Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
To the world around me,
The old saying, don't judge a book by it's cover, really fits my situation better than most. You should actually know my story before drawing final conclusions. Another saying is about trying to walk in another person's shoes. Many think it's possible to imagine but it's really not. No one can walk a mile in my shoes so don't judge me by my outside emotions.
For some reason Mother Nature decided all women should go through hell for one week each month from the time they are in the second decade of their life to the fourth or fifth decade. These weeks often effect me in minor ways but once and awhile the emotions become too much. When I was younger, I couldn't control the outside emotions while still regulating my inside emotions. In one case, I broke down crying in a store. Right in the middle of a store, I sunk down to my knees and started crying. There were some shoppers who didn't notice me and then there were the ones you stared and whispered under their breath. I can only imagine now what they thought of me but I can't let that affect me now. The pain of that moment came from a single memory, for that day was my birthday. A day that has been long darkened for me even though it should be the happiest. It turned dark from many events but the worst was the death of my dog on my 8th year. This time and action is now told through a different mind, one of my novel characters.
Writing is the only way I can get rid of built up inside emotions. During most of my life, I hide these emotions and put on such a false face. Five years ago this wouldn't be possible but it's just another accessory to the daily outfit now. It hangs around my neck next manners, speaking correctly, and the confidence to talk to people. My apologies in advance to those who ask to read my books. I only post two on this site because the others fueled by my emotions are filled to the brim with curse words and violent scenes. They are not suitable for any reader until I find a way to break my inside emotions down further.
I belong to so many fandoms, it's easy to see why I've gotten into so many debates with so many people. There is an event that has only happened to me once but still ticks me off. I was wearing a silver pentagram attached to an angel wing and a bottle of salt. Anyone who watches Supernatural understands but there are those who automatically assume a pentagram means Satan worshipper and the like. It's actually a very popular piece of jewelry worn by tons of Supernatural fans. And yes we admit to being insane but sometimes being crazy is the best way to go through life.
I spend lots of time defending my fandoms and I'm not going to apologize if I offended you in some way. Never have and never will. I know all of my opinions are controversial considering my hometown. I don't believe in God so that automatically puts a target on my back. Everyone in my town goes to church and during the many floods depends on God. During everything they pray to the heavens and give all praise to a being whose existence is unknown. This religion and belief continues to effect my inside emotions but on the outside I remain faithful to my family's beliefs. If there is a God, I am definitely going to hell for all of the jokes I've ever made in my stories and books.
"Are you okay?" I've been asked this so many times, it actually bothers me when people ask. I'm crying in the middle of a store over a sad memory. "Of course, I'm perfectly okay. Tears of sadness? No those were tears of joy because I'm so happy to be living this sad life."
The one thing they never teach you when trying to control emotions is really the best tool of all. They tell you to control your breaths and count up and back to ten. Then you move on to focusing on a different place where you're away from what's bothering you. I've forgotten the rest because I never follow them anyways. The best way for me is to curse in my mind rather than aloud where my voice will cause more trouble. In my mind, I resist the temptation to say something back to all of the people that have said something nasty to me.
Once and awhile in my complicated life, I break. These are times when I just can't take the crap anymore and my inside, hidden emotions come to the surface. In the after math of these times, I apologize for months to those who heard me. Except I never get an "It's okay." I never get a response because my audience is only the books, the posters, stuffed animals and knick knacks that fill my room. No one else has ever heard me crying about a book character I just killed off. Or the crying that comes when everything just seems to be going downhill.
I'd love to avoid a cliche here but my memory is the best and worst thing in my life. I remember almost everything, no matter if it's positive and negative. I can't just clear the hate from my mind, those memories are among the strongest. Do you know how many times I've moved? Seven. How many times I've tried to adapt to new situations and end up screwing it up? Hundreds. How many times I've yelled the f-word inside my mind? Even I don't know the answer to this one. But luckily I only say it inside my kind because I'm so afraid of what would happen if it came out as more than a whisper.
The only place I've been happy for years is YWS. That doesn't sound as depressing now that I've said it aloud. In past years, the room fills with sadness when I mention what I do for fun, writing and reading books. People always say to me. "Hobbies change." But this isn't a hobby, it's more a piece of my life. My soul, a writer's soul, is terribly damaged at this point in my life. It's in such a bad condition for someone as young as me. I've found a way to repair the damage, writing reviews. Each review written starts to patch the pieces of my soul that have been ripped away. And after I'm done with reviews for awhile, I continue to write characters fueled by my own emotions.
My characters are just as messed up as me. Don't take this as a rant. Take it as an answer to the unasked questions. I never talk about my own world except to a few close friends. And they're all virtual. None of the scattered remains of my childhood friends would understand. They wouldn't understand being ripped away from the one thing I knew as truth. They've always remained in the same little farm town in the middle of nowhere and will probably stay there forever. The only people who understand truly are those who know the experiences first hand. Unfortunately, there's not too many of these people to be found.
So yes, this is the one place I have found peace. It's sad but it's the truth and I should no longer lie about emotions. I came here without the support of friends but I hope I do not leave that way. My username has been changed once and I never would have done it without the support of friends. I've written enough reviews for four stars and I wouldn't have done it without a competition with a friend. Everything I've done so far and everything happening in the future will be because of friends.
I was once a queen of book clubs and I'm now a goddess of math but nothing has really changed.
And just to free myself of the last bit of my old life, I am now Lizzy, never again Elizabeth.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey there, I'm here to give you the review you asked for.
This sort of piece is hard to review because it's so steeped in emotion, and it really does feel more like an outlet for emotion than something you're presenting for another person to read. But since you're putting this out more like a memoir than a rant, I'll review it as such.
The main problem here is a lack of organization. You jump from one of your problems to the next, and I find it hard to tie it all together in a theme. Now, of course, in real life there is no "theme," but it'll make your piece easier to understand if you tie everything to some central point.
So what part of your emotions is this about? What specific piece are you trying to get people to understand? Is it how you have difficulty controlling your 'outside' emotions? Is it about your writing as a release? Or is it about how you process emotions?
If I had to guess, I'd say you were going for one of these things. Either that, or you were talking about how people judge you a lot (i.e., with the fandom stuff) I think you should pick which specific thing and build off of that.
There is beauty here in this piece's rawness, and I'm not saying try to cut that out. You do a good job of drawing from your life examples to help you explain how you feel. I think the main thing I'm saying is that you put too much in here too quickly. You don't linger over the examples (which allows the reader to process them and empathize with you more) and you don't explore fully how they relate to your emotions. For example, the way you think of your 'outside' and 'inside' emotions is fascinating, but not explained well.
If it were me, I would try specifically try to cut out or tone the stuff at the beginning about walking in another's shoes. This is mostly just because what you hope to accomplish with this piece is to help people understand you, but then saying at the beginning that you feel like nobody can every really understand people so don't judge me makes it come off as antagonistic. The people that are sitting here reading this are not the random people on the street who are judging you. They are the people who are actually trying to learn about you, and addressing it specifically to the reader makes it come off as a little bit whiney and like you're judging the reader, which I'm sure wasn't your intention. (This is actually a problem I have with many rant-type pieces that aren't explicitly addressed to anyone.)
(Also, it's really completely understandable to think that someone wearing a pentagram could be a Satan worshipper. It's been used that way for centuries, and most people offline aren't familiar with fandom culture. That part just felt like an overreaction.)
Anyway, I really liked your ending because it's poetic but I did feel that the explanation behind it was too vague to really pull the punch. Mostly because I don't know how you wound up as a goddess of math or how that relates to friends.
And that's all I can think of right now. I'm sorry if this is a jumbled mess - I don't have a lot of practice reviewing these sorts of emotional pieces. Good luck with getting this where you want it to be!
Hey, God. It's me, Satan.
I did like how you seemed to be pouring your heart over this work, but there were some things I wanted to talk about with you, considering you did want to sharpen this. However, that's for the content portion of this review. For the highlights portion--
-" I can only imagine their reasoning but their never knew the true reason" 'They never knew' is probably what you meant there.
-"It was, a time during a month when I go through hell and I say a picture that reminded me of my dog." 'See a picture' is probably what you meant there.
-"Actually writing is about the only way I can get rid of built up emotions." I think you should remove 'actually' and 'about'. They're unnecessary, and most of the time they only kill the dramatic tone of the sentence.
-"I've learned not to curse aloud but in your mind is just fine." I think you should rephrase this sentence into "I've learned not to curse aloud, but it's fine to curse in my mind."
-"I've learned to count and breath slowly" Breathe.
-"I can't just void the hate from my mind." Avoid.
And now, onto the portion of the review where i rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant RAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNT (not really but you know what I mean).
1. I felt like this was going from one problem to the next, an unconnected series of events that seem to ramble on and on without coming to a proper conclusion that would give them all a meaning. For example--while you were talking about how you don't believe in God despite your interest in him, you jump to another topic in the next paragraph. It was an abrupt switch, and while in some cases it might've worked, in this one it just seemed strange and uncalled for.
2. I think a thing I've found in most of your writing is that you struggle to have a point in your books--when you do, it's difficult for you to aim at that point in a cohesive way. Which is why I generally like Jim, because it requires the utter lack of cohesion and pointlessness that only you could properly provide. However, in dramatic writings like these, it's hard to take you seriously when you seem to be meandering and slurring everywhere. There is, of course, a perfect type of writing that fits your style: stream-of-consciousness narrative. But it is notoriously hard to pull this off without turning the reader away. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of ... ative_mode)
As much as I liked this, it does need some work before it can be considered well done, but as a peek inside your mind it's beautiful in it's roughest form.
Thanks for the review.
I'll probably get around to rewriting this in a couple of weeks.
I moved up the editing a bit but I'll still end up rewriting further in a couple of weeks. Hopefully this goes a bit better than before.
Hey so it's been a bit since you posted but might as well say something right? Well you know what preach sister, PREACH! Screw all the people who look and stare because who gives a damn. I live in a place where me as a person and what I stand for is not popular. It sucks but you gotta keep going and that is what your doing and I don't know if this is weird to say but I don't care I am proud of you. that's all, have a nice night.
-Zee
P.S. Supernatural is the best