I got a message of this because I'm following you, and Eros, who wrote a review on this piece. #perksoffollowingpeople
Hey, Will here.
I liked this piece. Okay, that might be an underestimate. I loved this piece. It really made me feel like...I have a place in the world as a bookworm. It made me feel great to love reading and writing books. This review will be like any other of my reviews. So let's start with the good bits, shall we?
They are true companion of a man...
This was a nice line to add into the introduction. It makes you think - they old saying said dogs were a man's best friend but if you think, books are. They've taught us so much, and spread so much knowledge.
Some of us love seeing it arranged on the shelves of libraries...
I could relate to this. A lot. In primary school, I was the library monitor (not a computer screen, no), whose job was to arrange the books. Now, other monitors (again, not computer screens) would just place the books on the shelves. Me - nope. You see, I have OCD. It had to be arranged alphabetically. I used to spend my lunchtimes just organising books. #mylife
So, my dears, why don’t you grab a book right now and start with it? Why don’t you become Miss Marple, Mr. Holmes, Feluda or Topshe? These very feeling, I’m asking you, does it ever gets old?
A brilliant(!) ending. Absolutely brilliant.
Now onto the other bit of the review, which is basically a heap of grammatical mistakes which I fix up for you, and other things which I think should be added or deleted
Books- great friends of human. They are true companion of a man and play role of awesome surroundings. We all, more or less, love reading books. Some of us love...
Let's start with the introduction. Now, don't get me wrong - I loved it. But, a little rephrasing wouldn't hurt.
Your first sentence is 'Books- great friends of human.' What if we move that around, so it would look something like this:
They are the true companions of
I just think it will create much more of an introduction, rather than BAM! that's what we're talking about today.
A bookworm person generally reads loads of books and it actually makes him happy and keeps him refreshed.
A bookworm
Never refer to someone as 'him' or 'her' - you never know what could spark up from that!
Not all of us appreciate bookworms that much. For they are pretty weird.
How about we merge this into one sentence?
Not all of us appreciate bookworms that much, for they are pretty weird.
Not weird, just not like other thousands non readers.
Double negative = doesn't make sense = confusing.
Not weird, just not like the other
That one was a hard one, as it was confusing what you were talking about.
If you are any specific book lover, like- only love to read sci-fi series or ghost one or detective one then knowingly or unknowingly you will start believing that you’re those cool fictitious characters and your role models will be “Them”.
Let me just, grammaticize this. (Grammaticize? Is that even a word?) #ohtheirony
If you are
Phew. Okay, remember this: all the changes I make in this review are for you to use. You can choose if you want them, or if you don't. I'm not going to force you to use them.
Now, parents. They are always on the opposite direction from us, aren’t they? Even though you are doing right, they will blindly believe that you are doing it pretty wrong. Well, I’m not against parents nor I’m criticizing them. But what I’m saying is correct and proven in hundreds of psychological theories. It’s very natural to have clashes with parents at the time of teenage. So, let’s not count that.
Uhh...I'm sort of confused with this paragraph. What was this added for, sorry? I thought we were talking about bookworms, and then suddenly this paragraph about parents, and clashes with them when you're a teenager. I'm confused. Sorry, if you could just reply to this and explain the point of this paragraph - that would be more than lovely!
What I’m trying to say all these time is...
So these are all points, huh? So...what points have we had?
- A bookwork is happy and gets refreshed after reading books.
- They know about a lot of things.
- They start believing that the characters are real (I'm not sure if this is a good thing on the reader's part or the author's part).
- Parents...(?)
Okay, cool. We have 3 points to work with (excluding the parent one).
Beware. Past this red line and between the next red line is a very harsh section. Don't tell me I didn't tell you.
...being a bookie is not good thing but a VERY good thing!
Why? Why is being a bookie a good thing again?
Was it the 3 points we listed down earlier? No, its not. Why would I want to become a bookie? Why? To 'know about a lot of things'? No. That's a result.
Okay, I'm sorry. I should've asked you this before. What is the purpose of this text? It's like a mix of things: blog post, describing bookworms, exposition.
If you stick to one of those things - you could make it work. It's fuzzy right now. What are you trying to do?
So, my dears, why don’t you grab a book right now and start with it?
By your ending sentence, it seems like its an exposition of some sort. So I'm going to stick with that - you're persuading people to read more books.
So, why don't we make it clearer? Make it stand out - I want people to read more books. It's that easy. And then, you can say, why? Why do I want people to read books?
Now, you might say, "Because it makes you know about a lot of things." No. That's not why. That's the result. It's like saying, I do my job to make money. That's not why you do your job (if it is, then...change your job). The real reason why you want people to read books is because you want more people to be educated.
You can write stuff like, "This world is in dire need of education. 1 billion adults are illiterate and I am on a mission to change that. To change the status-quo. How? I believe that books are an amazing way to learn. People who read books learn. Human nature. They love to observe people..."
Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I took it too far with the whole MLK 'I have a dream' thing. But you get what I mean? 'Start with Why.' Listen to this:
http://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en
Now, if you state why in the first half of your text, you can then say:
As much book you will read, as much true man you will become.
The more books you read, the more of a man you will become.
Books will help you to “know thyself”. So, let’s all read books.
AHA! It's coming out! Finally. 'Let's all read books.' I knew that was what you were talking about. Yes!
Trust me, this is cool enough than social networking sites.
Trust me, this is cooler
Again, who loves showing attitudes and...
...get clap and pats on their back, I don’t know what to say for them either.
...get clap and pats on their back
Maybe they should ask themselves that, why they read books? For them or for others?
Maybe they should ask themselves
These very feeling...
These very feelings...
WOOOOOOOOOOOO! What an ending to a brilliant piece!
Now, okay, I'm sorry. I know, I was harsh. And I'm sorry for that. But hopefully you still liked this review (a very long review indeed) and maybe even give it a like...? Nah just joking.
Keep writing - you have a brilliant style and if you just proofread it after you write it, I wouldn't have a half long review as this one.
-willachilles
Points: 3000
Reviews: 46
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