, it seemed more dark if anything since it focused quite a bit on the sacrifices the companions made rather than their funny moments. Maybe think again about what it is you want to focus on or what message you want to give the reader about Dr Who because it's a little mixed at the moment.
Thanks for the read!
~Heather
Thanks for the review.
1. I knew the first two lines didn't look quite right but I couldn't find a good way to keep the feel.
2. Yeah they're long. I never make my lines too long. I wanted to experiment with them a bit before completely giving up on the idea. Second, I really didn't know where to split them up that wouldn't cause for bad results.
3. I was originally going to keep it just down to the original three: Susan, Ian and Barbara. I could have gone very far with just that but I ended up with all of the companions from One.
4.On the companion number, I was aiming to create a poem for each regeneration. And so I included the companions that the first doctor had. I was planning on repeating the same process for all of the regenerations.
5. Humor was the closest thing in my mind I could find to what I was writing about. None of the other genres really seemed to fit.
Thanks again!
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
Ah that makes more sense now, thank you and one for each of the reincarnations sounds like a fun ambition! Best of luck with it!
I did like how you worded the poem it seemed (clearly) very thought out from beginning to end. I also enjoyed the Dr. Who references, I found that pretty cool to use in a poem. It was a very amusing poem and I really enjoyed it. The rhyming also worked very well, it didn't seem like any of the rhymes were being forced. Overall this was a really good and humorous poem so good job!
Hi I really liked this
Thank you for such a lovely comment. I wasn't aware that many people had watched the Classic Doctor Who episodes. Especially as far back as the first.
Yeah I didn't think so either...it was no problem writing about this it was a very well written poem.